Running 'Away' or Running 'To'?
"Rashkebehag" wrote on the forum:
I want this thing behind me. Just today I innocently downloaded updates that were offered for my iPod and there it was - the youTube and safari with all its shmutz. Boy did I feel tempted to go on it. I ran in a panic to my expert and he put on for me the necessary restrictions and I was able to breathe easier (while in my heart I had this crazy feeling of regret that: why couldn't I explore it a little, just a little, before he did that). So I am still an addict and so proud that I was able to stop in time, with Hashem's guidance, of course. But all the years of addictions, oy, they really hurt.
The 12 steps I know of are all about learning how to run. Not away from the addiction, but to run to Hashem instead of the addiction. To keep my focus on running to Hashem and use every circumstance in life for an opportunity to be with Him - to recognize that He is with me. My desperate need for Him is of course trashed every time I act as though I can control and use lust. It's similarly trashed whenever I act like I can withstand lust by my own power - or tzidkus, if you will. It seems to be some peoples' job, but not mine. And, b"H, I have been sober for 13 years now. The childlike dependence on Hashem is my greatest treasure - why would I want to ruin it with "madreigos"?! ("Lo sa'aleh b'ma'alos al mizb'chi asher lo sigaleh ervascha olov" applies to me if it applies to anyone !!)
I guess some people are destined to be more like Noach who had to walk with Hashem's help every step - others are like Avraham, who walked before Him seemingly on his own power. As of today, I choose Noach, at least in this issue... sue me. (just kidding please don't sue me!) The steps (over time) taught me how to do this.