Obsessions of the Mind
Spending time to figure out where I am 'holding' is poison to me. It's the same curiosity that I feel when I wonder "how that girl who walked by actually looks up close... hmmmm"... These are just obsessions of the mind, and I can't afford them. Besides, I have discovered that I'd rather be a dolt and die never having ever known exactly what my madreiga is or where the process is up to... as long as I am staying sober and honest with myself, my G-d, and with the people in my life. Besides, it's nice to have a surprise when we get 'up there', no?