Learning From My Wife's OA Call
This morning I listened in to my wife's OA call and I had some observations.
Many of us (myself included) sometimes have our doubts whether we are addicts (maybe its not really "doubts" but simply pride). Listening in to others describe a different type of addiction - in this case a "food addiction" - made it very clear to me that I was an addict. I heard how someone can obsess over food the same way I obsess over lust. And how they try to give it up, the same way I try to give up lust. The speaker was describing how, one time she started eating leftovers from her neighbor's garbage that she had noticed was in there (the only reason she stopped is because her neighbor saw her in the act). To a non-food addict, even to a lust addict, we can think to ourselves, "how can she do something like that? Doesn't she have any self-respect?" But, if I take a step back and look at myself, am I really any different? When I desire to "eat" with my eyes from someone else's garbage posted on the internet, I am sure my wife would say, "how can he do something like that?". (And how many of us would take magazines out of garbage bins as well?)
Another time, the woman on the call described he she would get into car accidents as a food addict, for example, once she was reaching down to get that "last chip" which dropped on the floor of the car, despite the fact that she had already consumed a whole bag. And while she was bending down, she rear-ended someone. And we will do the same thing with porn. I've have heard from a number of people how they got into car accidents because they were so busy trying to get another look at someone they had noticed on the road, or were just exhausted from their pursuit of lust.
And my wife can never understand how sometimes I can just keep "nosh" or cake in my office and not eat it. Just like I can't understand how someone can be alone with open internet all day, and not stumble.
The second thing I took from the call, was when the speaker described how, as part of step-one, a food addict has to completely give up triggering foods. 100% - No exceptions. So someone asked, "well, sometimes I give up triggering foods but then I find myself looking for my "fix" from munching on carrots. Now carrots are not a triggering food for me". To which the speaker responded that not only do we have to give up "triggering foods", but also "triggering behaviors." What I took from that is, that it is not enough to give up porn and lust, but I have to give up some of my other behaviors - that may otherwise be legitimate, but not when I use them as a way to medicate myself.