I don't run the show, only He does!!!
One of the main causes of addiction is stress and anxiety. We tend to use the addiction as an escape to make ourselves feel good when our lives feel "difficult to control". But stress and anxiety are really a result of a mistaken perception of "control"; we think that it is we control our lives, but we don't. (See Duvid Chaim's second exercise in Chizuk e-mail #526). The moment we realize that we are nothing but mere "actors" in Hashem's show, the stress and anxiety dissipates. And when we live "stress free", we find that we no longer need to reach for our "drug" of escape and self-soothing.
"Nura" posted once on the forum:
The chapter called "How It Works" in the Big Book discusses how we run our lives on "self propulsion", meaning "everything is about ME". I, I, I... I will do this and I will do that. We want to be the "producers" in the drama we call life, when all we really are in fact, are "actors" in the Almight-y's drama. He - and only He - is The Producer, and He is in charge of everything in this show, from the scenery to the lighting, to deciding which actor gets what part, be it easy or difficult. All He expects from us is to follow the "Script"ure that He handed us.
As the Big Book says (PG 60-61):
"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the story, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great."
The idea that are we are just actors in the Almighty's "show" helps me so much, because one of the greatest triggers for me was always the overwhelming stress of having to meet the payrolls on the 15th and 30th of each month. The constant stress and pressure of worrying about the "bank balance" drove me to escape in the nether nether worlds of internet p**n. It was there that I found refuge (albeit only a temporary refuge) from the overwhelming pressure of my day to day existence.
If I can only internalize this idea that I don't run the show, only He does!!! I am nothing but an actor. My "part" is just to follow the script and do the best I can!!
... How difficult yet how SIMPLE!