Even if I'm Destined for Gehinnom
My addiction got quite nasty, and then a lot nastier before making it into recovery. It is essential for me to accept in my heart that even if I am destined for gehinnom, c"v, my concern, my joy, and my sorrow, are all in today. I have taken, and still take, the 3rd step, so to the best of my ability, I try to make Hashem my Employer now and place myself, my body, neshoma, future, and family in His care.
I know I am destined to die one day. Maybe I am destined for gehinom, maybe not. How will I ever be sure? Even Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai didn't know! Until then, it has become clear to me that My Best Friend forever has important uses even for a servant destined for gehinnom, and that He takes quite a bit of interest in his puny life. If His service and personal attention today is not good enough for anyone, I wish them luck.