End of the Rope
I have a personal struggle that I appreciate your letting me share with you.
You may have heard that I make a Parnassah (livelihood) as an entrepreneur - by helping people/companies buy or sell things. You could say I'm a salesman or a deal maker. Either way, if a deal doesn't happen - "bread" doesn't happen.
Hashem has been exceedingly kind to me over the years. And I have enjoyed a lot of material comforts along the way. In fact, I've been entirely self sufficient for over 3 decades!
My father, of blessed memory, taught me that when I make money, I should set some aside "for a rainy day" - which I did.
For reasons that only G-d knows, when it comes to my financial situation over the past few years, it's been "raining" for a long long time now!
I was so happy that my father encouraged me to save money, and I consider myself quite fortunate that I've had the savings to withstand these tough times.
But, guess what: as of this month, the savings have dried up, and yet the drought is still here, with no apparent end in sight.
Quite frankly, this has been the BIGGEST TEST in my life for quite a long time. And when I transferred - this past week - the last drop of savings to pay for my bills, I had that terrible sinking feeling that I'm at the END OF MY ROPE!!
Yes, literally at the end of my rope! Who could I turn to?
In the past, when things got tight and the savings were low, I could turn to my parents for a quick loan. But they aren't alive anymore. Or I could turn to a bank for a line of credit, but I don't have anymore collateral. And the credit cards, well - they're all at their limits!
My "addict's mind" told me to get a "quick fix" and forget all my troubles. I didn't want to go there, either.
I also thought about sitting on my pity pot or going into the Blame Game or "I'm the Victim" Role. But they already gave out the Academy Awards this year.
So that's when it hit me!
Inside my head, I heard a small voice trying to get my attention that said, "Duvid Chaim, since you know you're at the End of your Rope - then JUST LET GO!"
I got startled and answered back - "What do you mean? Just let go of my Rope. AND THEN WHAT?"
This time, the Voice got louder and calmly said, "LET GO AND LET GOD!"
And I thought about it, and I then remembered all the times before - when I thought I had lots of rope. And how I used to hold on tight to my rope. And that no one could take my rope away from me.
And I also remembered how I used to take my rope. And what was I used to do with my rope? As an addict, I remember how I used to take my rope and HANG MYSELF with it!
For some of us, that rope may be money. For some of us, that rope may be good looks. For some of us, it's intelligence and for others, it may be social status.
But whatever the rope is, if I don't realize that it's a GIFT from HASHEM, then I think it's ALL MINE. And the more rope I have, the more I GRAB TIGHT onto it and the MORE SELF-SUFFICIENT I think I am!
Thanks to the 12 Step Program of Recovery -- the Action Steps that I take ("It works if you work it and you're worth it") -- the Fellowship that I join -- and the effort I put into seeing Ayn Od Milvado -- I can now actually face a serious struggle like I've share AND I can...
...LET GO OF THE ROPE and truly LET GO AND LET GOD!
Thanks for letting me share!