Friday, 06 January 2012

Dov Welcomes a Newcomer

by Dov (See all authors)

I have a few things to share with you. Be"H they will be of some use:

If you are reaching out for help, I guess it means that you have discovered that your best efforts have not worked. So going it alone - merely with new information - is nice, but it never worked for me. So I can just share that with you, for whatever it is worth. If doing it your way and going it alone works for you, gezinterheit!

But if your best newly informed efforts get you nowhere in the end (again), you'll discover that soon enough. Then you can always turn to a recovery chevra and to G-d. It will be available as long as there are sick people getting well together.

Another thing. If your goal is to become a kadosh and not have 'disgusting thoughts', I understand, but have nothing to share but book-knowledge about it - and I have plenty, from the years when that was my constant struggle. Eventually, though it sounded valiant and holy, it got me nowhere but worse, so I will not go there.

But for me, the thoughts were beyond normal: they were relentless, progressive, invaded many parts of my life, and I followed through with planning and behavior that was slowly and progressively ugly and destructive. I became a frequent liar, a manipulator, and eventually too disgusted with myself to look in a mirror. Really. I eventually broke many boundaries I'd never have believed I'd break. After all, I was a frum yid... I learned Torah! I was spiritual!

And I was also very sick.

So, if your thoughts are only thoughts, look around on this forum for help, get connected with people who are getting healthier - consider staying away from the whiners and from people who just want to talk about how hard it all is. Stick with people talking about the alternatives to our crazy and stupid lust-thinking. People who are focused on how to get open and honest and turn to Hashem and to people when lust 'attacks'.

But if you find yourself lying and having a double life, acting out with your lust and having to lie even more to protect it and cover it up, and you want to be free of the stupid, painful and destructive thoughts and compulsions, (ie, insanity) then I suggest that the 12 steps and Recovery might be for you! And it seems that people who try to go it alone - for whatever reason, good or not - are just trying to remain 'in control'; to still hang on to doing it their own way. Eventually, the lucky ones get hurt badly enough to finally let go and take whatever means necessary to get free. Not necessarily "for Hashem" - but for themselves.