People often ask why Yiras Shamayim is not enough to stop us. Here Dov responds to one such claim.
(Note: What Dov writes here is strictly for real addicts):
As far as I am concerned, an addict has the right to keep using his drug - and no one can tell him he can't - it will not stop him. He needs to learn yir'oh from the pain of using his drug, be it masturbation, alcohol, gambling, heroin, rage, whatever. He needs to come to the point that he discovers that he cannot use his drug any more. Not because Hashem tells him so, but because he himself discovers it.
To me, the fact that it is an aveiroh is actually a distraction from recovery and prolongs the agony and destruction because it fools a person to think that he is experiencing a struggle to be good vs bad - to do Hashem's Will vs the Satan's will....and in truth his is a battle between losing his life to insanity and sickness vs living life by getting sanity and wellness.
The sforim are there. The aveiro is well-known. I do not believe that learning the gravity of the aveiro is what I needed. It was a mistake, actually. I did that and learned the entire sefer Yesod Yosef (not the one about mussar and avodah by the talmid of the Kav haYoshor , but the one that the kitzur suggests that is strictly about hz"l), and all it did for me was to get me horribly guilty and confused because I could not stop. I also read the English of Shivchei haR"N about Rebbi Nachman, zt"l. I went to mikvah. I did what I knew at the time, and sincerely. No go. It was horrible.
And I do not believe more yir'ah is what many need. We have yir'ah - it is just not effective. Maybe we do not really have the right yir'oh? Really, I am sure we do not have it....do any of us ever get it? I do not know. All I know is that ein chovush matir es atzmo mibeis ha'asurim.
We need mesiras nefesh to open the door to get well, period. And more than anything else - more than any sefer or mikvah, it was my acting out - my aveiros, you might say - that brought me to the point of mesiras nefesh. I lost myself to lust - I nearly gave it my nefesh - and had no choice but to ask Hashem to get me back. There was nobody else around to ask. And he led me to recovering sex/lust addicts who learned about recovery from drunks and shared it with others. I followed their direction and here I am, with you and with Hashem. So far, so good.
Perhaps you are talking about yidden who can stop, and I am talking of addicts. Perhaps you are only talking about yidden who do the aveiroh and it has not invaded their lifestyle yet. My business is in addicts; hopeless losers to lust who have tried everything. So by all means, I hope whoever wants to try your derech does it exactly. And the ones that lose and are finally convinced that they just can't do it and give up completely will have me as their friend at the other end of the mikvah hall...