Another reason avoiding improper speech is so important is that the Torah is very serious about it. The Torah forbids making lewd comments or jokes irrespective of whether they increase our desires. We must be very sensitive to this.
The Mesillas Yesharim (Chapter 11) says that people often feel that speaking or listening to inappropriate speech is no big deal. They say to themselves, “What did I do? It’s not like I did a serious sin!” They think vulgar speech is forbidden only because it can lead extremely impulsive individuals to lewd thoughts and actions. Thus, they believe mild-mannered people like themselves can say whatever they want because “it’s just words” and won’t lead to anything.
The Mesillas Yesharim says that these rationalizations are really a trick from the yetzer hara. Besides for that lewd speech does affect people — whether they notice it or not — it is forbidden in its own right. Just as we would never do the sins that we consider more serious because we know they are wrong, we also cannot use vulgar speech because it is forbidden as well, regardless of where it will or won’t lead. The Mesillas Yesharim quotes the Gemara (Shabbos 33a) that if a person has a decree of seventy years of good, it can be changed to bad because of inappropriate speech. Avoiding lewd speech is vital. It really does matter how we speak.
If a person is accustomed to speaking inappropriately, it can be hard to stop. Improper speech doesn’t seem serious or wrong. But even if the person realizes it’s wrong and wants to stop, breaking habits is hard. And speech-related habits are the hardest to break, as the words often leave the person’s mouth before he can consider whether he should say them or not.
The solution is to acknowledge that we might sometimes slip and to try anyway. Hashem only asked us to do our best. When we mess up, we shouldn’t get frustrated, beat ourselves up, or give up. Rather, we should encourage ourselves for taking up this challenge and for mostly succeeding. We made an error that we will get rid of with teshuva, and we will learn from it not to mess up in similar situations. We can only try our best. That’s all Hashem wants from us.
We must also try to avoid hearing improper comments and jokes. If others are talking lustfully, we should stop them, or if we can’t, we should get up and leave. At the very least, we must not pay attention to the discussion. And we must not expose ourselves to music or anything else that has lustful messages.
By watching what we say and hear, we will become refined and feel like changed people. As a result, we will improve greatly and see much success in the battle of the generation.
Note: For advice on dealing with social pressure, which can be quite impactful on what we speak about, see Appendix B.
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