We must face reality. A staggering percentage of our youths are struggling. The numbers are much higher than people think. The sickening stories don’t do it justice. They seem atypical, and we don’t imagine that this painful addiction is so common. But it is. The odds are overwhelming that each kid — including our children and friends — will face a vicious battle that threatens to destroy his life . . . if we don’t do something about it.
Our decisions about what we expose ourselves to will determine whether we and our families will have to battle ourselves our entire lives — or worse, be drowning in addiction. We are choosing whether we will feel trapped, powerless, and inferior, or whether we will spare ourselves from misery. We must view these choices as cause-and-effect decisions with automatic outcomes, rather than moral dilemmas that require us to figure out how religious we are. We must be responsible and choose wisely.
Giving up television, the Internet, or non-Jewish music is an immense sacrifice. Even carefully limiting our exposure is not easy. Of course we don’t want to give them up — it is a huge change. But as we know, our decisions will have real consequences. We value education, convenience, and leisure — as we should — and it’s hard to give these things up. But if the exposure gets someone in our family into a painful mess, we won’t think it was worth it. Getting rid of what might be dangerous hurts so much, but it hurts even more if we don’t stop it and it ruins our lives.
Even if we don’t completely cut off, we must at least figure out a way to protect ourselves from harmful messages. Children and teenagers especially must be protected from these messages, because they are more easily swayed. Because we are responsible people, thinking about the direct ramifications will help us muster the strength to choose greatness by leaving them behind — whether in one shot or gradually by getting rid of the most harmful offenders first.
We don’t want our families to see things that will trigger desires, and we don’t want it to be easy to fulfill them. No matter how much we value culture and are against locking ourselves away from society, we wouldn’t expose ourselves at that price. It’s just as we wouldn’t send someone recovering from drug addiction to an elite college notorious for rampant drug use. Obviously, all the “success” in the world isn’t worth relapsing back into an addiction that will wreck his life. It’s the same here — no amount of culture or leisure is worth it if it comes with an addiction that causes such pain and shame.
Because of these concerns, many communities cut off completely from society, under the guidance of their rabbis. If they can handle it, they are much less exposed to harmful messages and material. But many communities don’t usually take such extreme measures, and their people are uncomfortable with cutting off from society. If we were brought up this way, we will probably feel uncomfortable whenever this topic comes up, and that should be expected. Nevertheless, we must remember that protecting ourselves does not have to mean completely cutting off from society. Our goal is just to avoid the world’s message about desire so it doesn’t change our values or make us want what’s bad for us.
There is nothing wrong with this attitude. Giving things up is not a mitzvah in itself. But we must remember that although we seek a solution that does not require us to give up too much, we are sometimes forced to make a choice. Our attitude must be that no matter what, we can’t let these dangerous messages near us unchecked. It will affect us and we don’t want to be affected. The consequences are too steep.