What is the relationship between Shmirat Einayim and the success of my children in living a lifestyle of Torah values?
Is there anything more beautiful than sitting with your family at the Shabbat table and discussing Parshat HaShavuah? Each one of us wants to see the continuityof a Torah lifestyle in our children. While there are many factors that contribute to their spiritual wellbeing, much of the results depend on our own level of commitment.
Numerous Torah sources attest to the remarkable mechanism that Hashem implemented in this world - the fact that children benefit spiritually from the actions of their parents. Think of it as spiritual DNA. The Midrash Bereishit Rabbah (128:18) hints at the transmission of kedushah from one generation to the next:
When Yosef went forth to rule over Egypt, the daughters of kings used to gaze at him through the lattice and throw jewelry so that he would lift up his eyes and look at them. Yet he did not look at them! Hashem said to him, ["Because you did not look at the ornaments thrown to get your attention] I will give your daughters an ornament in the Torah." What ornament? [They will have] a portion in the Torah.
Just as Yosef's modest behavior blossomed with merit for his future offspring, so too, our actions affect not only our own spiritual nature, but that of our descendents as well.
How does this mechanism work? Let's take a close look at another Torah source. In Mishlei (20:7) it is recorded, "The tzaddik walks in his perfection - happy are the children after him." The meaning of the phrase, "The tzaddik walks in his perfection" means that the tzaddik worked hard to fulfill a mitzvah or to develop a worthy character trait. As a result, Hashem will bless his children so that they can reach that level with much less effort. Their father made the spiritual breakthrough for them, so "happy are the children after him."
The more we dedicate ourselves to Torah observance, the more we enhance the kedushah of our children. Conversely, if we allow our Torah observance to weaken, we diminish our children's spiritual resilience.
Physical traits are transmitted to the child from his inception by DNA coding. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his Michtav M'Eliyahu, that spiritual traits are transmitted
both in the womb and after the child is born. If a parent achieves a particular character virtue - even after the child is born - this good trait will be transmitted to the child. It will be easier for the child to master his nature regarding that same challenge. One of the most powerful ways to guarantee that your children follow a lifestyle of mitzvot is to strengthen your own commitment. When you develop control over your eyes, you are helping to build the spiritual foundation of your children.
This is easier said than done, to be sure. As discussed in earlier chapters, the internet poses a particular challenge, one that our parents didn't have. The fact that it is so useful is partly what makes it so dangerous. Our children find themselves in the middle of a great spiritual tug-of-war, where countless mesmerizing and pervasive negative attractions flash in front of them. With one click, they could begin a downward spiral that eventually will lead them far away from Torah values. They need your protection!
Today: Help your children and future generations by controlling your eyes. Grant them "a spiritual inheritance" empowering them with the capability to preserve the well-being of their souls.
Download the GuardYourEyes "Prevention Tips for Parents".
Today I had a lunch date with a client and he took me to the new kosher restaurant a few blocks from my office. The food was great, but the atmosphere was charged with distractions. Some of the waitresses were not dressed modestly.
Dave and I had recently learned that overcoming my Shmirat Einayim challenge benefits not only me, but my children as well. The idea blows me away! It's a very deep concept, and I don't claim to understand it. But what I took away from our discussion was that I'm not in this just for myself. Every time I control my eyes, I'm empowering my kids (maybe even my grandkids!) to do better in this area. It's a concrete way that I can give them a spiritual advantage.
Now that's a powerful motivator. So when I encountered the waitress, I buried my eyes in the menu. "Do this for Julie," I told myself.
"Can I take your order?" she asked. I asked my client to order first, then, without looking up, I gave my order. As she was walking away, I looked down to drink a glass of water. Then I asked my client if he would mind if I changed my seat, and I placed myself in the chair facing the wall instead of the interior of the restaurant.
Somehow, the fact that my children will get some sort of spiritual boost out of my restraint made it a whole lot easier. But in the future, I'm taking my clients to my good ol' restaurant down the block where my regular waiter - Brad - will be happy to serve us.
These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the Soul" by Rabbi Zvi Miller of the Salant Foundation.