A big smile spread across Yerachmiel's face as he entered my office. It wasn't hard to notice the positive change in his mood over the last period of time. "I must say", I told him, "that since you took the job of the Otzar Ha'sefarim, there's almost no sefer that I look for that isn't in its proper place. You know how many zechusim (merits) you have because of this? I remember in earlier years that it sometimes took me a half an hour to find a particular sefer. How much Bitul Torah this caused! So first of all, a big Yasher Koach to you!"
"And now tell me: what's happening with the territory you conquered a month ago? Did you succeed in fortifying it well yet?"
"I have almost forgotten about that", said Yerachmiel with a smile. "Dealing with the Otzar Ha'seforim doesn't leave me much time for thought".
"Good", I said. "It's not necessary to think too much. The simple fact that you stood by what you accepted upon yourself and didn't stumble, shows that you have manually fortified the territory you conquered. And how do you feel about your continued progress?" I asked.
"Wonderful", answered Yerachmiel. "I must admit that in the past few weeks I am feeling really good about myself, and exactly like the Rosh Yeshiva said, it really did become a lot easier and I can't even explain why."
"I am happy to hear that. So which territory are we going to conquer this week?" I asked.
"The truth is, said Yerachmiel, that from a practical standpoint, there is already not much more I can accept upon myself B"H. I already don't surf the internet, I don't meet up with girls, and I don't look at p-rn anymore. The only thing that's really left - and it's the hardest thing for me - is masturbation. In this area, I am not sure I can succeed to overcome it. I am very afraid to take something on myself that maybe I'll stumble in; because if I stumble, it can cause me to get down - chas veshalom - and return to square one. This could even jeopardize all my recent progress. What does the Rosh Yeshiva think I should do?"
"Before I address your question - which is excellent in its own right", I said to Yerachmiel, "I must tell you how impressed I am with your remarkable progress on the practical front. Not only have you succeeded to overcome so many temptations that in the past you never believed you could - which is already a great achievement on its own - but I also see that you listen carefully to your heart and understand your own weaknesses, and this is more important than anything else in this struggle.
"Now let's return to your question. Your fear that maybe you'll disappoint yourself is indeed in place, but nothing would happen if you would fall and get back up. This is 'part and parcel' of any progress. Moving forward and falling backward are both essential ingredients to learning how to deal with the Yetzer Hara. Like we already discussed once: 'Seven times the Tzadik falls and gets up again' (Koheles 7:20). But still, you are correct that this doesn't tie in with the previous strategy that we were employing until now, which was conquering small territories and fortifying them well, before moving on. Conquering terrain that we are not sure we can hold onto, does indeed pose a certain risk.
So let's look for a way to balance between these seemingly contradictory approaches: conquering one territory at a time and fortifying it before moving on - on the one hand, and on the other hand - making progress in spite of the fear of failure. So let's think: How can we still tread solid ground? I suggest that instead of you trying to give up masturbation altogether right now - something which at this stage (and I emphasize "at this stage") you feel is too hard for you, let's see if we can try to progressively minimize the amount of times you do it. For example: if you did it until now twice a week, accept upon yourself at this stage to do it only once a week; and so on and so forth. Only you can know the exact amount of cutting back that you can handle at this stage.
Know Yerachmiel, that Chaza"l say something very interesting about this desire. The more one feeds it - the hungrier it gets, and the less one feeds it - the more satiated it feels. So as you begin to cut back and see that it becomes a lot easier, you can try moving forward and cutting back even more - until you feel you can stop completely. Do you think you would be able to hold up to this plan?" I asked Yerachmiel.
"Yes, Be'ezrat Hashem", he answered. "This will let me make progress and work on myself even in this area - which I don't think I'd manage to stop completely at this stage, and at the same time I won't feel that I am getting myself into danger".
"Wonderful! You see, Yerachmiel my dear student? When we search well, we can find a solution for anything, as Chaza"l say: 'If you struggled and found - believe'. I am happy that I was able to help you find a straight path to take in this struggle".