Thursday, 12 January 2012

The Day AFTER the Seder Night

by Dov (See all authors)

I believe that Hashem heals us only oneday at a time. Not for a week, a month, a year, and certainly not for a lifetime. I believe that for an addict, the "teshuvah gemurah" fantasy (as Chazal say for normal people: "he is omeid in one big nisayon so that Hashem is mey'id that he will never fall again") is simply irrelevant, the "final tikkun" is simply irrelevant - and actually, they are nothing less than triggers for our gayvoh and forgetting who we are. And that is why even on Rosh haShanah - or on the seder night I do not give in to my YH to expect Hashem or even to ask for Hashem to "help me stay sober this year" - I only ever ask Him for today, be it a regular day or even an epic day, such as RH or the heiligeh seder night. The day after the holy seder night- is the only day for me to be concerned with the day after the seder night. I like this simple and honest way to live, and it works. The old way did not, so I refuse to go back to it - I consider it kisli v'kei'i. Why try it again?

My point is that He is either healing us right now - or He is not healing us, at all. We may not feel it, but it is happening as long as we are working some kind of (always very imperfect) program - and are sober today. (BTW, this is exactly R' Yisroel Salanter's interpretation of the story of R' Akivah on the beach.)

Besides, there may always be just as much progress ahead of us to make, as there is right now! Yehudi hu tamid baderech - ein hu yachol lavo l'shum tachlis (R' Nachman zy"a). Who knows?

And who cares?

Is 'never getting saved' a discouraging thought? It will be - if you are one of those who are waiting to be magically healed by Hashem so that you will no longer need to worry about anything. The only time that happens is when we die...maybe. And I'm not particularly interested in that right now, b"H, though I had my moments years ago. .

I wish for you to let go of waiting for Him to 'heal you soon'. You are going in the right direction and are sober today. That is awesome, awesome, awesome - and for me, that must be enough. Everything else is icing on the cake.

The amazing change always comes, as long as we do today's business today and tomorrows business tomorrow. It's really simple. And that is one of the reasons that it's so good to be alive!