Monday, 16 January 2012

Live Differently

by Dov (See all authors)

If things are still the same, you have to ask yourself, are you doing anything differently?

Are you living the rest of your life differently in any way? I do not mean 'working with the lust/tayva vs sober/kodosh/whatever business....no! Not that at all! That part is not at all where I bet you need to look. It certainly is not where I need/needed much work. I can't speak for you, but in my case, as important as it may be, that part of me is a freaking 18-wheeler!....with a single flat tire!....I cannot drive it. Period.

All I can do is humbly, patiently, and faithfully work my program and actually use the steps of my recovery and the stuff I learn from other addicts in my daily life so that I begin to live in a different way. Differently in the way I react when I feel like being mad at someone; when I want to lie to save face; when I am late somewhere; when I win a game; when I am sick; when I want to masturbate or look at schmutz; when I don't masturbate or look at schmutz; when I see I am self-absorbed; when I am afraid; when I look down on another person...we start with something that the steps apply to (usually the 4th - 7th) and work it so we live a bit differently in this very moment. Today. Not so that we change, are better, recover, (for we are completely powerless over outcomes) - but just to be different and do the sober thing right now.

After a bunch of 'todays' done differently, I start to grow, by Hashem's Chessed.

Knowing the steps through-and-through is bubkess. Garbage. Useless. The only thing that matters is using them. And davka when it doesn't feel natural...and because it doesn't feel natural.

If we are essentially doing the same thing, then we can expect essentially the same thing. Maybe that it why you feel things are 'the same'.

Now, Reb Eye, if you believe that you already are doing basically this (and none of us does it very well) and still feel little or no change...then I say to you with conviction that you need to hang on and keep up the good work. Get past this block and new light may open for you. It's k'dai to wait for.

"If we want things to be different, we have to live differently."