Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Do YOU see that you need to stop?

by Dov (See all authors)

The perennial GYE question is, "Well, how do I know I am an addict? Maybe I am just a ba'al tayva and have a bigger than normal YH for schmutz. Yes, it bothers me, and yes, I know all about 'doing teshuvah (I've done it seventy-five times already, on this very same thing!). But who says I need to bring out the big guns; that I must actually learn how to live a different way? That's kind of drastic, you know. Maybe I'm just a nice Jewish boy with a little problem?!"

And for me, the response is:

Well, you may be right. The only question is whether it bothers you enough. True, a normal person might see the cost of what I am doing and freak out, saying, "are you a lunatic!? You have everything going for you and look at what suffering you are causing yourself and those around you... What about your future - can't you see that it will not stop tomorrow, just like it didn't stop today? (and you were pretty sure yesterday that it would...) Before this is over, it will certainly will destroy everything you have and a lot that others around you have! You absolutely need to stop!"

Nope. They are wrong. Until I see that I need to stop, I cannot stop. And even then, I absolutely cannot stop on my own. That seems to be the way it works. Unless I finally come to view myself as having a hopeless - yes, hopeless - problem, a problem even bigger than I am, I will not get the help I really need. I will stick band-aides all over myself... haven't we all?