Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Are You Worth It?

Part 1/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Dov (See all authors)

Someone wrote on the forum:

I am a young married guy and I am desperate for help. I have been married almost 3 years and all this time I have had a problem with pornography, masturbation, and infidelity. My wife wants to leave me.... We tried therapy but just can't come down to the reason why I have done the things I did.

This is my last resort. I am turn here to GYE for help and guidance with this. I don't want to lose her, I want to start a family and my selfishness and problems are just pushing everything away.

Please, please help me.


Dov Responds:

Dear friend - my life was also a mess and I saw no way out. I have been sober for 14 years and our marriage is better than it ever was. So is my life. Have you found resources?

As far as counseling goes, I went to a psychotherapist when my wife found me out. We were getting divorced, it seemed. He convinced us that beyond a marriage problem, I had a big problem, so we agreed that I'd work on that for a while, then we'd tackle the marriage issue and decide if we should divorce, or not.

The shrink was flabbergasted every time I'd act out with lust! He just couldn't figure it out, and neither could I. I just knew that I needed it more than I needed my marriage. Period.

When I finally got desperate enough to get into serious recovery (and after switching shrinks), I got sober in a 12-Step fellowship and got the help I needed. The dust started to clear over the next 1-2 years, and things slowly got better at the same time. And by the way, I never needed to figure out why I did the crazy lust stuff and why I can't stop. For all I know I still can't stop! I got help because I can't do it . I tried for a long time. How long have you tried for? How's it working?

I still need help because I still can't do it - but am sober one day at a time so far and without any 'pressure building up'...and every single aspect of life is better this year than it was last year, no shayloh.

It was not easy, but what's that got to do with it? To me, the only question is: "Am I worth it?"

Are you ?