Well, I made it to day #188.

I had some falls over the last three weeks. All of them were masturbation only except one.

Starting the count again, but not starting over again. I have made a lot of progress and I am taking that and moving forward.

Will start posting regularly here for the accountability.

Thanks all for the support!

Well I yesterday was definitely not an easier day like I was hoping. I feel like my brain is starved for some stimulation and keeps coming back to me to say go look go look go look. If there was ever any doubt in my mind that this is an addiction I think yesterday can completely disprove that.
I know that really I don't want to look and that there are many reasons why I shouldn't give in. But at the time yesterday if you would of asked me to be completely honest I feel like I would of said I don't care anymore I just want to go and do it.
​I will end off today with a short tefilla for myself that Hashem should please help me that I should not have such strong desires today. 

Great big step you're taking by leaving your iPhone, hopefully in Yeshiva it will be easier for you to fight the challenge.

Hatzlacha, on the new zman too!

Striving Avreich wrote on 08 Apr 2021 09:08:

Yes, he has a filter.


Harav Lionking happens to be one of the techiest guys around here so filtering might not be the answer, hence the idea of screenshot accountability. 

Do you have a filter?

Welcome back!

How is Israel? How is the Army?

From my own experience (no where near 107 days) I find that trying to live life is the best and most straight forward way to go.
I hope are doing better

The needs that they are referring to (I think) are not sexual ones. Those needs don't need to be met. Just like an urge for 17 doughnuts.
The needs that need to be met are ones of meaningful, deep and honest relationships and connection

This is the way to do it! Call on the troops for back up.

#werenotaloneanymore #wequithiding

yankeesrock wrote on 08 Apr 2021 01:23:

I'm going to echo the sentiment from people above, One Day At A Time (ODAAT).
For me, ODAAT includes 2 things:

1. The task seems insurmountable of never ever masturbating or watching pornography etc. again. So let's focus on being clean and living life today and then deal with tomorrow when it comes.
2. It isn't about our streak, if there are 2 people. One who goes 500 days, but then falls and goes on a masturbation and pornography binge for 3 months straight. The other has 3 streaks of 175 days and but the falls are only once and then they get back up. Which of those options are a better option? I'd say the second.

(This is obviously not to say that falling is good, but 1) we're not perfect and falls may (or will) happen 2) Our goal should be to live life and not be consumed by this)
Other people also use it as a tactic for pushing off the Yetzer harah. You can say that I'm just focusing on being clean and living life today and if I fall tomorrow etc. that's a future my problem. Or something like that. I don't find that I need/use this often.

My point was that there are real programs and methodologies that do wonders for the most sexually addicted people out there.
Yes, we naturally want, but there is a way to go about learning to live life instead of being consumed by this terrible addiction.

Its me again . I couldn't type for a while bec my phone wouldn't give me access. I've been mainly successful in the army as I always kept busy  I even hit a record of 17 days! Recently I've been having a rough time. My phone's getting repaired so I had to use a friend's phone. I tried to filter it but wasn't successful until recently. I fell twice over a few days but I'm proud that I put up a crazy  fight the second time. My GYE partner Shomerain suggested reading the book power of habit by Charles Douhigg. I bought it and it's amazing. Teaches how our brain forms and changes routines that we never even take note of. Hoping to make it through shabbat without any more  pegam habit.

Okay, here is the short version.

Basically, happiness is what drives us, we all want to be happy. Most experts agree that happiness comes from pursuing and achieving your goals, i.e. happiness comes from feeling accomplished. There is another step and that is that the more selfish the goal is that we accomplish, the more superficial and shallow will be the happiness it brings. The more selfless and giving, the more powerful it will be. 

Sometimes we desire and feel the need to give, to express ourselves, to love and be loved. It can very well be just an urge for happiness, one that can be curbed if we channel our desire to giving and sacrificing for others.

I understand that feeling loved may be an emotional need, and we can desire to feel loved by parents, peers, or a woman in our life. The desire is real, but I think the root of it is the desire to feel whole, to fill that hole inside with something real and fulfilling. Feeling loved and cared for may be important, but filling the hole is something that only we can do for ourselves. Striving for selfless goals and accomplishing them fills that hole in a healthy and sustaining way.

It's interesting that everyone asks the same question; what is the secret to happiness. Let me share some of the answers that can be found.

1. Spiritual pursuits (Rav Dessler and others) as explained by Rabbi Twerski to mean things that are uniquely human and elevate us over animals like kindness, care, compassion, love, etc. He calls this "The human spirit."
2. Closeness to Hashem "ki zehu hta'anug ha'amiti." (Ramchal, in Mesilas Yesharim)
3. Long term meaningful relationships (Which can be had with Hashem also). (Harvard study)

The common theme is that they are all about giving up from oneself for someone or something else. Relationships are about sacrifice, growing closer to Hashem is about sacrifice and spiritual pursuits take sacrifice.

Essentially, the desire to be with a woman can just be the desire to give and sacrifice for others, but it can be confusing because women are physically attractive initially as opposed to other forms of giving which don't have that allure. If one looks past that, it's mostly the same. Obviously, getting married is the highest form of giving and sacrificing for another, it's also the most difficult to maintain which is why Hashem made woman attractive.

Many people find it helpful to channel this desire towards other forms of giving, whether it's working on existing relationships, developing new ones, helping those in need and so on. Some people try to fill their hole with all sorts of things but usually they just work to numb the pain. It's kind of like taking cocaine when you have chest pains. 

Working on healthy relationships with people and with G-d, fills the hole in a healthy and lasting way.

I hope this made sense.

Wilnevergiveup

Thanks @wngu for your time spent chatting with me, and @zedj for answering my SOS call. Crisis averted for tonight, bezh.
gonna try to get a few hours of sleep now...

Pure123 wrote on 08 Apr 2021 00:17:

I agree with you personally but how can those needs be met if one is not married? Sometimes reading these pages I think to myself maybe the problem is really a shidduch crisis, not a sex addiction crisis...