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Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Mar 2020 03:43 #348121

Day 61.

I just wanted to say that there is something so powerful about clicking the update drop down on the left side of the screen and selecting "I'm still clean."

What I thought about just now, is that it isn't the satisfaction of another day without pornography and masturbation. I have already written in this thread how I don't get that much satisfaction out of abstaining.

What is powerful, for me right now, is that the act itself of selecting "I'm still clean" actually is a reminder of my commitment and really stops me in my tracks from acting on my sexual urges. More than it being a marker of my progress, it helps me get through the next day.

The 90-Day Count and this forum thread have been great interventions in helping me these last 61 days.
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Hey Optomisim!

There are many on GYE who can probably relate to your anxiety, and even those who can't will still be able to relate for your "self-sooth' way. So first of all know you are not alone and many before you have conquered this challenge already! 

Anxiety is something Hashem put in this world because we are supposed to overcome it to the best of our ability. (I am not talking about serious cases of anxiety that require medication. If you think you should be taking medication see the appropriate doctor.) Similar to other internal struggles anxiety takes hold of us and we want to do anything to make stop. 

I highly recommend using GYE as a forum to make things very real and denounce the yetzer hara that comes in the form of anxiety. As you work on telling your yetzer  hara that he is not fix or "sooth" to your pure neshoma, share those successes. 

This is no doubt a challenge, but Hashem loves you and would only give you something you could handle! 

Hatzlacha! 
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Hello I can relate to social anxiety on many levels as well as the abuse I'm trying to make a forum for just people who got abuse but have no idea  I'm not gonna say I'm a survivor but as time did go and I put on a bull confidence it actually merged into something though the sweat still remains by social gatherings!!!
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Thank you David for your words of encouragement and for sharing the wise words of Hillel, which is exactly what I needed to hear.
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Basics,my friend the y"h can literally do whatever the hell he wants to get you, no matter how up on the mountain you are he will always find a loose rock to make you slide on,be it the change of scenery,(you were in e"y shtieging)now you came back home and have a little more time so even though you were holding way higher than lapsing it managed to snatch you down with Hope's to put you back in your old way DO NOT FEEL TO BAD TO PUSH FORWARD THAT WAS THE Y"H PLAN rather continue up the hard as hell mountain and keep climbing my friend you could do it (apparently because you just did!) I've had yout experience uncountable amount a times. Daven little harder in davening and have zero worries your a king and you did great last zman keep pushing forward
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The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt is regret for having done something bad, while shame is feeling that you ARE bad. Of course, this is a major distinction as the Torah requires authentic guilt as one of the steps of repentance. However, guilt and regret is not the same as crushing self-hatred and shame.

The best indicator of whether your guilt is healthy or not comes by evaluating if you are ultimately growing and improving, or not. The person who makes excuses for his behavior does not grow, but neither does the person who is paralyzed and depressed by his guilt. It is unnatural for a person to stay at the same level. If that is happening, there is either too little guilt or too much guilt. If you are not able to see yourself objectively, then it is time to talk it over with someone whom you trust so you can get out of your rut and take steps to enrich your life.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
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Congrats on level1! I can relate with what you wrote about fantasizing and thinking things about women. I find my mind wandering even at the mention of the word "my sister" that my friends mention.

I think that DavidT has a great point. I find that the more people made a big deal about shmiras enayim and how bad it is and how we need to be super super careful, this problem just gets worse because I think about how I'm not supposed to think about it which makes me think about it - little of a tongue twister there.
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 01:53 by Mango010.
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​Thanks. It's just that such a drastic changed occurred, from being in a comfortable position against this battle to now it being a very real challenge - I guess certain things about my circumstances in e"y helped battle against this challenge.

​Also, I still carry with me the guilt of this challenge before I had this long streak. I was never able to go more than a couple days without falling, some days days even falling multiple times.
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 01:26 by Mango010.
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Eliezer Zev wrote on 27 Mar 2020 00:51:
This week has been tough, and today especially. Just a few minutes ago in the chat, a wise gentleman told me that I needed a recovery plan. Sounds obvious, right? I thought a web-blocker and a therapist would do the trick, but I found out this week that it just wasn't so. The reason: there is no trick. I will be in this fight for a long time... maybe the rest of my life. But so be it. I am going to win. I am going to double down on the good effects GYE has had on me. I've already sought a partner, and I am going to track my each of my days (in my 90 day count), and I plan to write here at least weekly. If you have advice, I'm all ears. BH.

You definitely have the right attitude to win the battle!

please rremember this "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"​

wishing you all the best !
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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This struggle is very normal, and everybody deals with it on some level or another. Having a desire for this doesn’t mean that there is anything negative about a person. Chazal tell us that , a person’s nefesh craves it. Chazal aren’t referring specifically to bad people; they are addressing every single person.

There is no kehillah that can be considered immune to this. Every group of Yidden across the entire world deals with this yetzer hora.

You need to realize that you have no control over when a nisayon comes your way. An improper thought may fall into your head suddenly, out of the blue. Since this is the case, you have no reason to feel bad that the thought came; it was out of your realm of bechirah.

Bechirah, however, does lie in whether the person will leave the thought alone and allow it to pass through,or whether he will dwell on it, which causes it to leave a stronger impact on him.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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This week has been tough, and today especially. Just a few minutes ago in the chat, a wise gentleman told me that I needed a recovery plan. Sounds obvious, right? I thought a web-blocker and a therapist would do the trick, but I found out this week that it just wasn't so. The reason: there is no trick. I will be in this fight for a long time... maybe the rest of my life. But so be it. I am going to win. I am going to double down on the good effects GYE has had on me. I've already sought a partner, and I am going to track my each of my days (in my 90 day count), and I plan to write here at least weekly. If you have advice, I'm all ears. BH.
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I'm a bochur who just came back for bein hazmanim. Before going to e"y I struggled with Masturbation. I was clean for the entire zman - my longest streak ever and within my first week back at home I fell.

Being back home instantly made me start having urges - even without seeing anything inappropriate on the internet or going out (CaronaVirus). I have a couple chavrusas over the phone that I enjoy learning with and some other hobbies to try to fill my time.

Can anyone help - its as if a switch was flipped - its so frustrating and I feel bad about it? Also, do other people struggle with this even when things are going well and you feel fulfilled? Thanks.
Last Edit: 02 Apr 2020 15:52 by Mango010.
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Many of our members get their chizuk from the GYE website and forums online. But when Shabbos comes, they feel that they are bereft of their life-line.

To help our members get through Shabbos remaining inspired, GuardYourEyes is proud to announce the launch of a new weekly newsletter, designed to be printed out before Shabbos. The 4 page pamphlet contains divrei Torah, humor and anecdotes, which relate to the struggle of shmiras einayim in today's world, tied in with current events and the weekly parsha.

For the first edition for Parshas Va'Yikra, click here to download.

Print it out for Shabbos to breath a spirit of Kedusha on this holy day!
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 00:17 by DavidT.
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Small corona lesson 26 Mar 2020 22:37 #348105

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Last night I was thinking in bed what can I learn about this crazy disease. more specifically a disease that literally for some people is nothing at all and people don’t even know they have it, and for some people will be deadly r’l. That is a pretty crazy thing. 
Some people might’ve noticed or talked about this how it applies to our struggle because I think it’s pretty obvious. Most of us on this site, if not all of us, can not afford even a tiny tiny drop of lust, of looking were we shouldn’t, or thinking about that one stupid fantasy for a little longer. While some people might be able to see an image or a specific person and not think about it later (they shouldn’t see it either but if they do) but for us it could stick with us and ruin our day and much much more. Literally deadly. I know I can be going strong, having learnt in the morning bavli, yerushalmi, Shulchan Aruch, and that same day want to do the worst aveiros out there because of one image I let in that I shouldn’t have and it snowballs.  Someone else might see that same thing and move on with his day with no lasting impression. But we have to be even more diligent and careful. We have the “underlying conditions” and need to isolate more. 
Kol tuv
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For a while I have been using Pluckeye, which is a filter mostly notable for protecting Linux machines. It looks like it's been discussed here a couple times. Here are some things I have learned from my experience. Implementing this stuff has caused me to not have a fall from my Linux machine in several months (I have, sadly done so, but its been from other devices).


Their website, pluckeye.net has good resources. For installation information, www.pluckeye.net/how-to-install.html has good information. Also this forum has good stuff by looking up "pluckeye" in the forum.


A few points and pointers that weren't emphasized on that website or this forum:


1. You shouldn't usually have root access to your machine. You'll need root access to set it up but not afterwards. What I did was go onto one of the many random password generator websites, generated 64 characters of gobblygook, printed that out and put it in a box outside of home. If I need to install software I can retrieve it, but usually I use a non-admin account. If you are one of those people with a photographic memory you might need to do something else.





Second: You really need to use a Ubuntu-like distro if you are on Linux. Debian, Pop OS etc all work but Ubuntu is by far the best.  Fedora, Arch, etc will not work. I feel Jon, the developer, is a bit too equivocal on this point. Maybe you like something else, but it's not worth it.


If you use anything that is not Ubuntu, even Debian, you may need to delete your recovery partition. To do this: format the recovery partition (you will need to be root to do this)


Then, before shutting down, edit /etc/fstab and remove the line that has the phrase "RECOVERY" or something like that. (If you shut down first, you can still do it but will need to go into recovery terminal mode).


By default it blocks all images but does not block access to any websites. This solves by default the majority of the problem. I have found it is best to use a whitelist still, because of time wasting and inappropriate reading material.


(the following setup commands do not need root, so you can send that paper to your Chaver in North Korea now or wherever you will keep it)


To set up  a whitelist.


type in to terminal, once it's installed:


pluck add "Deny"


After that, think of all the websites you know that are good.


pluck add "Allow simpletoremember.com"


pluck add "Allow work.biz"


etc. These sites will be totally allowed.


Once you've done all of this, Set it to really work :


pluck level 2


pluck set "delay 1 Day"


Now it's blocking all of your apps and any setting that you


If you need to make things more lenient by allowing a site etc you don't need root, just type in the change, wait for the delay and you'll be set.


If you find some loophole, try typing "pluck nhb" to increase protection even more although it might cause some problems. Otherwise email him.


Finally, ssh can cause some issues with this. If you have an account me@hackercentral-server.su just  type:


pluck add "Block hackercentral-server.su"


Also, the X-tian branding on some of it does not affect use of the software and you really should pay the suggested amount even if he doesn't make you.


This software works on Windows and Mac too, but haven't tried it on any of those. There's lots of stuff on their website at "www.pluckeye.net/faq.html" and examples of syntax at "www.pluckeye.net/eg.plu" Anyway, let me know if you have any questions and Hatzlicha to all programmers/nerds/free software enthusiasts!
Last Edit: 26 Mar 2020 21:00 by greenland55. Reason: made bit more better
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