Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest
Recent Posts

Re: My Clean Days Log 08 Apr 2021 13:43 #366535

Well, I made it to day #188.

I had some falls over the last three weeks. All of them were masturbation only except one.

Starting the count again, but not starting over again. I have made a lot of progress and I am taking that and moving forward.

Will start posting regularly here for the accountability.

Thanks all for the support!
The following user(s) said Thank You: HappyYid, wilnevergiveup, Sapy
  • strugle613
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
  • Karma: 4
Well I yesterday was definitely not an easier day like I was hoping. I feel like my brain is starved for some stimulation and keeps coming back to me to say go look go look go look. If there was ever any doubt in my mind that this is an addiction I think yesterday can completely disprove that.
I know that really I don't want to look and that there are many reasons why I shouldn't give in. But at the time yesterday if you would of asked me to be completely honest I feel like I would of said I don't care anymore I just want to go and do it.
​I will end off today with a short tefilla for myself that Hashem should please help me that I should not have such strong desires today. 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 08 Apr 2021 12:00 #366533

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 69 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 123
  • Karma: 8
Great big step you're taking by leaving your iPhone, hopefully in Yeshiva it will be easier for you to fight the challenge.

Hatzlacha, on the new zman too!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 08 Apr 2021 09:14 #366531

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 690
  • Karma: 36
Striving Avreich wrote on 08 Apr 2021 09:08:
Do you have a filter?

Yes, he has a filter.

Went searching for loopholes through the filter.


Harav Lionking happens to be one of the techiest guys around here so filtering might not be the answer, hence the idea of screenshot accountability. 
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
The following user(s) said Thank You: Hakolhevel, lionking

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 08 Apr 2021 09:08 #366530

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
Do you have a filter?
The following user(s) said Thank You: lionking

Re: Starting to get it 08 Apr 2021 09:06 #366529

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 690
  • Karma: 36
Welcome back!

How is Israel? How is the Army?
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 08 Apr 2021 09:05 #366528

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
From my own experience (no where near 107 days) I find that trying to live life is the best and most straight forward way to go.
I hope are doing better
The following user(s) said Thank You: Lou
  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
The needs that they are referring to (I think) are not sexual ones. Those needs don't need to be met. Just like an urge for 17 doughnuts.
The needs that need to be met are ones of meaningful, deep and honest relationships and connection
  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
This is the way to do it! Call on the troops for back up.

#werenotaloneanymore #wequithiding
The following user(s) said Thank You: Hakolhevel

Re: fell 08 Apr 2021 09:00 #366525

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
yankeesrock wrote on 08 Apr 2021 01:23:
Just fell and I don't know how I'm ever going to make it to 90 

I'm going to echo the sentiment from people above, One Day At A Time (ODAAT).
For me, ODAAT includes 2 things:
  1. The task seems insurmountable of never ever masturbating or watching pornography etc. again. So let's focus on being clean and living life today and then deal with tomorrow when it comes.
  2. It isn't about our streak, if there are 2 people. One who goes 500 days, but then falls and goes on a masturbation and pornography binge for 3 months straight. The other has 3 streaks of 175 days and but the falls are only once and then they get back up. Which of those options are a better option? I'd say the second.

(This is obviously not to say that falling is good, but 1) we're not perfect and falls may (or will) happen 2) Our goal should be to live life and not be consumed by this)
Other people also use it as a tactic for pushing off the Yetzer harah. You can say that I'm just focusing on being clean and living life today and if I fall tomorrow etc. that's a future my problem. Or something like that. I don't find that I need/use this often.

Re: Time to quit! 08 Apr 2021 08:50 #366524

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 79 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 130
  • Karma: 9
My point was that there are real programs and methodologies that do wonders for the most sexually addicted people out there.
Yes, we naturally want, but there is a way to go about learning to live life instead of being consumed by this terrible addiction.

Starting to get it 08 Apr 2021 08:44 #366523

  • Taharat Yisrael
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 27
  • Karma: 2
Its me again . I couldn't type for a while bec my phone wouldn't give me access. I've been mainly successful in the army as I always kept busy  I even hit a record of 17 days! Recently I've been having a rough time. My phone's getting repaired so I had to use a friend's phone. I tried to filter it but wasn't successful until recently. I fell twice over a few days but I'm proud that I put up a crazy  fight the second time. My GYE partner Shomerain suggested reading the book power of habit by Charles Douhigg. I bought it and it's amazing. Teaches how our brain forms and changes routines that we never even take note of. Hoping to make it through shabbat without any more  pegam habit.
The following user(s) said Thank You: wilnevergiveup
  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 690
  • Karma: 36
Okay, here is the short version.

Basically, happiness is what drives us, we all want to be happy. Most experts agree that happiness comes from pursuing and achieving your goals, i.e. happiness comes from feeling accomplished. There is another step and that is that the more selfish the goal is that we accomplish, the more superficial and shallow will be the happiness it brings. The more selfless and giving, the more powerful it will be. 

Sometimes we desire and feel the need to give, to express ourselves, to love and be loved. It can very well be just an urge for happiness, one that can be curbed if we channel our desire to giving and sacrificing for others.

I understand that feeling loved may be an emotional need, and we can desire to feel loved by parents, peers, or a woman in our life. The desire is real, but I think the root of it is the desire to feel whole, to fill that hole inside with something real and fulfilling. Feeling loved and cared for may be important, but filling the hole is something that only we can do for ourselves. Striving for selfless goals and accomplishing them fills that hole in a healthy and sustaining way.

It's interesting that everyone asks the same question; what is the secret to happiness. Let me share some of the answers that can be found.
  1. Spiritual pursuits (Rav Dessler and others) as explained by Rabbi Twerski to mean things that are uniquely human and elevate us over animals like kindness, care, compassion, love, etc. He calls this "The human spirit."
  2. Closeness to Hashem "ki zehu hta'anug ha'amiti." (Ramchal, in Mesilas Yesharim)
  3. Long term meaningful relationships (Which can be had with Hashem also). (Harvard study)

The common theme is that they are all about giving up from oneself for someone or something else. Relationships are about sacrifice, growing closer to Hashem is about sacrifice and spiritual pursuits take sacrifice.

Essentially, the desire to be with a woman can just be the desire to give and sacrifice for others, but it can be confusing because women are physically attractive initially as opposed to other forms of giving which don't have that allure. If one looks past that, it's mostly the same. Obviously, getting married is the highest form of giving and sacrificing for another, it's also the most difficult to maintain which is why Hashem made woman attractive.

Many people find it helpful to channel this desire towards other forms of giving, whether it's working on existing relationships, developing new ones, helping those in need and so on. Some people try to fill their hole with all sorts of things but usually they just work to numb the pain. It's kind of like taking cocaine when you have chest pains. 

Working on healthy relationships with people and with G-d, fills the hole in a healthy and lasting way.

I hope this made sense.

Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 08 Apr 2021 12:46 by wilnevergiveup.
The following user(s) said Thank You: shmuel83
  • OivedElokim
  • Current streak: 21 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 318
  • Karma: 8
Thanks @wngu for your time spent chatting with me, and @zedj for answering my SOS call. Crisis averted for tonight, bezh.
gonna try to get a few hours of sleep now...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

The following user(s) said Thank You: Striving Avreich
  • shmuel83
  • Current streak: 16 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 34
  • Karma: 3
Pure123 wrote on 08 Apr 2021 00:17:
glad to hear that you wonderful loving people in your life,
but that still doesn't mean that you are actually receiving the love you need... 
the point is not if you having loving parents or terrific siblings... the point is if you are receiving the love you need constantly... 

I promise that if you would be receiving your loving and emotional needs, then you would not be so desperate for this girl...

sometime you need to give yourself those needs as well... its not always something someone can provide..

I agree with you personally but how can those needs be met if one is not married? Sometimes reading these pages I think to myself maybe the problem is really a shidduch crisis, not a sex addiction crisis...
Time to create page: 0.45 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes