Why did I come to GYE, and what am I expecting?

After struggling most of my life, after having my struggles take a turn for the worse in the last 18 monts, at the same time as my life became a lot more meaningful, I started to take my lust acting out a lot more seriously and took myself by the hand. I was talking to a mentor throughout (who at first was not convinced I was an addict). I started with nedarim, which worked until they didn't. I came to GYE, I having only a vague idea of what to expect, because I knew it was 'the next step up' to addressing my struggle. I started with watching the Flight to Freedom videos, which I don't think had more than a limited effect.

Another thing I thought I'd find on GYE was someone I could reach out and talk to to guide me through, which I have done, and I think this is the biggest aspect of my progress since joining. I'm still undecided about posting on the forum.

I'm an addict, and I MUST stop. I'm grateful for any and all advice, perspective and criticism from anyone who has been there and b"h done that.

AlwaysHappyAlwaysHopeful wrote on 05 Feb 2024 16:35:


Can you please share how you were able to be super clean for almost 3 months?

Thanks so much for sharing!

I have been struggling, up and down, for 7 years now. I have gone through lots of challenges in life but they are ultimately excuses to find some kind of immediate gratification, to "numb" my pains. However, I am working a really good program of recovery now, up and more up for over two years. And super clean for almost 3 months. But the challenges of addiction and feeling of powerless over my desires, lust and wanting to connect are stronger than I am. But Hashem, is giving me the strength, one day at a time. I wish to connect with others and share my message of recovery, strength and hope - for my benefit, especially, as well as yours. 

adam2014 wrote on 30 Jan 2024 10:44:

Totally relate to this feeling

It could be related to perfectionism/all or nothing that is often found in adhd's & addicts

​for me I was squishing my conscience to deal with the pain of having cheated on my wife and that was numbing my avodas H. all round too
Once I could face my SH** [don't know how to say that forcefully but nicely - any alternatives?] in the mirror, my 'ligen in lernen' took a new level almost immediately
Basically the trigger of mitzvos can be conscience, which then needs porn to dull....

[in my case I was after rehab and ready to face my conscience]

yiftach wrote on 30 Jan 2024 10:56:

Absolutely! And yet sometimes we get stuck in a slightly broader cocoon (fake username...) and we need a push to get out of that too, If we wait until we feel that we have outgrown our cocoon, it might never come. In my case I got suffocated and suffered while still refusing to break out of my new addiction (GYE) and it was still not enough. I was told that I probably need SA, yet it was still not enough. I was told that I need to quit GYE because it holds me back from real recovery and it helped me to finally jump into an SA meeting yet it was still not enough to make me quit completely... as you see...

Every day you still se me posting means that I'm still not ready to give up my 'lust' for GYE.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't disregard the credit that my journey on GYE has in where I am today, I was not ready to show up to a meeting in-person before getting to post and talk on the phone and meeting you. But it's time for me to move on...

And dear Adam, I don't know you and the situation you're in, nor am I qualified to tell you what's good for you, but please consider the above. For me is was fear of going out there that fooled me that I really really still need GYE.

All the best! buddies.

Been too long since I checked in. It's been a rough month. Very much gave up on trying. 



I don't have any big goals now, but I want to be clean today.

I also want to want to be clean tomorrow.



Happened to see a mindblowing Rambam in moreh nevuchim. He writes that a person's seichel is connected to Hashem, and if the person wants he can strengthen that connection or he can weaken it until it breaks. 

Rambam is telling us we can't just cut ourselves off with one bad act or one bad day. You can only weaken that connection until it breaks on its own. Fascinating. 

And how do we weaken that connection. By being involved with other things. "Even if you were to be the wisest of g-dly philosophers, when you turn your mind to necessary food or other business needs, you have already severed the connection between you and Hashem, and you are not with him and he is not with you."



Intense stuff. I think porn is only the second biggest distraction in my life. The biggest is reading - primarily fantasy novels but also random blogs, fiction whatever - which is probably a harder addiction to kick (although at one point I stopped reading non-jewish entertainment for a couple years. Similar to porn, once you fall it really grabs you back). 

I gonna try bl"n to cut out reading as a lateral attack on porn. Idk if that's gonna just be twice as hard or if it'll make things easier. But I gotta do something about this.

Heeling wrote on 29 Jan 2024 17:42:

Well said. 

The blood and sweat that you, dear True-self, and many others have poured into their journey here on GYE and beyond, cannot be understated. 

For some, it has meant remaining here on these hallowed, dusty 'ole pages and that was fine.
For some, it has led to beautiful, special new friendships.
And for some, it's a springboard for other types of Hishtadlus. 

All meaningful, special and real.

And yes, sometimes boring, annoying, addictive, peculiar (that was for you, connected. ) or downright inspiring and exciting!

Warm wishes, 

-YouKnowWho 

Why do I want need to stop?

A beautiful question indeed!

I have found that having a clear idea as to my purpose in life, and keeping this in my mind, is quite helpful toward achieving said purpose.

What is the purpose of my life?

To do what HASHEM created me to do.

Now, what indeed did HASHEM create me to do?

I'm sure many of us have many ways of expressing what I believe is essentially the same idea. My phrasing comes from R' Yitzchok Berkovits shlit"a:

   to become a BIG person.

And I know two things for sure:

• Continuing to use lust to escape from my life will prevent me from being BIG. Ignoring the elephant in the room, trying to get ahead by working on everything but this, is refusing to engage with my reality, and will guarantee I will stay small.
• The reality of my lust addiction is the biggest way in which I am out of alignment with my values, and hence the central opportunity HASHEM has given me to become BIG. The path toward who I am supposed to be, who I CAN be, leads this way.

Doesn't look like I have a choice.

Taking my life without this issue (and the way I've been looking at it for most of my growth hence) it is purely my optional choice a) which way to grow and b) how hard to work at it. For a laziness-motivated person like me, that's gonna limit how BIG I can be.

But facing up to my reality, acknowledging that I HAVE TO b) completely overcome a) this challenge, unlocks a whole new level of growth. This is so exciting!

Looking forward to trucking with all you guys, 

Good Shabbos 

Rav Adam,

You are truly an inspiration to all of us! To see you take the path towards purity is very encouraging and exciting. 

Now, regarding your iPhone, I gave mine up years ago after having every phone since the 3G, it changed my life to the better. 1000% 
Its an extra addiction that i dont need. 
But, you gotta be ready for it and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, I was sure that i cant stay clean with a smartphone, i simply couldnt, i would always find a loophole. Plus the excitment of knowing that I have something in my pocket that could give me that pleasure, that itself kept my fantasy mind up and running, so i got rid of it. 
So you gotta make sure you have enough conviction and reason to do it. 

Regarding Uber, im using a phone called the Qin F30, its a android phone but its modified to be kosher, it has email, uber, waze, i love it. 

Good Luck

Thanks for every1 for showing support

I'm b"h still in the program. felling really good  about my  "שבת בא .." יציאת מצרים i will get with hshem's help @ my 13th holy day out of נ' שערי טומאה !! going out my own מצרים iy"h.
AS the hiliger עטרת צבי from zidichov said once that שבת בא it comes down a אור that even פסח you can not get it!!

@ Captain Thanks for ur support. i downloaded the 2 files will read it iy'h after Shabbos..

@ davidt thanks for the advise!  I would Wish to have a  rebbe that knows how to deal "with addicts" and help me bchla"l in avoidas hshem!! but where can I find someone who knows how to help an an addict?

Hi, my name is here2grow (for the purposes of this discussion) and I am a lust addict.

I'm finding GYE very helpful for my recovery.

I may say more as time goes on, but for now, I'm saying hi.

this is my first time I'm trying this... (the following is a real story) 


That guy is so successful in life
He has amazing talent and a special wife
His services are in high demand 
He earns yearly a few hundred grand

I'm such a failure compared to him 
My struggles are so great, while his are so slim
When we see only the surface, life seems so unfair
But you never know, so don't compare

That guy later became the talk of the town
When his name is mentioned, people frown
He struggled silently with addiction and was mentally ill
At one point he attempted himself to kill

His wife is with him no more 
He's not rich, but very poor
Never judge by what you see with your eyes
There is so much more behind the disguise

People are fighting silent battles which we don't know about
Instead of judging, give them the benefit of a doubt 
Thank Hashem for all the good that he on you bestowed  
For he loves you and he's your father so proud 

yitzchokm wrote on 17 Jan 2024 19:59:

lets not obsess over it, and get addicted

cande wrote on 17 Jan 2024 04:37:

Yes. Without his criticism that set things straight the last time I made a serious mistake, and a kind email that he sent me asking how I was doing after I left the forum because I was addicted to it at the time and then had 3 setbacks, I would not be here today with a long streak. The last thing I want is for Cordnoy to be done with me.

I should go to Vegas! I just said yesterday that “I wouldn’t be surprised if I got on here tomorrow and said that I had a fall”…. Well sure enough.. I did! 14 days down the toilet? NO, I have now acted out ONCE in 15 days.. That is still a good achievement. 

Not going to beat myself up over this. I was at work, had an employee’s laptop that needed updating and BAM! The YH finally saw an opening and I fell in short order. 

While I have compared this addiction to alcoholism and drug abuse, one stark difference is there is no hangover. I feel good again today. I am ready for the day and it’s going to be a good one. I am seeing the progress that I am making. In the past, I knew that if I fell once, I was giving myself the green light to fall over and over again for the next few days. That is not my mindset now. I fell, I got back up and I’m moving forward. No guilt, No shame.. just another pothole on this road to recovery. 

So a new streak begins.. Today is day one! Let it be a great day, because everyday is precious and a gift from HaShem… I am going to make the most of it!

Have a great day guys!!!