Hi, my name is here2grow (for the purposes of this discussion) and I am a lust addict.

I'm finding GYE very helpful for my recovery.

I may say more as time goes on, but for now, I'm saying hi.

I'm actually really OK to share what is going on for me. My perfectionism was stopping me posting an introduction - I felt I have to get EVERYTHING down. Feel free to ask me a question, which I'll try to answer specifically. 

Welcome! 
Please share with us which methods or other parts of Gye have you found helpful so far.

What are you struggling with?

Hi!
What are you hoping to find here?
Are you willing to speak to people?

I'm 28. married nearly two years with a 10-month-old daughter. I've been struggling with lust since pre-teens. I managed to avoid abusing the Internet until very recently (until I was a chosson, in fact). I am currently struggling with inappropriate text and images online (only through HASHEM's mercy, not hardcore pornography). The most prominent underlying factor right now is stress, sometimes from my marriage but most often from work. I am talking to a mentor I found through GYE, and feel I am on a road headed toward freedom, menuchas hanefesh and my life goals.

Why do I want need to stop?

A beautiful question indeed!

I have found that having a clear idea as to my purpose in life, and keeping this in my mind, is quite helpful toward achieving said purpose.

What is the purpose of my life?

To do what HASHEM created me to do.

Now, what indeed did HASHEM create me to do?

I'm sure many of us have many ways of expressing what I believe is essentially the same idea. My phrasing comes from R' Yitzchok Berkovits shlit"a:

   to become a BIG person.

And I know two things for sure:

• Continuing to use lust to escape from my life will prevent me from being BIG. Ignoring the elephant in the room, trying to get ahead by working on everything but this, is refusing to engage with my reality, and will guarantee I will stay small.
• The reality of my lust addiction is the biggest way in which I am out of alignment with my values, and hence the central opportunity HASHEM has given me to become BIG. The path toward who I am supposed to be, who I CAN be, leads this way.

Doesn't look like I have a choice.

Taking my life without this issue (and the way I've been looking at it for most of my growth hence) it is purely my optional choice a) which way to grow and b) how hard to work at it. For a laziness-motivated person like me, that's gonna limit how BIG I can be.

But facing up to my reality, acknowledging that I HAVE TO b) completely overcome a) this challenge, unlocks a whole new level of growth. This is so exciting!

Looking forward to trucking with all you guys, 

Good Shabbos 

I'm having a very tough day today, loads of stress from all sides. I'll deal with it or not deal with it however I will, but using is not an option.

BORUCH HASHEM I made it through yesterday! I really think I taught myself something about my coping ability.

Why did I come to GYE, and what am I expecting?

After struggling most of my life, after having my struggles take a turn for the worse in the last 18 monts, at the same time as my life became a lot more meaningful, I started to take my lust acting out a lot more seriously and took myself by the hand. I was talking to a mentor throughout (who at first was not convinced I was an addict). I started with nedarim, which worked until they didn't. I came to GYE, I having only a vague idea of what to expect, because I knew it was 'the next step up' to addressing my struggle. I started with watching the Flight to Freedom videos, which I don't think had more than a limited effect.

Another thing I thought I'd find on GYE was someone I could reach out and talk to to guide me through, which I have done, and I think this is the biggest aspect of my progress since joining. I'm still undecided about posting on the forum.

I'm an addict, and I MUST stop. I'm grateful for any and all advice, perspective and criticism from anyone who has been there and b"h done that.

Hello,
Welcome to GYE! You have made the right choice in coming here. 
Many of us went thru similar situations like yourself, some easier and some harder. But a lot of people here can attest that the first glimmer of hope and the first thing that started working for them was joining GYE. 
What I would ask myself is this. 

How badly do I want to quit? How much damage is being done to me by continuing to do this? think long and hard about this, make a list write down EVERYTHING you can think of why you want to quit. 

Next, ask yourself, so why am i not quitting? What would mean quitting for you? no Porn, no erection, no masturbation? Everyone has an initial goal where they wanna be in the near future. Once you reach that goal you can move up. But first where are you struggling now? 

For me, it helped that once i was clear that I want to quit very badly, I saw that the reason im not is that my mind is simply addicted and used to the pleasure of it, but that can be fixed, by knowing that its just something that the mind/body wants but not YOU, it gets easier to separate yourself from the lust. This is called diffusion, look up this tool if you think this makes sense. 

Good luck
If you want to hear more, you can email me chancygye@outlook.com

chancy wrote on 07 Feb 2024 17:27:

Good stuff. 
Welcome. You are thoughtful, determined, and realistic. You want to change. 
The lust of isn’t what you want, even though it feels like it sometimes. 

It’s good to track it, what are the patterns that have lead you to use in the past? What happened before and after the last few falls. 

Guys like you, and with greater challenges, have broken free.
Hope lives here. 

Here are my best wishes, and a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen