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05 Apr 2017 14:18
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needhelp28
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Hi
Thanks for taking the time to read...
I have been suffering with this addiction since i was around 11 years old. Thats 19 yars of constant shame.
In yeshiva i opened up to my mashgiach about my troubles but after an initial chizuk i was too embarassed to keep telling him i failed. I have been through periods of my life when i am mechazek myself often during ellul or soemtimes when things go wrong in my life. The chizuk lasts varying amounts of time but always when im nichshal i return to being oiver these aveiros on a regular basis. In yeshiva i once went 7 weeks, last ellul until erev succos i managed to abstain and just recently it was 4 weeks. However it never lasts.
I have by nature an addictive personality, when im in a routine i can continue but as soon as i veer away i spiral out of control.
I have 2 grogeous kids and an amazing wife KNH (who knows nothing of these struggles) and i feel like such a hypocrite. I have made good advances in other areas of my ruchnius but somehow everyhting seems to revolve around this. When things are going well im learning before shachris not missing a tefilla and trying my best to be shomer torah umitzvos and when im in the grips of this aveirah im waking up late missing davening/chavrusa and generally depressed with life.
I know what i could achieve without this hovering over me and yet i still cant rid myself of said aveiros. Im at a loss! Im aware of what it does to my neshomo, i know the punishments i deserve but i just cant stop. I feel that one day when i go to Shomayim any good things i did in my life will pale into insignificance when compared with the amount of times i have committed these aveiros.
I always thought the reason i keep failing is becasue of a lack of emunah. I spent the last year working on that, i have finished shaar bitochon a few times and heard loads of droshos about emunah but to no avail. I am a slave to my addiction. Its like my yetzer hora is toying with me and i am yet to find any answers.
Binyomin
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05 Apr 2017 13:27
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the.guard
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THIS WEEK'S TOPIC ON DOV'S 8 AM CALL TOMORROW (THURS):
"Addiction and Recovery Concepts in the Pesach Seder
and the Avodah of Pesach"
Click here for more info on Dov's weekly call
Want to hear recordings of previous calls? Click here.
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05 Apr 2017 06:10
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GrowStrong
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 23:55:
GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 22:04:
cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 20:03:
Another reason why I don't understand the above is because I place little significance I the distinction between addict and non addict.
There can be a לשיטתם (written on English, the damn moderator would strike a line thru it) goin' on here, for Dov places emphasis on steps 1-3, while I eschew step 4-7.
So you are on the 8 step program?
Better than a half step program.
I saw today an advertisement for a sober Seder. Grape juice, obviously. They have 12 steps (instead of 15).
I love that we went into discussion on housecleaning and who's side of the road we need to focus on in Troubles thread blaming everyone else.
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04 Apr 2017 23:55
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cordnoy
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GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 22:04:
cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 20:03:
Another reason why I don't understand the above is because I place little significance I the distinction between addict and non addict.
There can be a לשיטתם (written on English, the damn moderator would strike a line thru it) goin' on here, for Dov places emphasis on steps 1-3, while I eschew step 4-7.
So you are on the 8 step program?
Better than a half step program.
I saw today an advertisement for a sober Seder. Grape juice, obviously. They have 12 steps (instead of 15).
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04 Apr 2017 23:51
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neshamaincharge
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 20:03:
GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:27:
cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:12:
GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:
Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:
As people (or whatever you call those from countries in the south below the equator, on the (so-called) other side of the world (which I am not even sure really exists)) have been taking my words out of context, or taking context out of my words (which would serve them right), I feel the need to explain myself and to clarify (or not) my position on "blame."
I never said that one has the RIGHT to blame others. What I did say (I think) is that one should not automatically blame himself when there are others who are clearly at fault, or even if it's not so clear, and even if it's only partially their fault. Let us not get caught up in depression. The world can be sick and it is populated by sick people. Our actions perhaps can be justified by looking around us. Heck, it's easier than changing ourselves; isn't it? Why choose a difficult path when the answer is clearly (or not so clearly) in front of us, and it is not a mirror, but rather, it's the other guy/gal/#aborigine (and, yes, I know that I just traveled across the ocean, but seriously, is there a difference between the two? I view those countries as nothing more but a haven for beach volleyball); so, as an option, playing the blame game can work at times, and isn't this site all about games that work (and that can include throne games as well)?
We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ ’
From the paragraphs I skip when reading the Big Book on my calls.
IMHO, it is completely counter productive for recovery.
Are there sick people? Yes.
Are they the cause of our problems? Usually not.
Who is? Us/me.
We don't all have the ability to hold no resentments and to never get hurt by our partners and friends actions.
We need to face the resentments and understand that while the root of the problem is us, and that while the majority of the resentments most likely come from FANCIED wrong-doings, ie that, that is not real, they like us are sick.
THEIR resentments, and inability to forgive or move on, is THEIR side of the street. Its not our side of the street.
"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend."
By skipping out this section - you lose the importance of the fact that first and foremost it is ourselves that we need to show tolerance, pity and patience with. For they are like us. We are all spiritually sick.
The difference? The non- addict remains with the negative emotions and doesn't medicate it away. Or they medicate it, but without a need to increase the dosage or with the ability to stop as they choose.
The addict medicates it.
I will of course be happy to debate you at length on the phone the argument that there are ideas in the big book that are counter productive to recovery.
Another reason why I don't understand the above is because I place little significance I the distinction between addict and non addict.
There can be a לשיטתם (written on English, the damn moderator would strike a line thru it) goin' on here, for Dov places emphasis on steps 1-3, while I eschew step 4-7.
I also like to es and chew
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04 Apr 2017 22:04
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GrowStrong
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 20:03:
Another reason why I don't understand the above is because I place little significance I the distinction between addict and non addict.
There can be a לשיטתם (written on English, the damn moderator would strike a line thru it) goin' on here, for Dov places emphasis on steps 1-3, while I eschew step 4-7.
So you are on the 8 step program?
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04 Apr 2017 20:03
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cordnoy
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GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:27:
cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:12:
GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:
Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:
As people (or whatever you call those from countries in the south below the equator, on the (so-called) other side of the world (which I am not even sure really exists)) have been taking my words out of context, or taking context out of my words (which would serve them right), I feel the need to explain myself and to clarify (or not) my position on "blame."
I never said that one has the RIGHT to blame others. What I did say (I think) is that one should not automatically blame himself when there are others who are clearly at fault, or even if it's not so clear, and even if it's only partially their fault. Let us not get caught up in depression. The world can be sick and it is populated by sick people. Our actions perhaps can be justified by looking around us. Heck, it's easier than changing ourselves; isn't it? Why choose a difficult path when the answer is clearly (or not so clearly) in front of us, and it is not a mirror, but rather, it's the other guy/gal/#aborigine (and, yes, I know that I just traveled across the ocean, but seriously, is there a difference between the two? I view those countries as nothing more but a haven for beach volleyball); so, as an option, playing the blame game can work at times, and isn't this site all about games that work (and that can include throne games as well)?
We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ ’
From the paragraphs I skip when reading the Big Book on my calls.
IMHO, it is completely counter productive for recovery.
Are there sick people? Yes.
Are they the cause of our problems? Usually not.
Who is? Us/me.
We don't all have the ability to hold no resentments and to never get hurt by our partners and friends actions.
We need to face the resentments and understand that while the root of the problem is us, and that while the majority of the resentments most likely come from FANCIED wrong-doings, ie that, that is not real, they like us are sick.
THEIR resentments, and inability to forgive or move on, is THEIR side of the street. Its not our side of the street.
"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend."
By skipping out this section - you lose the importance of the fact that first and foremost it is ourselves that we need to show tolerance, pity and patience with. For they are like us. We are all spiritually sick.
The difference? The non- addict remains with the negative emotions and doesn't medicate it away. Or they medicate it, but without a need to increase the dosage or with the ability to stop as they choose.
The addict medicates it.
I will of course be happy to debate you at length on the phone the argument that there are ideas in the big book that are counter productive to recovery.
Another reason why I don't understand the above is because I place little significance I the distinction between addict and non addict.
There can be a לשיטתם (written on English, the damn moderator would strike a line thru it) goin' on here, for Dov places emphasis on steps 1-3, while I eschew step 4-7.
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04 Apr 2017 14:27
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GrowStrong
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:12:
GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:
Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:
As people (or whatever you call those from countries in the south below the equator, on the (so-called) other side of the world (which I am not even sure really exists)) have been taking my words out of context, or taking context out of my words (which would serve them right), I feel the need to explain myself and to clarify (or not) my position on "blame."
I never said that one has the RIGHT to blame others. What I did say (I think) is that one should not automatically blame himself when there are others who are clearly at fault, or even if it's not so clear, and even if it's only partially their fault. Let us not get caught up in depression. The world can be sick and it is populated by sick people. Our actions perhaps can be justified by looking around us. Heck, it's easier than changing ourselves; isn't it? Why choose a difficult path when the answer is clearly (or not so clearly) in front of us, and it is not a mirror, but rather, it's the other guy/gal/#aborigine (and, yes, I know that I just traveled across the ocean, but seriously, is there a difference between the two? I view those countries as nothing more but a haven for beach volleyball); so, as an option, playing the blame game can work at times, and isn't this site all about games that work (and that can include throne games as well)?
We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ ’
From the paragraphs I skip when reading the Big Book on my calls.
IMHO, it is completely counter productive for recovery.
Are there sick people? Yes.
Are they the cause of our problems? Usually not.
Who is? Us/me.
We don't all have the ability to hold no resentments and to never get hurt by our partners and friends actions.
We need to face the resentments and understand that while the root of the problem is us, and that while the majority of the resentments most likely come from FANCIED wrong-doings, ie that, that is not real, they like us are sick.
THEIR resentments, and inability to forgive or move on, is THEIR side of the street. Its not our side of the street.
"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend."
By skipping out this section - you lose the importance of the fact that first and foremost it is ourselves that we need to show tolerance, pity and patience with. For they are like us. We are all spiritually sick.
The difference? The non- addict remains with the negative emotions and doesn't medicate it away. Or they medicate it, but without a need to increase the dosage or with the ability to stop as they choose.
The addict medicates it.
I will of course be happy to debate you at length on the phone the argument that there are ideas in the big book that are counter productive to recovery.
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04 Apr 2017 08:15
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Singularity
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 00:08:
11 to the M and 11 to the P!
11 are the Members of this group, includin' the anonymous Posters (oops, we are all anonymous).
10 are the Peeps it takes to Make this Minyan.
9 are the Months of Pregnancy, forI those women that actually Partake in MikvahI ceremonies (or to those who don't as well).
8 are the days of the week in the Etruscan's Calendar.
7 are the Poles of the Menorah in the Mishkan.
6 is somethin' that us addicts either abstain from, or indulge in, or a combination of the two.
5 are the books in the Potter series, usin' Singularity's logic.
4 is the sound uttered by Pidaini in Piccadilly, as his golf ball went slicin' Past Penelope's Purple and Mango hair.
3 People Make a Mezuman, somethin' that will never happen around now, for there is no food to find.
2 is the Most days in a row I davened Maariv in the Past 11 days.
1 is Hashem
1 is Hashem
1 is Hashem
0 is the amount of times I didn't take a longer look when I should not have, goin' back quite some time.
Yes. one to start a series, and book number 5 cannot even be considered reading material.
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04 Apr 2017 00:08
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cordnoy
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11 to the M and 11 to the P!
11 are the Members of this group, includin' the anonymous Posters (oops, we are all anonymous).
10 are the Peeps it takes to Make this Minyan.
9 are the Months of Pregnancy, forI those women that actually Partake in MikvahI ceremonies (or to those who don't as well).
8 are the days of the week in the Etruscan's Calendar.
7 are the Poles of the Menorah in the Mishkan.
6 is somethin' that us addicts either abstain from, or indulge in, or a combination of the two.
5 are the books in the Potter series, usin' Singularity's logic.
4 is the sound uttered by Pidaini in Piccadilly, as his golf ball went slicin' Past Penelope's Purple and Mango hair.
3 People Make a Mezuman, somethin' that will never happen around now, for there is no food to find.
2 is the Most days in a row I davened Maariv in the Past 11 days.
1 is Hashem
1 is Hashem
1 is Hashem
0 is the amount of times I didn't take a longer look when I should not have, goin' back quite some time.
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03 Apr 2017 23:26
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mikestruggling
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hi today was (and is) a huge struggle
went out to the doctor magazines etc. also i'm having withdrawal a little stressed at home (i'm by my in laws)
i had to repeat to myself in my mind that the way out of my anxiety is by dealing with my addiction it helped
we're still truckin' bh:grinning:
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03 Apr 2017 23:05
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ngc51853
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first of all - this whole "feel free not to read this" thing is mine (at least in this thread) - back off bro 
you written that you've tried fasting, learning, tzedaka, and filters. Three out of the four rarely if ever are mentioned here on this shimras habits site, and the fourth one has a lot of caveats"
^not quite sure what that mean...
my user name has absolutely no significance. it was a alphanumeric sequence that was relevant to something i was doing at some point and it was obscure enough to use for something as anonymous as this. at the time i was making my account, i had bigger problems to worry about than coming up with a clever or cure username.
and the whole yelling thing goes back to people always calling me out as a kofer, apikores, addict, lost cause, etc etc etc (good times) without actually stopping to listen to my radically non-yeshivish but highly orthodox and intellectual philosophy. so youll forgive me for not caring about peoples' yells.
furthermore - in response to your quasi-yell of marriage didnt solve my problems - i know marriage is not some magic event that will suddenly cast me into a world of unicorns and cotton candy - but marriage does change the playing field- drastically. mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and any only "ally" you can think of. my point is im not surviving in this current arena and need a change of scenario. not to transform my world into a perfect one, but to transform my world in to one where I have a better chance of perfecting myself.
and thank you for your input. no - really. random people giving me advice is what got me this far in life... well bad example... but thanks none the less.
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03 Apr 2017 15:20
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LifneiHashem
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cordnoy wrote on 03 Apr 2017 14:11:
LifneiHashem wrote on 03 Apr 2017 13:28:
I get what you are saying about viewing everything as a "test" and a means to "getting to the next level."
Would you agree that it's a good thing, ego aside, to train oneself to view life in terms of seeing Hashem's providence as much as possible? That instead of viewing things as coincidence or "the way it is", it's admirable to try to find hashgocha pratis in day to day life?
I'm a lust addict, not a mashgiach.
Ask someone qualified.
Ouch, your biting comments are fun until it's me in the crosshairs. 
i was doing poor job of making the point which Shlomo just stated so eloquently.
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03 Apr 2017 14:11
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cordnoy
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LifneiHashem wrote on 03 Apr 2017 13:28:
I get what you are saying about viewing everything as a "test" and a means to "getting to the next level."
Would you agree that it's a good thing, ego aside, to train oneself to view life in terms of seeing Hashem's providence as much as possible? That instead of viewing things as coincidence or "the way it is", it's admirable to try to find hashgocha pratis in day to day life?
I'm a lust addict, not a mashgiach.
Ask someone qualified.
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03 Apr 2017 11:56
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Singularity
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Ihavenostrength wrote on 02 Apr 2017 18:55:
Day 51: )"A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems.
Ten points if you can tell me what's wrong with this sentence. Hint: I put it in italics.
Suggestion: Subsitute find themselves with "are".
spoilers much?
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