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16 Jun 2017 13:38
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MayanHamisgaber
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I have not gone to SA
I have not read the books
But what I understand from some of the fellows here and a few calls:
One who is "normal" can freely enjoy and "use" the "mutur" outlets
However one who is addicted has abused what he has and must go to an extreme to "fix" himself
This concept is found in the Rambam hilchos middos....
Just my $0.02
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16 Jun 2017 13:15
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cordnoy
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Although what gevura writes is נכרים דברי אמת, I do hear a flip side that if one is seriously workin' a program from within and that is his hishtadlus (and it is an effective one), a filter may be counterproductive.
Again, not always.
Again, not for all people.
Again, I'm not advisin' or suggestin'.
But for some, not havin' a filter might not be regarded as bein' "irresponsible."
This (like many things I write) might simply be the words of a manipulative, self-centered, egotistical, lust addict (and one with a bias).
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16 Jun 2017 12:55
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Day #12
B"H I passed Day #11, and Today is Day #12, & Porn-clean Day #71 What an exciting day, it’s Todaynumber #12, I’m very grateful and thankful to Hashem because he is always on my side, he loves me, even I don’t see it, but I believe it, and every Nisoyion, is just another test, he wants to test me how far I will go out of my way for him, and even I might fall, which I hope not, I’m still his child, and he still loves me, and im not a fool or a loser, so, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I am powerless on my addiction, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.
I had a clean and successful day yesterday, and we are at the weekend again, today is Friday, im scared from it, I beg you hashem, please don’t let me fall, especially with my lusting problem, BH and thank you Hashem for helping me until here, Thank You Hashem, for all the goods you are giving me, I’m really thankful, Thank You all GYE Chaveirim, and thanks to my Partner, for my new life… Thank You
Today is Day #12, and Today only, I really want to stay clean, and I will stay clean for the rest of my life, I realized that I’m Powerless, I can’t help myself by myself, I need upper power, assistance and guidance, the Today is not long at all, it’s a matter of just a few hours, I won’t mess up the few moments left in Today, and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me, my partner, all GYE members and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean! Yes! We can! Together!
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16 Jun 2017 12:40
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cordnoy
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I wanted to dismiss what Mr. Workin'myprogram said, but there is merit there. There might be a difference between ordinary fellows and those of us who are beyond the norm (a.k.a. split the damn site already!), but regardless.....
I'd like to ask that we forget for a moment all this fancy mumbo jumbo philosophy and talk practical: I walk down the street, my eyes wander, I see nice cleavage, enticin' hips, loooooing shapely legs, and I lust (ha) after her/them, and I think: if only we can both....etc. So, you tell me to channel that lust towards my wife, for we have a kosher outlet. Ok. Please tell me the next steps after I walk in the door of the house. Explain please the "channelin'" process.
[Ed. Note: I might have a way with words (I certainly don't have a way with women), but, at this point, I am askin', not arguin'. Thank you.]
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16 Jun 2017 12:29
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GrowStrong
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workingmyprogram wrote on 16 Jun 2017 05:36:
GrowStrong wrote on 15 Jun 2017 06:39:
workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
The Hebrew SA call it Ta'ava.
Does that make more sense for you?
Can you see the difference between having a loving relationship with your wife that revolves around giving whatever it is she needs to her vs fulfilling your taavos with her?
I could be wrong, but I remember hearing a gemorrah that said that having sex without taiva for your wife is a bad thing. Also, it's not black and white. You can have sex to both give her what she needs as well as to fulfill a normal need of your own. It's a waste of time and energy to believe that the sexual drive is bad, and then spend time repressing and fighting it, even though I know this is what SA preaches (I've had over 11 years of experience with that group). The idea that we have to wage war on "lust" is rooted in non Jewish and shameful interpretation for what the sexual drive is. You see, historically, non Jews have always viewed natural human urges as evil, and therefore the only solution is to repress them, fight them, whatever. That's why historically their holy men don't get married, don't drink alcohol, etc... Jews take a much different approach. We believe that instinctual drives can be used for the good, and our job is to learn how to do that. We make a bracha on wine. We make a bracha on food. It's a mitzvah to have sex. Rather than fighting our urges, we give them holy outlets. The sex drive is no more shameful than the drive to eat or sleep, but its our past abuse of sexual pleasure that makes us believe that so called "lust" is the problem when it really isn't, rather it was how we used "lust" (I hate that word). SA is a good program but I think that their misguided assault on the sex drive, or what they term "lust", is unhealthy and not Jewish. It's like if OA would wage a war on hunger. Hunger is not a bad thing, it's a good thing, without it we wouldn't eat. So too with sexual desire, it's a good thing (nobody would procreate without it according to the Gemorrah), now just learn how to channel it into what's permitted. So, yes, it's possible to enjoy the feeling of sexual pleasure and at the same time try and give pleasure to your wife.
Where in SA does it say you are not meant to have sex with your wife without desire for her? Or that you are not supposed to enjoy it and enjoy the sexuality of it?
Thats not the SA i know.
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16 Jun 2017 12:08
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cordnoy
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Jun 2017 11:18:
Its wonderful that there are people who have built up the self control to be clean even when they dont have a filter. It is also a fact that a filter is not foolproof. But it is also a fact that all gedolei yisroel have insisted we put in the strongest filters possible, and the G-d that you write we should rely on, wants us to listen to their instructions.
The gedolei yisroel have insisted on filters as a preventive measure for the populace. They have not instructed people how to recover from this addiction (of sorts).
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16 Jun 2017 11:47
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Bigmoish
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workingmyprogram wrote on 16 Jun 2017 05:36:
GrowStrong wrote on 15 Jun 2017 06:39:
workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
The Hebrew SA call it Ta'ava.
Does that make more sense for you?
Can you see the difference between having a loving relationship with your wife that revolves around giving whatever it is she needs to her vs fulfilling your taavos with her?
I could be wrong, but I remember hearing a gemorrah that said that having sex without taiva for your wife is a bad thing. Also, it's not black and white. You can have sex to both give her what she needs as well as to fulfill a normal need of your own. It's a waste of time and energy to believe that the sexual drive is bad, and then spend time repressing and fighting it, even though I know this is what SA preaches (I've had over 11 years of experience with that group). The idea that we have to wage war on "lust" is rooted in non Jewish and shameful interpretation for what the sexual drive is. You see, historically, non Jews have always viewed natural human urges as evil, and therefore the only solution is to repress them, fight them, whatever. That's why historically their holy men don't get married, don't drink alcohol, etc... Jews take a much different approach. We believe that instinctual drives can be used for the good, and our job is to learn how to do that. We make a bracha on wine. We make a bracha on food. It's a mitzvah to have sex. Rather than fighting our urges, we give them holy outlets. The sex drive is no more shameful than the drive to eat or sleep, but its our past abuse of sexual pleasure that makes us believe that so called "lust" is the problem when it really isn't, rather it was how we used "lust" (I hate that word). SA is a good program but I think that their misguided assault on the sex drive, or what they term "lust", is unhealthy and not Jewish. It's like if OA would wage a war on hunger. Hunger is not a bad thing, it's a good thing, without it we wouldn't eat. So too with sexual desire, it's a good thing (nobody would procreate without it according to the Gemorrah), now just learn how to channel it into what's permitted. So, yes, it's possible to enjoy the feeling of sexual pleasure and at the same time try and give pleasure to your wife.
Chazal made takanos to ensure that talmidei chachamim are not like "chickens" who are having relations too often. Wouldnt such takanos be inappropriate according to your reasoning?
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16 Jun 2017 06:18
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bear
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HayomYom wrote on 22 Dec 2016 15:11:
Welcome,
Your 'topic' sounds scary. But as the great R' Nachman says:
אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל, תאמין שיכולים לתקן
Hatzlacha
GrowStrong wrote on 08 Jan 2017 21:54:
Just watched this shuir from Rabbi YY Jacobson which is mind blowing!
I didnt realize until the end but the whole shuir is so relevant to addicts, especially the summation - I have to go re-hear it again now.
The Guard might consider uploading this to the safe video site.
https://youtu.be/YCBzpDqU0c8I liked the shiur very much...and his delivery is very entertaining as well.
Thank you for posting this and letting me (and others) know.
Now enjoy this, from Yeshivas Ateres Shimon (someone here said to sign up for their email list):
"And Yakov Avinu sees the wagons that Yosef sent for him, and Yakov's spirits were lifted from this".
Zakt R' Levi of Berditchev, wagons, "Agalim", come from the lashon of "Igul", a circle.
The wheels of a wagon are what make the wagon go. The wheel was the point of inspiration
that Yosef sought to teach his father. Father, life is a "Galgal hachozer",
it's a wheel that goes around and around. Sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down.
Over the last 22 years you have been down, father because we have been separated.
But the wheel is about to turn. The tables are about to turn.
Life is about to change and things are going to be better.
This should serve as tremendous chizuk for each and every one of us.
Life never remains at the bottom of the wheel. Things always change.
In fact, the Sfas Emes says , "Elokeicha" with a hey, is gematria "galgal".
When it seems like Hashem is administering Midas haDin,
always remember that life is a wheel that goes round and round.
AvigdorBenYisroel wrote on 09 Jan 2017 23:47:
Topic: Bechira Mitzvos
"Rava said to his talmidim, I beg of you, don't lose both worlds!" One can lose his entire olam hazeh, killing himself for the torah... but if he does mitzvos without thinking, Rava is telling us, he lost his olam haba as well. It can't be helped, to get olam haba we have to internalize the mitzvos, we must do them with our whole heart and soul, otherwise... lose both worlds!
V'yasem mbelibeinu ahavaso v'yiraso, v'laasos retzono ul'uvdo b'levav shalem!, why? "Lemaan lo niga lorik"! Otherwise it's all wasted! So the tip is:
THINK! when you do a mitzva!
AvigdorBenYisroel wrote on 12 Jan 2017 00:45:
Topic:Teshuva
The way to do teshuva is not to expect a complete change overnight. Malachim fly, but when they were teaching Yaakov, a human, to ascend to heaven, they showed him that he must ascend a ladder, slowly, step by step.
If someone smokes twenty cigarettes each Shabbos, and one week he smokes only nineteen, make no mistake about it, it's a very big deal! The fact that he gave up the twentieth is a great accomplishment.
Of course, he'll still get punished for the first nineteen, no question. But not smoking the twentieth is still a great accomplishment!
One shoud never think it's all or nothing.
One step, another step and another step, and little by little before you know it, you've ascended the ladder to perfection!
AvigdorBenYisroel wrote on 23 Jan 2017 18:11:
Topic: Positive Thinking
Think good thoughts! Most of your troubles are of your own making [your biggest enemy is your mouth by the way, but that's a topic for some other time]. Say a man is walking on the street and his mind is working overtime, he's thinking "last wednesday my wife didn't say hello when I walked in, what a chutzpa of her"! and he continues thinking about it until he gets sick he gets an ulcer or he gets diabetes. I knew a man who had a fight with his wife and he dropped dead of a heart attack in middle of the fight. People get so worked up over minor things, and for no reason other than thinking.
If the same man would forget about getting a warm smile from his wife, and instead he's walking on the street thinking gratitude. "Baruch Hashem I have a wife, baruch Hashem I have a family"
Oh does his life look different!
He's a happy personality.
Kleen4real wrote on 26 Apr 2017 02:42:
I heard today a nice vort today from R' Fischel Schachter Shlita what he repeated from the Sfas Emes on this week's Parsha.
Here is the text from the Sfas Emes and to see the full Video its here on Torah Anytime Starting at minute 26:55.
Link to download video
תרמ"א ב"ה פ' תזריע מצורע במד' אחור וקדם כו' זכה א"ל אתה קדמת לא זכה א"ל יתוש קדמך. פי' כי הוא הפלא באדם שכולל נשמת אלקי בגשמיות הגוף כמ"ש הרמ"א בא"ח סי' ו' פי' ומפליא לעשות שקשר הנשמה הרוחניות במעשה גשמיי. וע"ז נאמר עושה נפלאות. ובבחי' הנשמה קדם אדם לכל מ"ב כמ"ש חז"ל בראשית בשביל ישראל שנק' ראשית. ורוח אלקים מרחפת דרשו על מלך המשיח שהוא הנשמה כללית של בנ"י. ולכן כפי הזדככות החומר לבטלו אל הנשמה שתהי' הנשמה מאירה בגוף. אז א"ל אתה קדמת כו'. ואם ח"ו להיפוך נקרא רק ע"ש הגוף. והגוף של האדם למטה מכולם. והטעם מאחר שהאדם הוא הכלי שיעלו כל הברואים על ידו לכן הוכרח להיות נכלל מכל מיני חומריות שבעולם. ולא עוד שהאדם א"י לתקן עצמו בשלימות עד שיתקן מקודם כל החומריים התלוים בו. והכל כדי שיהי' מוכרח האדם לתקנם. לכן גם בכלל לא יכלו בנ"י לתקן עצמם בשלימות עד לעתיד שיהיו מתוקנים כל הברואים בכח בנ"י. וזה ענין אמרם אף תורתו נתפרשה אחר תורת בהמה כו'. וכמ"ש במ"א מזה. וגם קילוסו אחר קילוס כל הבריאה. פי' שהאדם הוא המברר כבוד שמו ית' בעולם. והוא צריך לעורר כל הבריאה. וע"ז נאמר ע"ז יצרתי לי שהם עיקר הצורה להעולם. תהלתי הוא כלל הבריאה כמ"ש ולכבודי בראתיו וזה הם מבררים. וז"ש תהלתי יספרו. ואמת כי אין להשיג גדולת הבורא ית' כמ"ש לגדולתו אין חקר. רק כפי מה שמבררין כבודו ית' הנמצא בכלל הבריאה של מעשה בראשית כך זוכין אח"כ להשיג גם מה שלמעלה. וז"ש קילוסו עולה באחרונה. וזה ענין ב' הברכות של קודם ק"ש. על מ"ב ועל קדושת התורה שניתן רק לבנ"י כמ"ש במ"א באורך. וב' מיני התחדשות אלו מתחדשין בכל יום כמ"ש מחדש בטובו כו' ובנ"י צריכין לברר זאת בכל יום: במד' ע"פ ונתתי נגע צרעת כו' ע"פ מ"ש אך טוב כו' אלקים לברי לבב כו'. הענין הוא שהוא הבטחה גדולה לאותן שרוצין לברר לבבם אליו ית' והקב"ה חפץ לטהר אותם ולא אותם בלבד רק גם מקומות מושבותיהם כדי שיהיו טהורים כדאיתא בזוה"ק שבבית שהי' בו טומאת סט"א בא בו הנגע ע"ש. לכן זה רק לבנ"י שנק' אדם. ועל הרשעים נאמר עם אדם לא ינוגעו כו' לכן ענקתמו גאוה. פי' לא זאת שהם בעני גאוה רק עוד מתפארים בגבהות שלהם. כי טח עיניהם מראות השלימות האמיתית. כמ"ש יצא מחלב עינימו כמ"ש השוחד יעור כו'. אבל אותן הצדיקים שמשתוקקים להיות ברי לבב שמחים ביסורים כדי לבוא אל הענוה. כי בודאי אין הענוה ביד האדם להיות עניו. הרי מצינו אחר כל טהרת המצורע עץ ארז ואזוב כ' רש"י שישפיל עצמו ויתכפר לו כו'. א"כ מיד ישפיל עצמו. ולמה לו כל אלה העבודות. רק שא"י לזכות לענוה. ובאה מטהרת הלב. ולאשר בנ"י רוצין באמת להבטל רק אליו ית' כמ"ש מי לי בשמים ועמך לא חפצתי כו'. לכן הש"י הודיע להם הדרכים להשיג הטהרה והביטול אליו ית'. ואיתא כי ע"י הנגעים הרויחו המטמוניות כו'. הענין הוא כמ"ש מה רב טובך אשר צפנת כו'. ועיקר הגניזה והטמנה היא בדבר ההיפוך. לכן ע"י בירורים של עוה"ז זוכין לטוב הגנוז. וכמ"ש לעיל שע"י תורת בהמה באין אח"כ לתורת האדם. וכן הוא בתיקון המידות שע"ז ניתקן ימי הספירה לברר המידות להטותם אל הש"י עי"ז זוכין להדעת. אם כי הדעת למעלה מהמידות. ועיקר הטהרה צריך להיות במידות שהם נטבעין בגוף ונפש. אבל הדעת והשכל א"צ כ"כ בירור. עכ"ז אין זוכין להדעת רק ע"י בירור המידות כנ"ל. כי הוא ק"ו ממידות הרשעים. שע"י המידות רעות ומעשים רעים שלהם מאבדין הדעת כמ"ש יצא מחלב עינימו עברו משכיות לבב. מכ"ש מדה טובה מרובה ע"י תיקון המידות ומעשים זוכין לחכמה ודעת. ולכן כל הסתרות שיש לכל עובד ה'. הם יסורין של אהבה למצוא המטמוניות. וע"ז כ' אם תבקשנה ככסף וכמטמונים תחפשנה אז תבין יראת ה' כו'. עכ"ז זה הדרך נעשה ע"י החטאים הקודמים. דהנה הפסוק תולה הנגעים בעור. ע"פ מ"ש ויעש ה"א לאדם כו' כתנות עור. ובמד' כתנות אור כו'. כידוע שע"י החטא הוצרך להתלבש בלבוש הגס משכא דחוויא. שמשם יש כל הגשמיות. שמקודם הי' רוחני כמ"ש לעתיד. וכמו שהיו בנ"י מוכנים להיות במתן תורה. ולכן במרע"ה כ' קרן עור פניו. שתיקן כל זה העור. עד שהאיר באספקלריא המאירה. ואנחנו לא נשארנו בזו המדרגה. לכן חזרו הנגעים כמ"ש במד' שע"י החטא חזרו למומים ע"ש. וידוע ג"כ שיש בעור נקבים נקבים להודיע שיש ביכולת האור להעביר קליפות הללו. רק ע"י החטאים מסתתמין אותן הנקבים והחושך יכסה ארץ. וזה נגע צרעת סגירו. ולכן ניתן הטהרה לאהרן הכהן ובניו שהוא הי' המתקן חטא העגל כנ"ל: בפסוק והזרתם את בנ"י מטומאתם. הוא ג"כ לשון נזר ועטרה. כי כשזוכין בנ"י לפרוש מן הטומאה בהיותם בעוה"ז תוך הטומאות הוא שבח גדול להם. לכן כ' ישראל אשר בך אתפאר. הגם כי כמה שרפים עומדים ממעל לו: I heard a nice Word from ר' חיים וולאזשינער which might be a chizuk for all of us, so i figured ill share it.
tthere was a מלך who owned a huge vault of tons of gold, silver, diamonds and what not, but the vault was a total mess, so he asked one of his employees if he would like to be in charge, and clean up the mess, put everything in place, have an inventory count of everything, and besides being paid a nice salary he can take home what ever he wants, so the employee replied that he has to think it over, because its a very hard work, a lot of hours, and many more lazy answers, so ר' חיים asked, could that be more a חסר דעת of such a guy?
the נמשל is, that hashem told us, that to fight נסיונות is treasures, thats what he wants from us, and for every fight and win in our strugle is not only we get paid for the win, we get paid for the fight too, so could that be, more חסר דעת not to fight our struggle? its a double win..
Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 26 Apr 2017 02:56:
I just learned a nice word on the parshe, from ר׳ לייבעלע אייגער, the medresh says, there was a perfume street pedlar who was announcing in the streets, "who want to buy medicine which guarantees life" "who want to buy medicine which guarantees life" so R' Yane came out, that he want to buy, so the pedler told him that's not made for him, he took out the תהילים and showed him "מי האיש החפץ חיים, נצור לשונך מרע ושפתיך מדבר מרמה, סור מרע ועשה טוב.
What did this pedler sell, he was selling perfume, a רוכל is selling perfume, what is the signs of a good food and of a rotten food? the smell, good food smells good, and rotten food smells bad, so when someone is spoiling his דיבור and his ברית he gets a bed smell, because his חיות is getting cut off, if someone is not watching on his speech, he is disconnecting him self from his חיות the תרגום says on לנפש חיה - לרוח ממללא and if someone is not watching on his קדושת הברית he is also disconnecting him self from life, as known that הוצאת זרע comes from all parts of the body.
and that's what the רוכל was selling, who wants to get perfume, which shows sign of life, a good smell? נצור לשונך מרע, watch on your speech, סור מרע ועשה טוב watch on your קדושת הברית, the you will have a life, a good smell.
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16 Jun 2017 05:36
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workingmyprogram
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GrowStrong wrote on 15 Jun 2017 06:39:
workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
The Hebrew SA call it Ta'ava.
Does that make more sense for you?
Can you see the difference between having a loving relationship with your wife that revolves around giving whatever it is she needs to her vs fulfilling your taavos with her?
I could be wrong, but I remember hearing a gemorrah that said that having sex without taiva for your wife is a bad thing. Also, it's not black and white. You can have sex to both give her what she needs as well as to fulfill a normal need of your own. It's a waste of time and energy to believe that the sexual drive is bad, and then spend time repressing and fighting it, even though I know this is what SA preaches (I've had over 11 years of experience with that group). The idea that we have to wage war on "lust" is rooted in non Jewish and shameful interpretation for what the sexual drive is. You see, historically, non Jews have always viewed natural human urges as evil, and therefore the only solution is to repress them, fight them, whatever. That's why historically their holy men don't get married, don't drink alcohol, etc... Jews take a much different approach. We believe that instinctual drives can be used for the good, and our job is to learn how to do that. We make a bracha on wine. We make a bracha on food. It's a mitzvah to have sex. Rather than fighting our urges, we give them holy outlets. The sex drive is no more shameful than the drive to eat or sleep, but its our past abuse of sexual pleasure that makes us believe that so called "lust" is the problem when it really isn't, rather it was how we used "lust" (I hate that word). SA is a good program but I think that their misguided assault on the sex drive, or what they term "lust", is unhealthy and not Jewish. It's like if OA would wage a war on hunger. Hunger is not a bad thing, it's a good thing, without it we wouldn't eat. So too with sexual desire, it's a good thing (nobody would procreate without it according to the Gemorrah), now just learn how to channel it into what's permitted. So, yes, it's possible to enjoy the feeling of sexual pleasure and at the same time try and give pleasure to your wife.
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16 Jun 2017 02:18
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Markz
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WorkInProgress26 wrote on 16 Jun 2017 00:55:
wow, ok - here i am almost a year later...
a roller coaster ride like im sure we all now...
one month clean, fall, a hellish yomim noroim, a winter mixed w highs and lows.
falling in and out of society, pretending everythings goin gr8 to the world while inside ur questioning ur sanity...
hating urself, hating urself for hating urself, mad at hashem (the ssa makes everything all the more loaded)
i became pretty good at balancing my two extremely different lives (frum solid gr8 top well rounded successful (!! ironically enough...) yeshiva guy by day and endless chatting, camming, porn and masturbating by night)
i stopped caring. honestly. life became to complicated to deal w and i just did whatever was expected of me and asap returned online.
im not really sure what happened now bc i was seriously contemplating going further down this path (vhmayvin yavin) and now im finding myself 2 days clean!
tbh i still have internet addiction bc thats how im dealing w my matzav now (i know its wrong and im starting to work on it too among other improvements i made in my life this week) but i didnt chat cam watch porn or masterbate - which i tried to do for a while but never materialized and im utilizing this opportunity to "Stop Stopping and Start Living" (i love that line!;-)
i started a 90 day chart and i hope that i have the koach to keep this up.
being that ive been thru all this already i am slightly nervous to begin posting again bc i know i can fall so bad so fast - especially bc i do need to fix up other things in my life- and i might feel worse for going "public"...
either way - theres plenty of more work to be done and im looking forward to doing it but while the first day was easy the 2nd was tougher and today im feeling strong lustful moments of just needing a peek, rationalizing that i can always start tomorrow over again or that looking isnt so bad if i make sure to keep my hands away etc... baruch hashem so far im able to let the emotions pass but honestly its a lot harder than i expected. its so ingrained in my system after this year... hopefully posting will help me...
Hey bro
Its not "Stop stopping Start he Rollercoasting"
"Start living" - criteria #1 is bonding with others (See an astounding rambam avos 2:11)
[now it's 1/2 later after walk with the wife and back to typing]
Connecting with others for me is to a large extent by word of the text. I don't believe that's the way for most others
Reach out like the gye mascot does and connect with other people off the forum
Or maybe he's reaching out to post on gye with a cellphone????
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16 Jun 2017 01:24
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Hashem Help Me
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WorkInProgress26 wrote on 16 Jun 2017 00:55:
wow, ok - here i am almost a year later...
a roller coaster ride like im sure we all now...
one month clean, fall, a hellish yomim noroim, a winter mixed w highs and lows.
falling in and out of society, pretending everythings goin gr8 to the world while inside ur questioning ur sanity...
hating urself, hating urself for hating urself, mad at hashem (the ssa makes everything all the more loaded)
i became pretty good at balancing my two extremely different lives (frum solid gr8 top well rounded successful (!! ironically enough...) yeshiva guy by day and endless chatting, camming, porn and masturbating by night)
i stopped caring. honestly. life became to complicated to deal w and i just did whatever was expected of me and asap returned online.
im not really sure what happened now bc i was seriously contemplating going further down this path (vhmayvin yavin) and now im finding myself 2 days clean!
tbh i still have internet addiction bc thats how im dealing w my matzav now (i know its wrong and im starting to work on it too among other improvements i made in my life this week) but i didnt chat cam watch porn or masterbate - which i tried to do for a while but never materialized and im utilizing this opportunity to "Stop Stopping and Start Living" (i love that line!;-)
i started a 90 day chart and i hope that i have the koach to keep this up.
being that ive been thru all this already i am slightly nervous to begin posting again bc i know i can fall so bad so fast - especially bc i do need to fix up other things in my life- and i might feel worse for going "public"...
either way - theres plenty of more work to be done and im looking forward to doing it but while the first day was easy the 2nd was tougher and today im feeling strong lustful moments of just needing a peek, rationalizing that i can always start tomorrow over again or that looking isnt so bad if i make sure to keep my hands away etc... baruch hashem so far im able to let the emotions pass but honestly its a lot harder than i expected. its so ingrained in my system after this year... hopefully posting will help me...
Stay connected and keep posting. The oilam here is going to shlep you out of this mess. When you have the urge, post! Hatzlocha.
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16 Jun 2017 00:55
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WorkInProgress26
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wow, ok - here i am almost a year later...
a roller coaster ride like im sure we all now...
one month clean, fall, a hellish yomim noroim, a winter mixed w highs and lows.
falling in and out of society, pretending everythings goin gr8 to the world while inside ur questioning ur sanity...
hating urself, hating urself for hating urself, mad at hashem (the ssa makes everything all the more loaded)
i became pretty good at balancing my two extremely different lives (frum solid gr8 top well rounded successful (!! ironically enough...) yeshiva guy by day and endless chatting, camming, porn and masturbating by night)
i stopped caring. honestly. life became to complicated to deal w and i just did whatever was expected of me and asap returned online.
im not really sure what happened now bc i was seriously contemplating going further down this path (vhmayvin yavin) and now im finding myself 2 days clean!
tbh i still have internet addiction bc thats how im dealing w my matzav now (i know its wrong and im starting to work on it too among other improvements i made in my life this week) but i didnt chat cam watch porn or masterbate - which i tried to do for a while but never materialized and im utilizing this opportunity to "Stop Stopping and Start Living" (i love that line!;-)
i started a 90 day chart and i hope that i have the koach to keep this up.
being that ive been thru all this already i am slightly nervous to begin posting again bc i know i can fall so bad so fast - especially bc i do need to fix up other things in my life- and i might feel worse for going "public"...
either way - theres plenty of more work to be done and im looking forward to doing it but while the first day was easy the 2nd was tougher and today im feeling strong lustful moments of just needing a peek, rationalizing that i can always start tomorrow over again or that looking isnt so bad if i make sure to keep my hands away etc... baruch hashem so far im able to let the emotions pass but honestly its a lot harder than i expected. its so ingrained in my system after this year... hopefully posting will help me...
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15 Jun 2017 23:51
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dms1234
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I was walking back from mincha today when i realized i was in a VERY bad place. I have been escaping for the past few days. I have this project to do and other tasks and i havent been doing them. Worst off is i havent done real inventories on why i dont want to do them. So i was wasting a lot of time watching mainly sports highlights. And when i escape and i dont make an inventory then i could quickly turn to lust and lust is poison for me.
So today i took certain actions of lust. You know i didnt search up a porn site but i clicked on a video which had a girl in a bikini and i searched up some sites which probably would have women swimming. Then as i was walking home from mincha I started fantasizing. Fantasy is a bad, bad place for me. I used to fantasize and then masturbate. The 1 2 punch. I fantasised of a women running and then we having sex. Thats when i realized I was in a bad place. So I called other addicts, i wrote an inventory, wrote a gratitude list, reached out to someone that may need help.
Thank God, I feel better. I would like to say i moved forward on the project. I haven't but i am in a much better place. Please God, Please show me what you want for me. Your will, not mine be done.
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15 Jun 2017 23:10
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dms1234
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I'm confused. So after 3 months you can just watch porn and do all that stuff again? Its just a brief 3 month hiatus. Thats the goal??
I want to quit forever but i cant. Thats way too long but I want to quit for today. All I can concentrate is today. On being sober today. Today I make a decision to be sober today: to call other addicts, to call my sponsor, to work the steps and I hopefully God will give me the gift of sobriety.
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15 Jun 2017 18:12
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Day #11
B"H I passed Day #10, and Today is Day #11.
I’m very thankful that Today is called number #11, I’m very grateful and thankful to Hashem because he is always on my side, he loves me, even I don’t see it, but I believe it, and every Nisoyion, is just another test, he wants to test me how far I will go out of my way for him, and even I might fall, which I hope not, I’m still his child, and he still loves me, and im not a fool or a loser, so, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I am powerless on my addiction, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.
I had a clean and successful day yesterday, I was passing Manhattan on Canal Street today, ou, it was hard not to look around, but I passed clean, I’m actually clean of porn 70 days, I’m so excited and delightful about it, I never thought I’ll be able to detach myself from it, BH and thank you Hashem. and I’m very very proud of that, Thank You Hashem, for all the goods you are giving me, I’m really thankful, especially with my lusting problem, I beg you hashem, please don’t let me fall, Thank You all GYE Chaveirim, and thanks to my Partner, for my new life… Thank You
Today is Day #11, and Today only, I really want to stay clean, and I will stay clean for the rest of my life, I realized that I’m Powerless, I can’t help myself by myself, I need upper power, assistance and guidance, the Today is not long at all, it’s a matter of just a few hours, I won’t mess up the few moments left in Today, and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me, my partner, all GYE members and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean! Yes! We can! Together!
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