cordnoy wrote on 28 Jun 2017 12:17:

Please listen well sheleg. Life is serious. Who understands the struggle and what works better than the guys here. You are really going to leave? I understand your frustration. 
HOWEVER - Are you happy with your lust-filled pathetic life?  We haven't been and that's why we are here trying our best to live a meaningful existence one day at a time.  

Here -once you hold your tongue and open your ears to others you can learn the ways of sobriety that work for you.
         - you have a chevra who gets you and will support you on your down days and celebrate with                      you on your successes

Here you have a real true shot of being sober

That's the pay off of being in GYE.

I believe that I am not being overly dramatic to say that the choice of: Hachaim v'hamaves is staring at you now.
Suck it up, take the high road and join the club. In time we will all laugh together about these past posts and you will be living a cleaner and more wholesome life than you ever dreamed of.
Please take my outstretched hand and stay.

sheleg wrote on 28 Jun 2017 04:49:

Leavin' would be a shame.

Recovery is a "bear" for all.

My suggestion would be to start off with more askin' and wonderin', rather than unequivocally statin', especially when there seems to be a lack of experience.

Either way, I wish you the utmost hatzlachah.

sheleg wrote on 28 Jun 2017 04:49:

Funny - I spoke a little tough and you shared some good news - I'm happy to hear!
Is that the only language you understand?

please keep sharing your recovery story

Thanks for clarifying, 
u were clear the first time around by writing "that can backfire and bring new habits/addictions" and I understood that from u.

lgufoy shel inyan, sadly enough I lost my guilt for mz"l b/c in the past my guilt only worsened my matzav so what I wrote after m** I stop right away it's b/c when i have the urge to watch utube videos/movies it's stimulated by lust from my mind or what i saw on the street, now when i m*** the lust came to express in its fullest and for the next few minutes/hours its gone,(to the extent that since I know this I tell myself while viewing p** that i will finish the p** clip even after m*** and bh i never was successful), when i come back to view more it's b/c I already started viewing p** and I'm in that state attached to it (wouldn't say, i like it) but if when i see that I'm starting to watch video clips it's clear to me that I'll eventually m** so I asked maybe I should just m** in the start of it
so here are more details to my above dillema and u definitely have a valid point for not bringing upon myself new challenges 
@ hashem help me,  ur right I should console with an expert in this field, however ain chochom kbaal hanisayon.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 27 Jun 2017 22:19:

HHM, I was trying to get your message across, that the end doesn't necessarily justify the means. That said, I was clarifying what I did. Not sure why it's difficult for me to put this in words, but I'll try again. Among my forbidden behaviors was checking out every women I saw, porn, masturbation, etc. Mz"l is a very serious sin, I felt guilty about that & also about everything else that I mentioned, but not nearly as guilty as I felt about mz"l. Being that I was "so involved" in those עברות, I decided - knowing myself as I do - that if I would try to stop everything at once, it would be too overwhelming and I would end up right back where I started. So all I committed to was what I felt the worst about, mz"l. Everything else was specifically not committed to so that I wouldn't start stressing out about that. After about 45 days, I was looking at porn more than when I had started this commitment. It's possible that this was because I gave myself a heter, because I wasn't working on that. It's also entirely possible that I would have viewed the same amount of porn had I not been committed to not be mz"l. So I can't necessarily blame the porn & the fact that I went to video chats (when I had never done so before) on my commitment. In either case, at around 45 days, I realized what was happening, that porn was becoming too much of a permitted thing, so I'd need to curb that as well. Over the next 45 days, I took on multiple "I'll try not to" commitments, until day 90, when I decided that it was time to guard my eyes, not only from porn, but from all females, among other commitments. I honestly believe that if I would have committed to all of that on day 1, I would have failed miserably. So in retrospect, if I was dealing with a similar situation, I'd probably use the same approach - Not to bite off more than I could chew.
Besides that, my message to Michael was that I believe adding new challenges that don't already exist would not be a good idea. Too zonked to continue this tonight.....

My addiction level is clean for the last two days.

you don't have to shut me down .
I am leaving gye.

i am not appreciated here 
And that makes me uncomfortable.

I am not a troll and I don't want to be treated as one. 

From a secular point of view i Understand why a lust addict shouldn't get married till he recovers.
But the issue seems different from a spiritual point of view.
I think the wedding canopy itself strengthens the groom and gives him more powers to overpower his yitzro.
First of all we know that a groom is forgiven for all his sins under the chupa and it's much easier to break the klipos (shells) of impurity when one is free of sin.
 the bride circles the groom under the wedding canopy for symbolically she is protecting him from the forbidden.
So in a sense the groom sanctifies the bride with a wedding ring and in turn the bride sanctifies him with her presence.

And I don't think this thread is important

Taking other members here for a joyful ride is NOT appreciated
if I'm misreading you I offer my sincere apologies

I'm not a moderator, but if you cannot share sensibly what your addiction level was today, and what - if any recovery steps were taken, I will shut down this thread of yours here

We have a deal?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 28 Jun 2017 02:54:

Thank you for your support,
you know what, you cant be more right, the support and posts here on GYE, thats what keeps me going, its incredible how supportive our Chaveirim are, i thank you all for that.
im BH not meyiush, im happy to be part of GYE, and i know this is part of recovery, and i know that i will one day be the controller  of this addiction, and the addiction wont be the controller of me..
thank you.

Hi,
I am a married guy who has struggled with viewing inappropriate material on the internet for many years as a single guy. I pulled my self out of this addiction by firstly genuinely asking Hashem for help. I hated the way I felt about my self and decided I had to change. It has been a process of growth and change for many years now, and I've had times of real yerida and strugle  and times of inspiration and growth. Being engrossed in a daily schedule of yeshiva away from home made things more manageable. But when I'd come home to visit the strugle would become unbearable. I fell so many times, until I finally told my parents of my strugle and of the importance to have a filtered internet. They were so happy to help. I also had the internet removed from my phone. Now I'm married and have made sure not to have any access to even filtered internet without my wife near by. She is so supportive of me in my struggles. Now my strugle is slightly of a different nature. Thank G-d I have the internet piece under control, but the challenge of living in America where people walk the streets in the most immodest way, makes the strugle so hard. I sometimes feel like I can't go 10 feet without seeing a lady dressed inappropriately. I feel so powerless in this area. And even in religious circles, expecially at weddings and Shabbos, women dress up in their finest making it very difficult not to look.
I need guidance in this area... 
thanks

Mr Sheleg,

You said you haven't had much sex, but that sounds like some. Is that correct?

Also, you sound so puzzled that he shouldn't get married till he recovers. Would you tell a drug addict to get married before he recovers?

Michael and bb, your conversation is very interesting and your points have merit. I would humbly suggest that you involve a competent Rav or a mental health professional who consults with a Rav to help guide you. It is very admirable that you have seen success long term, but to independently decide that the end justifies the means is risky. There are occasions where rabbonim  permit things like this but each case is judged individually. Continued hatzlocha!

Mr. Snowman maybe YOU should get married....
sheleg wrote on 26 Jun 2017 06:32:

I recently got the Big Book and started working with a 12 steps sponsor, but we broke up bec. he basically said he only works with people that are "drowning" and who will do everything - including traveling across country to work the steps with him. I told him I am not at that stage.
anyway, I do think I am an addict and I would like to work the steps with a sponsor. If anyone knows of someone that is "Matim" for me, please let me know. 

Thanks for ur detailed answer (let that be in ur zchus, (although on this site some people don't count zchusim;))

i'll follow up on ur answer in a day or two I'm just don't find time now.

thanks again.