MARKZ

I am not recommending that people somehow grab a random woman, run off to Vegas and get hitched!
But it truly troubles me that someone like Chaim woudl be in his 20's and avoid contact with women.
I know there is Talmudic advice to talk to women as little as possible.
But at the same time a lack of female contact can lead to stunted social skills, lack of confidence and inability to share emotions with a future wife.
I went to an all boy's school had very little contact with females outside of immediate family, and I really feel it dented my confidence and lessened my chances of a normal healthy marriage. The effects of this are still felt by me well decades later.
I hate to see others suffer how I did, viewing women from afar, regarding them as inaccessible and therefore having negative connotations...the end result of which has been for me to seek solace in acting out and at times visiting prostitutes.
I do not proscribe marriage as the antidote to lust, but I believe the distancing from women which some men do leads us to objectify them as sexual objects rather than people with feelings.

There is a school of thought which believes the 12 Step Programme not useful for Sex Addiction, because the drive for sex is natural, whereas the drive for alcohol is learned.
So instead the remedy is to focus on building a healthy romantic relationship leading to marriage.
Of course, some sex addicts will have been helped by the 12 Step programme...so different things work for different people at different times.

HASHEM HELP ME

Thank you for your kind words. They give me encouragement.

This latest fall has been the hardest because I really thought I had conquered my problem once and for all.
That no triggers could make me fall.
The fall proves this was not correct, and I need to accept my emotional triggers and reasons for acting out, and instead of denying they can harm me, instead respond to them with immediate prevention techniques and positive actions.

YIRASHAMAIM

Yes, we must love ourselves. No partner can provide the magic answer.
But in my case I truly believe being in a healthy relationship lessens my chances of acting out, through building emotional fulfillment.

Which leads me to 

GETTHERE

So true.
Prevention is everything with me.
Tackling the flame whilst it is small.
Avoiding getting to that low place where I act out from emotional weakness.

Thank you for replying.

Day #15

B"H I passed Day #14 and Today is Day #15

Today is number #15, I had BH a clean yesterday day and night, I can say, that I really love myself, I love that I have the strength to overcome my struggles, to overcome lust, and even I fell a few times, I still have the strength to come out and say loud that I fell, and I’m picking myself up, and the only way I can move forward, I keep on talking to myself, to thing and talk positive, to be a positive person, even when life is not that rosy, but in reality it is rosy, I just don’t see it, hsahem is a טוב ומטיב לכל even when we don’t do what he likes we should do, he still want our goods, so he is soo good to me, he helps me in my daily struggle, Thanks You Hashem…

We said today in סליחות, אל תשליכנו מלפניך ורוח קדשך אל תקח ממנו, who are saying this, people who are doing bad things, because Tsadikim are not afraid they should lose connection with hashem, this tefilah is made for us, for us addicts, and we ask hashem he shouldn’t let us go, he shouldn’t disconnect from us, it’s such a great tefilah, that even we fell million times, so many years, the tefilah is still here, and it doesn’t have a limit, that after falling so many times we can’t say it, no, we are still asking hashem that he shouldn’t disconnect us from him, even we fell so many times, look how good hashem is to us, and I bet you, this tefileh helps, there is no such a thing that a tefile should get lost….

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thanks to my best partner, and thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Easy Fast

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

GYEBen wrote on 11 Jul 2017 07:34:

Welcome brother!!

You are taking impresssive steps!

Since you're an old timer I'm taking the liberty to comment, and please let me know if I'm off target

I did not highlight parts of your post, but it seems you are Trying to go this yourself
You didn't ask for help, although GS very kindly offered

Part of recovery is surrender, which I believe can also be used in surrendering our self medication and letting sanity into our lives.
Gye has all the meds needed for mads like me

I wish you success!!

Apparently addiction existed before the internet, as we find in the Midrash Parshat Balak

What the lessons, Guard your waters"?

_____________

The Midrash gives us another important lesson and continues;

The ploy used was one that exists still today

What would a Jew not do to save $2?

So, many many of us (myself included) landed on bad websites or in other inapropriate settings, and the catalyst was only an innocuous $2 savings plan

Is it really worth saving $2 in order to lose our sanity?

GYEBen wrote on 11 Jul 2017 07:34:

Welcome back.
Get yourself a partner, start reading through the manual here and join the duvid chaim talks daily and the dov talks daily.
Since you have identified yourself as a sex addict, reach out asap to dov - his email is all over this site, and speak to him and get onto his desperado calls.
These firm steps will get you on your feet again and moving in the right direction for good, one day at a time.
Harbeh haztlocha!

Hello there,
Two days ago, I decided that I must put an end to it. And I join GYE - again.
I tried two years ago - but failed. I do not know how, but this time it will be for good.
I come back to GYE because - although I failed last time - I truely feel that this place is my best chance to succeed.
I am a sex addict - for the last 36 years...
I've done many wrong and shameful things - nothing illegal (by common law) but certainly immoral.
This has caused me much harm along the years, I am painfully aware of that. But that's it, I really want to stop now and discard completely that side of me - concentrating on the many good things in my life.
I am otherwise happily married with a wonderful wife. I have 6 marvelous kids, all succesful in their various activites. One grandson who of course is the cutest, smartest, most succesful kid on earth.
I have a great job, a great house, a great community! Everything is just perfect in my life except for my addiction that shades my entire life with a grey veil. 
Before joining GYE this time - I severed all the ties I had with this other self. Deleted the accounts and the email addresses I used for that, all materials that could still be around, removed the problematic apps from my phone.
Now, the main question is for how long will it last? This is why I decided to have a more active presence on GYE. My first step is to ask to be part of a mini-group hoping that the direct link with people having similar challenges will help me over time.
I shall see what tools proposed here on GYE will be the most helpful.
B"H I will succeed... for good!

Jinx I just wrote my post and it just wasn't posted  ill reright and let me see if I don't get burned out 

bh today i was busy with chavrusas and work so wasn't able to post anything earlier (wooho, busy so my mind was lust free)

Bh yesterday I didn't search...
i checked into yesterday urge and this is what I came up with,
sometime last week I felt some weird (merely lusty) thoughts creeping up so I prayed to g-d that I'm powerless to the power of lust so take it away, and I realized that i was tired (the previous night I didn't have a good night sleep) so I told my lust that he isn't playing fair game please come back tomorrow, well he listened and a little to well since the next day he wasn't around yay, ahhh he's waiting for the next round and it came sooner then I thought, on shabbos i was extremely tired and in shabbos morning a really immoral scenes from the past started creeping up, so I prayed to g-d and bh it was away, now last night I felt a strong urge which normally leaves me powerless and eventually leads to watching p (and although last night I wasn't especially tired and I have been eating well and a had a full on schedule for the next day) but with the tools of guy (and especially the tool of posting here before I start slipping) i told myself hold it and lets take a closer look at the problem so a came up with 3 trouble makers 1) the thought of shabbos morning, normally even when i push away the thought it subconsciously the damage was done and in the day or a day later it will creep up again and I'll fall so this time I prayed to g-d 2) I encountered someone that irritates me (so I dealt with that yesterday and it helped to ease the struggle) which I think that it was a main factor for my struggle 3) that the struggle normally brings in a lot of energy although negative energy and as time passes I don't think that there's anything that can counter the level of high energy that it brings in (while watching there's tons of energy, the resentment, the enjoyment, after the act their is the feeling of getting back to normal life and how each day is so refreshing how u are free from the shmutz) and I channeled the energy in searching for the source for my lust.

So if anyone can give advice for number 3 it will be greatly appreciated.

i also learned a shtikel chovas halvovas (shaar bitochen perek 4 in the pirush chailek horishon) and what he says gave another tool to deal with in my nisayon, he says that when a person kills himself there's a two fold problem 1 the actual sin 2 the fact that he destroyed his midah of mercy since the closer a person is to u the more mercy u have for him how much more so should this be when it's oneself and therefore the punishment is greater , Now to my nisayon in addition to the fact that by me watching p** and m** I become brain dead and I can't give a straight answer for the next 2/3 days I'm also destroying my mida of mercy, this point is true on many levels.
this gave me chizuk, but it's good before someone falls, after someone falls it ain worth it to beat urself.

sorry for the lengthy post but why should we let our thoughts loose somewhere else, let them loose in guy 

thenewme49 wrote on 10 Jul 2017 15:55:

Welcome Mr Me. Or Mr Newme? Wishing you הצלחה on overcoming the struggle that you're up against. Have you come up with a plan on how to protect yourself from triggers? If you feel comfortable with it, please share some more about what you're going through.

JewishYoungAdult wrote on 10 Jul 2017 19:52:

Welcome brother 

Awesome going!!

Hi, my name starts with S. and I'm hardly ever online. I've never touched porn, yet I still have an addiction.

It began when I was a child; I didn't have any of the natural repulsion to girls that boys have, and it did not help when I reached puberty. I would fantasize and first acted out as a result of thinking inappropriate thoughts right after I turned eighteen.

My issue continued to develop over the next seven years. When I spent the year in Israel for Yeshiva a little over a year ago, I volunteered part-time and found myself working in a primarily female environment for the first time. That, combined with the foam rubber mattresses I slept on in Israel, resulted in my playing with myself and acting out every time I slept - sometimes upon both going to bed and waking up. When I would eat over at other people's houses in Israel, I found their little daughters to be very trusting - sometimes sitting on my lap and hugging me. That did not help in the slightest.

When I returned to New York, my problem grew and grew. I happen to be one of the few people able to meet others - including women - and be friendly with them on NYC public transit. I joined SA after my first time hugging and kissing a grown woman outside of my immediate family, and I've been working on it ever since. It's an uphill battle, but I'm not giving up.

I pray very often that G-d give me strength.

I have a lust addiction. I admitted it to my wife about two weeks ago and have since been clean/

Michael94 wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:17:

Brother

Would you drink 99% filtered water
and 1% spiked, but it's fine because the rabbi said it's batel beshishim??

Cheskele wrote on 10 Jul 2017 00:46:

Welcome Chess!
I gotta agree with your thoughts!!

I have now an urge to check up on my search bar on my iPhone a specific women, (my iPhone has a filter so currently I'm not able and don't want to fall) and here is where it all starts, I just search the name and a picture shows up although not a bad one but as the gemora says that even by calling rochov by her name, it leads that person to kery, with the condition that makira, so by me it will not lead to kery but it will start my engine.... so I decided, that my phone is on 4% and I'll let it die, and tomorrow I'll charge my phone, in the time that I have now gained myself I'll do some soul searching and try to find out what inside me triggered me to this which I haven't had this past 2 and a half weeks.



a good night chevrah and stay clean (a silent prayer for ani hakoton )

Just sharing my experience, I have a filter but if i truly want lust then i will find it. I will beat any filter, do whatever it takes to get my fix. I am an addict after all. I am completely utterly powerless over lust. It controls me. It makes my life unmanageable. A filter is not good enough for me. I need more. I need positive recovery not just preventative recovery. I need gratitude lists, i need fear inventories, i need to share on the phone with other program members. 

Perhaps you are different. Perhaps a filter is sufficient for you. I am not sure, Only you can make that call. For a long time, i thought thats all i needed but now i realize that if I do my program of recovery I wont even try to break my filter, i wont look for images, I wont masturbate. 

Who in their right mind that is in real recovery would ever want that? Life is so good in recovery. Why would i want to wreck it? Risk it. Its ridiculous. I know that if i go there, then I am just killing my self.