stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 16:15:

I don't remember that nickname actually. But I must say, it's quite fitting. . 

As sg isn't answering for me, I am not answering for him, but I have an opinion on what was said: Even if I had zero sexual attraction for women, I could live a productive and happy life and be married. I know people who think that they aren't attracted to women, (hint: they are), but they have happy marriages. In terms of attraction, if a guy can tell the fundamental difference between a cute dog and a cute girl, then he is sufficiently attracted to women. This is what my therapists told me and it was one of the most vital things anyone has ever told me. But even so, let's say that I had zero attraction to women, I could still live productively.

Here are the "variety" of reasons why SSA isn't my problem:

1) SSA isn't my problem because I'm an addict. I have a disease that includes lust for men. God gave me it. Do pancreatic cancer patients and lung cancer patients have the same disease? Yes. So too do me and every other sex addict have the same disease. It's just expressed in different areas. There may be psychological reasons why I am sexually attracted to men, but there are reasons for everything. So addiction is the source, not SSA. (I am refraining from calling my addiction a problem, it is not a problem, rather the way I deal with it can be problematic). Some people have SSA as their source, but not me. As I'm in middle of writing a history paper, here is a quote from another member who shared this sentiment:

"cordnoy" post=240681 date=1412218115
Ultimately, the way I see it as a general rule (and I'm no expert) is that this type of addiction or lust desire is the same as others. There was somethin' that triggered our brains and rest of our body at some point in time, and many of us get stuch with that for the duration of our life. It is not the object or person of our desire that makes the difference; it is not the particular fetish that we may have. The common denominator is that it is defined as lust, and we need to learn how to live with it in a healthy fashion. 
Honestly, I could read that over and over again. (I'm entering it in post of the year after this, even though it wasn't this year).

2) SSA isn't my problem because it doesn't run my life. I don't have to deal with it. I don't identify myself as SSA, I am Shlomo. I am not a living, breathing, SSA. I know people like this and I don't find that they have serene lives. The best thing for my SSA was to disregard it as an identity. I am not different than you, we both belong together as humans. While some may find comfort and love in the SSA community, my personal experience was that the more I made SSA my life, the less of a life I had. I was constantly thinking about guys when I was in the community, that was the majority of conversations. And it wasn't healthy for me.

3) SSA isn't my problem because God has decided that I should gain attraction for women. My attraction is steadily growing and believe me I am not trying to facilitate that. I may even be actively NOT letting it facilitate. I'm quite comfortable with my attractions, we are old buddies. I am used to this and I like it, it's a homey place for me. I do find that the more I distance from SSA the stronger my sexual attractions to women are. I was in a point where I didn't lust after women at all, I just had the attraction, but now I need to be a little bit more careful. I am still grossed out by the prospect of watching heterosexual porn, I don't think women should be portrayed that way and I don't believe that any woman REALLY want to be a pornstar, as much as the liberal media will say otherwise. I am not, however, grossed out about sex with a woman, which I used to be. (And that is also for a slew of reasons). A woman in a gorgeous dress may be triggering, although for the most part they are not. I do objectify woman a lot though, probably the same I do with everybody. I don't think that someone even needs to be attracted at all sexually to be able to "perform."

I also used to let that eat me up.

But who says that that's a goal that we should set for ourselves?

Also, that's part of B'makom Sheba'aei Teshuva Omdim, Ain Tzadikim Gemurim Yecholim La'amod.

We have that feeling that we're farfahlen to deal with (among other things) and that's a good way to tap in to "Leiv Nishbar VeNidkeh, Elokim Lo Sivzeh".

And one more thing, what's the Nafka Minah if you wind up like your friends who (as far as you know) never had this addiction -

L'maaseh this whole business of yes like friends/not like friends -IMHO- is lots of hooey, hogwash, bologna (pronounced baloney), shtissim, shtuyot, and for our friend Yoeli with the lithp -B.S. (I heard an Israeli chassidishe guy say that today und Ich zug dir tzi az er veist nisht vus s'maint bichlall; my mother washed out my mouth with soap when I innocently repeated the second half of that word).

Tachlis -Are you happy the way you are? When someone chalilah has yenner machlah, he's busy worrying about his not looking like his friends, or whether the treatments will work and he'll survive?

My dear friend -I have a problem, you have a problem, we have a problem. Any Jew who is frum and looks at P***, hangs out with shiktzas (actually they might be shekatzim, after all if you present yourself as some anonymous John, so can the person you're chatting with) online, can't give up M***N HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

Because by definition, most people who live a frum lifestyle -and I'm not even talking about a shtickle ben-Torah, just your average Yossel -have Yiras Shamayim.

And if a guy with Yiras Shamayim in all other areas of life, a guy who has (in general) a wife, kids, other family members, a job or a Kollel, a good (or at least decent) reputation, and whatever else your average Yossel has knowingly and with open eyes places all of what's good in his life on the line in order to watch P***, hang out online with shiktzas, and M**** until he starts losing the ta'am in anything he ever enjoyed HE IS AN ADDICT!!!.

His friend might not be.

So it's a choice, worry about me, or worry about if I'm going to ever be like my 'normal' friends...

Worry about today, because without today -there is no tomorrow.

And I'm not a Rebbe, Navi, or fool who gives out havtachos. I haven't even been around here that long. But I am 100% sure, so I will guarantee you that if you get with the program here, and get clean -you will be so happy, and so satisfied that you won't be able to care less if you are like your 'normal' friends or not. You'll be happy just the way Hashem made you.

Besides, maybe your 'normal' friends:
a. are here now.
b.were here in the past.
c.could really, really, really desperately use to be here, and weren't yet zocheh.
d.were never here, don't need to be here, and never will.

What's the big difference?

I'm here with you, and for you -if you want,

Eli Ben Durdayah

So what is the plan for tonight? Being prepared what to do if the nisayon arises makes a big difference.