Dear all,

This is not my first time here. A few months ago, I tried one more time and I really reach 45 days clean. It was great! I was living a great moment in my life. I was not ashamed at all. And for many weeks I was totally involved in my sobriety and being grateful to Hashem, but I failed...

I was so depressed... Since than it's being very hard to get just one day clean…

Today would be my second day clean! It’s a small victory, but I am glad. I know I can’t control my future or even my addiction, but I am/will trying to manage my sobriety. ODAAT, I know it.

I have a good friend from GYE helping me on my journey (I think I could call him a sponsor!) and I am reading Rav Twerski’s book “Teshuvah through recovery”. Hope this forum could be another form to be engaged and not be alone in this journey…

Welcome, you mentioned you went to an IOP for your drug abuse. Seems that you considered your drug abuse a medical issue and sought treatment. For me sex addiction is a medical issue and therefore I seek medical treatment.

first of all, i would like to say that i am quite impressed with your control over your drug addiction. many of the people i know who were addicted to drugs, did not have such an easy time with it. i cant imagine it was too easy for you either.
about the porn adiction, i think that we should look at it at a different angle. you feel that the fight with your porn addiction should be the same as with the drug addiction. you feel that just like the awareness of the negative effects of drugs helped you stop, so too the awareness of the negative effects of the porn should help you stop.
although it makes a lot of sense and is true to some degree, i think that a different aproach is required for several reasons.
the knowledge of the negative effects DOES NOT TAKE AWAY THE ADDICTION. it may help you control yourself and in your own words stay away, but the addiction is still there. the help with the addiction came from the program you attended and the work on putting together your life. the reason this helps is because the drugs ruined your life and the need to put it back together forced you to use these methods to control yourself. your lack of knowing how to deal with the underlying problems of life caused you to turn to it so the work on dealing with these problems without it, forced you to learn how to control it. you have to first find what issue is causing the addiction (maybe shalom bayis) and realize you MUST STOP and then find the negative effects of porn to keep in mind for your day to day control. 
another difference is, drugs is a physical need caused by a need to run away from life's problems and the need for the drug grows as the dopamine need grows. although p*rn addiction works in the same way, i believe there is a yetzer horah for arayos which helps along. every human being has this yetzer horah, but the size of the yetzer horah is as big as the outside need for it is.
let me explain with an example. take someone who has never had any exposure to the dirty world and has no major problems in life. the extent of his yetzer horah is probably looking at woman in the street. put a computer in front of him and he will probably not do much to try to bypass a filter or go onto any sites. even if he would try to bypass the filter he wouldnt be able to, due to his lack of advanced knowledge in computers. but someone who has internet and is aware of what is going on there,  no matter how little he knows about how to work computers, he will somehow be able to find ways to bypass the filter and figure out what sites will have the juciest stuff. thats the power of the yetzer horah.
in short, drugs had an initial cause, then turned into an addiction. so you must deal with the initial cause- the underlying problems, then control the addiction- keeping in mind the negative effects. p*rn has the initial cause- underlying problems together with the yetzer horah, then the addiction. however along with the addiction grows the yetzer horah, and with each new stage and each new thing you try, a new yetzer horah and initial cause is created. so it does not help to just deal with the underlying problem and then control the addiction. you have to fight the actual yetzer horah in stages. this will not work with just reminding yourself of the negative effects. this will only happen if you tackle the p*rn issue stage by stage until you are down to only having to keep your head down in the street. 
how do you do that? welcome to gye!
hope this post was not too long and too deep. much hatzlacha.

I have been struggling with this challenge for years. I think I'm finally in a place in my growth that I have a chance to succeed. I am more consistent and disciplined than I have ever been before.

A couple of years ago I was dealing with a drug addiction. One that had been a problem for many years but came to a head when I could no longer function in life. I dealt with it and have been clean for over 20 months. Honestly, staying away from drugs was actually easy. I made the decision to stop, attended an outpatient program, and didn't really have any urges. I had a lot of work to do with getting my life back together,  I had to learn how to function in life without the aid of drugs and deal with the underlying problems, but actually staying away was never an issue.

Staying away from porn has been the opposite. It has been a seemingly impossible task. The longest I have been clean is 15 days, and that was an intense struggle. 

Last night I had an epiphany. I was thinking about how it's so hard to stop this addiction, but drugs were so easy. What is the difference? I believe the reason why is that drugs were very obviously ruining my life. I could not function. I was extremely depressed and isolated. Yes, they gave me intense pleasure, but the pain was also very obvious. The reason it was so easy to quit was because I was able to keep all that in mind. The consequences of even one more time were extremely clear to me. 

In contrast, porn doesn't seem so bad. I can function with this addiction. I am not depressed. The pain I feel is not even close to the pain I was feeling. 

I best way to go forward is to make the negative effects of this addiction clear and obvious. I need to list them, rank them, and review them. This way whenever I feel any urge, awareness of the consequences will come along with it. With knowledge and awareness, stopping will be much much easier and more likely to succeed. 

Hello I am Mika sexolic. It's been five years since I know your site and I try to go back and forth between the Brotherhood and nothing.
I am 38 years old and married; I live in France where there are few SA groups but there are some. I have an important addiction, solitary, which began with pornography, internet, then worsened (salons, paid meetings ...); it almost went to divorce when I confessed everything to my wife but she understood that I was sick. The problem is that I had trouble finding my treatment. I think I was at a point where I understood that I had no choice: my treatment is SA and the 12 steps, I must be "compliant" that is to say take my treatment. I need you to find the right dosage. Thank you because I know you to read for 5 years, including Rav Dov whose words are incredibly deep .... and I want to follow. I use Google translation because my level of English is average (very French attitude . Behatslaha

In response to your comments:

Having a filter, besides the obvious benefits (accidental typos don't mistakenly access inappropriate sites.....) , is something Gedolei Yisroel have instructed us to do. This brings along with it added syatta d'shmaya we all can use. Of course some individuals may have been advised by rabbonim or professionals that in their specific case this policy does not apply.

Staying connected is one of the strongest forces in breaking addictive bad habits.

There are many people who have recovered without SA. Those who are successful in SA should continue, for that is the path working for them. And those who are successful through other means should continue with their mehalech. I am BH clean a little over 11 months. Back in the beginning I was ready to join a SA meeting and already met with a local sponsor. During one of my many calls to Dov during those beginning days I mentioned i was joining SA. He surprisingly told me "You don't belong in SA. Its not meant for guys like you. Your job is to work and fight the yetzer hora. For you SA will just be an easy way out when you can get really cured."  Bli ayin hora the rest is history, and we daven for continued success.

Here at GYE we respect the various opinions of all the people who graciously take out the time to post. We may sometimes disagree on method and approach. But we are all in this together to help each other successfully stay clean and live better healthier happier holier lives. Hatzlocha to all my brothers here.

Workingguy wrote on 17 Nov 2017 00:12:

Markz, stop wastin' your time on you know what and dedicate some effort to gettin' the "five star" system for each post into place.

This is gold.

I wish everyone (includin' me) would write like this.

There are obviously many tools of recovery besides SA. Markz, Cordnoy, and many people whose stories are in Markz signature can attest to that.

For some, SA is a gift. For others, it’s not. For some, CBT is the answer. For others, it’s not. 

There are are so many possibilities and combinations, and believe it or not, some people just stop acting out and that’s it. Perhaps after many falls and tries, but they do. 

And it doesn’t matter if you’re an addict or not, because there are people here who aren’t addicts and can’t stop, and people here who would say they are and have stopped with SA.

You have to learn from everyone and see what they did, but then tweak that and take what works for you. 

Here is an article about it.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201509/anti-drinking-drug-may-hold-the-cure-sex-addiction

I discovered this way before most Dr would even know about. With my endless online searching I found a blog where a guy said naltrexone was the only thing that helped stop his exhbitionism. Pls know that if it works it will be a miracle for you but it takes positive recovery to keep it working. You can defeat the drug. I did.

​Luckily now you don't have to do endless compulsive internet searching and if you find the drug works you don't need to see if you can push its limits. I did that for you.   

Thanks so much for your reply.  I often wondered if there was any kind of medication that could help.  I am currently on medication for Bi-Polar disease.  I currently have a doctor, but, she is not one of those docs who see porn as an addiction...strange right?  However, I think I will inquire about the medication you told me about...at this point, I would try just about anything.  Baruch Hashem, I stayed porn free today...I so cherish these quiet days when I am not being held hostage by my brain.  But, I sit on pins and needles all of the time, wondering when the next fit of insanity will come.  I just keep talking to Hashem...I sure hope He is listening.  Thanks for your help and support.  It's really, really is nice knowing I have you guys to talk to.  

Day #1 of 2nd round - Day #91

Today is my 1st day of my 2nd round to reach 90/180 days, i feel that this way ill make it easier then continuing counting 91. counting past day 90 is a great feeling, i just cant describe it, you have to feel it by your self, just do it, keep on trying, it pays. beside the other great benefits from being clean....

im BH doing great, had a very hectic day, which is great for us addicts, keeps our mind somewhere else, i love it that way.

Remember: One day at a time, why mess up the day when most of the day is almost over, stay positive, think and talk positive then everything will go your way, only with Simcha.

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together....

Medications that help with sex addiction have been helpful to me. Specifically for me Naltrexone was helpful. That with a very extensive recovery program. I'm currently med free for about two years though and sexually sober per the SA definition for 2 and half years. One slip in three years after 5 months. Naltrexone might not be right for you but that you can consult with a psychiatrist specializing in sex addiction.   

You mentioned alcohol. I cannot drink any alcohol and stay sober from lust or sober from alcohol for that matter.  

Many people have had to have a period of abstinence totally including with their wife to get recovery. 

Hello, I know and accept that I have an addiction to porn and masturbation...that is not the problem.  The problem that I have is that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can not seem to get past my intense cravings to use and act out.  I have tried just about everything; cold showers, prayer, fasting, internet filters, pills to put me asleep, meditation...but, when I get my cravings they can be so intense that they in fact cripple me...My body seems to turn on this switch somewhere and suddenly I have been high jacked.  I feel as if somebody just threw me into the path of a speeding train and I am powerless to do anything about it.  I want to get sober and stay sober, if not for this one thing, I know I will be alright....I just don't know what to do when these cravings come over me...?  Can anyone help me?  Has anyone ever experienced such intense overwhelming cravings?  This stupid addiction has gone on for some thirty plus years now...am I too far gone to get better?  Is it possible I have forever damaged my brain to the point of no return?  

Welcome!  How did you "recently become 'a bit' addicted"?  Did you have any issues before you were married?

One important thing is to live in a way that you don't get those urges that frequently or that intensely.  What are your triggers?  You need to avoid getting to the point of "every time the urge comes".  It comes from somewhere.  Where does it come from? Lonliness, boredom, resentment, anger, or just a lack of shmiras aynayim and allowing yourself to fantasize.

Please elaborate.

Thanks!

Gevalt!!!! I used to think exactly like you. To the point that I had a dangerous episode. My therapist after talking to me for about 15 mins (if I remember correctly- definitely the first session with this guy) says SA. The real fellowship of seeing and connecting to other people not just user names really makes a difference. If you are an addict (try the SA 20 questions or speak to someone who knows) they teach and show you how you can not control yourself and you can not blame yourself.
Regardless if you are or are not an addict Hashem loves you more than you can imagine. The 13 Middos start with Hashem Hashem the first one is the love He has for you before you did an aveira the second one is the love He has for you afterwards- I think even if it was done l'ha'achis (just to rebel against Hashem c"v). You can rest assured Hashem loves you and does not nor will He ever give up on you.
I don't think the oilem here will give up on you either. Look at R' HHM's post this is where people like us turn this is what this website is made for. Not for people who can stop for people who need help. There's nothing wrong with that. I probably need more help than you do. I happened to Baruch Hashem have found a path which seems to work for now. You will B'ezras Hashem find yours too just keep your eyes open.
Keep on trucking.
Best of luck.
Please keep posting.