Welcome, brother!

What a sad story. All I can say would probably do more harm than good. Continue with your psychologist and may Hashem be in your way!! Stick around and you will learn a lot! This is a very warm chavra!

Welcome Chaver.

Thanks for coming here and somewhat opening up.

Wishing you Hatzlacha on the road to recovery.

Day #10 of 2nd round - Day #100
im Super excited today, 100 days, what a milestone.... even i have my tough moments here and there, but i show them my back right after approaching me, i dont have time for that, and i wont mess with success, and its usually takes just a few moments, and its much much easier it used to be.. 

Question is: am i an addict? no clue, was i? i dont care, but maybe i should care, so someone else can learn from me, that there is a way out even as an edict??? i don't know, will leave that to others to figure that out. 

bottom line!!! im free from this monster/YH, im having a grand time with out being his partner, from time to time he comes to me, in a friendly manner, we should get back together, and playing together, and im just ignoring him, i know he is mad on me, i just dont care, i hate him, he should go to hell, and he should leave me alone, i dont want to know him, he ruined my first 30+ years, and im not interested of being friends again with him.... and i have a good advise for all of you, just get rid of him ASAP, he is not your friend, he is your enemy... 

Remember: One day at a time, why mess up the day when most of the day is almost over, stay positive, think and talk positive then everything will go your way, only with Simcha.

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together....

Welcome brother

I think if you follow what your dr suggested the non-hidden therapist who will get to know you will be able to answer your 2 questions

Hatzlacha!

Hi, I'm a 23 year old chasidishe yingerman, father of 2 kids.

Here are parts of my story which I think is related to my problem:
When I was a bucher I learned very fleisig,  my first time using the internet was a few months after my wedding.
But I always felt strong love to beautiful people, I knew nothing about sex etc. (I knew how ppl have kids, I also knew what happens when you think from nice people but I don't think I ever connected these 2) so I just felt that I want to own them & treat them good (maybe I'm crazy but this is what I felt...)
When I was 17 I was diagnosed with social anxiety (or something similar, my father didn't tell what it was (!)) & I was treated by a mechanech instead of a therapist (!), I never felt that I was healed.
When got in shiduchim my parents never told me what they're considering, I didn't think much about it cuz I was learning in yeshiva & didn't really think what marriage is all about. One night my father told me from a shidduch, wanted I should see the girl, so the next morning we went with the car waited for her to get out of the house and we saw her from across the street while she's wearing a coat... I later understood that they did it cuz the girl was fat & they wanted I should see her before. I saw nothing.
6 hours later we had a beshow, I wasn't able to make my decision cuz I didn't like how she looked but I wasn't sure if this is a reason to say no. I was still under medication for my anxiety (or whatever else), I can't explain the anxiety I felt on that day. I went to my therapist (?) I asked him if this a reason to say no, he wasn't able to answer, so I asked him if I will love her less cuz she's fat (almost double of my weight) he told me no. In the end I decided to do it cuz I felt bad for that girl that already had a beshow & everybody knew that she is becoming a kallah. (You can laugh if you want)
Since then, every time a friend got engaged I was jealous on him.. I can't explain that feeling (I think it's related to my mental issue as well), I felt the same when I went to weddings & also when I walked on the street & saw a skinny woman... So my entire anxiety was now focused on that topic "everybody will have a better wife than me, I'm a loser"
Then I got married & it didn't got any better. My wife didn't know about my issue, even now (3 and a half years later). I was in bad moods at times & she felt it but I never told her the cause. Other than that our marriage is really exceptional, she loves me & I think I love her (I think the reason I'm not sure has to do with my issue) I never told her any of the things I just told you.

The next step was I found Mr. Google, (in my father's office, I don't have a smartphone) so I was able to search whatever was on my mind, I think you know what it was.. I soon discovered that there is a thing called porn & I started to date it here and there.. (I justified it a little bit with the story above) till it got to a point that you can call addiction (I was always more sex minded... I think we had more sex than a average couple, but now it was to bad things).
It went on like this for a few years, I tried to fight it all the time, but if you're here you should know my success rate...
I signed up here a week ago, started the 90 days program, had my first (hopefully last) fall yesterday, so that's why I'm here...

I went to a doctor 2 days ago, I told him I feel tired weak can't focus some times can't fall asleep, I asked him if I lack vitamins, guess what he told me.. Go see a therapist!

I would appreciated any help anybody can give me for any of the above.
I also have 2 questions:
1) how should I deal with my wife? We a very open marriage BH, I share with her everything except for this.
2) since I don't have a smartphone it's hard for me to keep up with gye (we have a filtered tablet at home), so is it the right thing for me to get a smartphone? (with a strong filter of course) I feel it will help me, I will read more on the site, will be able to read more of the gye emails delivered to my hidden email address...

Willpower is not an easy thin'. Recovery is not easy. Takin' steps is not easy. As I've said quite often, lookin' backwards in time, each step I took & am takin' was/is a struggle. I didn't really wanna do it. I still don't (but I should). Every step I took, it was with trepidation; thinkin' how it can be avoided, but my spirallin' life downwards kept propellin' me in the right direction. From social worker friend to long distance therapist, to callin' people, to face to face specialist, to meetin' up with real other people (invitin' a like-minded struggler from across the globe to stay with us for Shabbos, drinkin' coffee with a rosh beis din in a shop off of geulah, cryin' with another by kiddush at a simcha in another country, chappin' a shmues with chassidishe yidden in boropark and williamsburg, high-fives with the litvishe guest in my shul, etc., etc.) and sharin' our secrets, to meetin's (and circlin' around the church buildin' over and over until finally enterin' the parking lot), to work the steps, to sponsors, to openin' up to my real friends, to callin' my rosh yeshiva (which was murder), to openin' up to addiction organizations, etc. This path is not the only way, but it was the one for me. Lots of denial on the way, and I am still in denial, but it is the honesty and raw peelin' of my skin, exposin' it to others that got me here today.

And yes, some of it to my wife as well, but she has chosen the path of denial as well. She is petrified of uncoverin' the past. She'd rather be comfortable in the present (and she asks me from time to time) and a bit curious of the past.

B'hatzlachah to all.

I would like to get in touch with someone who I can speak to in a weekly basis, the purpose will be to be able to see how the week went by in general in regards to this nisayon, to share different tools that works for us, in time when the urge rises we'll be able to speak it through and to be a support

I'm not a sa member and wouldn't appreciate someone who believes that that's the only route that can be taken to recovery.

I'm in the est time zone and any time past 6:30pm i can make it work, so to I prefer someone who's in US 

if someone who read my thread and can help it would be greatly appreciated if you send me a pm and I'll send you my email address.

Just wanted to say hi:hand:

i almost fell today and got myself before that happened.
it's kinda funny, i don't have a strong urge to watch porn, on the other hand i tell myself big deal just play with ur phone and Google a few names and take a little peek here and there on Google images and suddenly woops down i go....4:39am and tomorrow at work I can't think straight, so it continues until i get out of the mess.

what help not to fall was 1 to reactivate my filter and what gave me the strength to do so was probably the fact that I told myself that I can't afford running my next week and loosing some $$ and off course 

have a great night and I'm thankful I can catch a few restful hours of sleep which i was just to close of wasting and with stuff that just destroy every part of my mind and is self abusive.

LoveU,Hashem wrote on 21 Nov 2017 23:54:

I appreciate LUHashem's point. For myself I also thought of my struggle as a Yetzer Hara only thing until I joined this forum and realized that I was more anxious that I thought and it played a major part.

Hi I’m 19y/o Bocher I’m in a Yeshiva for 1st Seder and I work in the afternoon I’m struggling badly from sex addiction I need people to have conversations through (text etc.)

Very interesting!! If focusing on the destructive consequences works for you then, by all means, go for it! But don't feel lost if you learn down the road that you always feel that "one time isn't so bad". There are many more tools besides of knowing the consequences. 


Again, I can only talk for myself, but for me, I abuse porn as a painkiller and ultimate shelter from all of my life's problems. That resulted in my life increasingly getting messier, for I wouldn't face my problems, rather run away from it through porn and lust. Every time I faced stress, disappointment or emptiness in my life, instead of dealing with them in a healthy and effective way, I would avoid it. That made lust so destructive in my life. But this realization only got me to be determined in getting sober. It never helped me fight lust heads on. I can't fight lust. I try to stay far from it, once we meet, I'm usually done. 

Anyways, I hope you find sobriety on your journey!

Cheers to a clean day!

Welcome

May you find your medal if you're a non addict

If you're an addict I wish you a ODAAT medal ;-)

Hi all,
My unfortunate story in this area started when I was ~11 years old, before I even had the da'as to know what I was doing.  Now I am 44 and I have to undo 33 years of "habits."  At first I was skeptical about this group, because I felt that my problem was not only shemiras ainayim but a deeper urge that happened whether I looked at inappropriate images/videos or not.  So, even if I had a filter in place, I would just find another "outlet."  Then after I watched some of the videos on porn addiction, I realized that the urges that I had were really an addiction and that there was much more to it than filters.

Now, I am 27 days sober. At about 2 weeks in, I had a very strong urge to the point that I "had" to do something about it.  I was almost in tears.  The video on Urge Surfing really carried me through that moment.  Knowing that the urges come in waves and trying to observe myself helped me through that day.  On the flip side, getting through that day gave me chizuk that I can push through those times, even if they are very intense.

After listening to The Shmuz "The Fight" series, I decided that it would not be wise to continue alone, so I finally got around to setting up an account.

I look forward to being part of a group rather than being alone.  My driving vision is that at 120 I can hold up a 76 year sober medal before passing on.

Hatzlachah.

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. I think you made a lot of good points and gave me a few things to think about. 

For me, I think the always present knowledge of the consequences is one of the most important things, perhaps more than most other people. That is maybe why I had such an easy time quitting drugs. It wasn't the first time I had tried going clean, or even the 10th. I had even gotten long stretches of clean time before then. I always went back though, because I forgot the consequences. I would say "one time isn't so bad" and then of course it wouldn't be one time and I would spiral down. 

It is the same with this additiction. I've had clean time before, but I always go back. I forget or convince myself that the consequences are not so bad. That is why I feel I have to focus on them this time. 

I am not disparaging the other work I did with drug addiction, I think it was definitely vital. Because of that I have worked on the underlying problems a lot, and I continue to work on them by seeing a therapist every week. 

I don't think underlying psychological issues are what's causing my current addiction, although I'm sure they don't help. I think it's more the base instincts, or yetzer hara, the dopamine addiction, and habit that really drives it. I don't know, I could be wrong though and this is just how I feel right now. I'll think more about it. 

I'm looking forward to using the tools of this site to break free!

It's high time for subtle Addiction Recovery (or loss of recovery) related humor :-)