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27 Nov 2017 23:02

MayanHamisgaber

I have looked there and you did not quote the Ramban correctly
It had nothing to do with the lack of decision on Yaakov Avienu's part rather because she did not hint to the fact that she wasn't who he thought she was.......
Also you sounded like this was your own thoughts....

But most importantly as Cordnoy would say this is a public forum and if I have issue with what people say get the hell off a here and get real

B'hatzlacha
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 22:54

LoveU,Hashem

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 26 Nov 2017 18:24:
Dear Friend

I know that you meant no bad but I will use some strong words in response to the above vort
CV"S to say that Yaakov avienu hated Leah it is very clearly stated by all miforshim that it was in comparison to Rochel 
I am only responding like this as it bothers me that people put their own emotions into the Torah.
Yes we are all struggling and want and maybe even need validation but there has to be a limit on how far we will go to get it 

I was just echoing the words of the Ramban on the spot. Please consult with the meforshim you are referring to before using them as a reference. I appreciate your comment though!

Much hatzlacha,
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 20:53

serenity

youcan you are good guy. Keep doing the right thing.
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 20:50

serenity

Mazel tov! Wishing you to be the husband and father God intended for you to be. Don't underestimate lust or any kind of addiction. It's cunning, baffling and powerful. There are those who say they probably could have stopped early on on their own strength. They didn't and it eventually became an addiction. For me I think I was born an addict. Maybe if I knew that before I started I could have not started.  I can very much relate one of your posts., I used to play the am an addict or not game with alcohol. Allowing myself to drink for years and always trying to set limits so I would know I wasn't an alcoholic. It was a miserable experience. Proceed with caution and live like a man.
Category: Important Threads
27 Nov 2017 15:23

reallywanttobegood

My eleven month streak abruptly came to an end last night. I guess its hashems way of telling me " Al taamin beatzmecha ad yom moso". I'm in medical school and as you can imagine its rigorous beyond imagination, Especially now during final exam season! Sleepless nights for weeks on end. Add that together with trying to lead a jewish life: davening, Shabbos, Yom Tov, Wife and kids it almost becomes impossible. The last week or so has been extremely stressful for me both in school and at home that i found myself slipping and my usual cries to hashem of relinquishing my lust to him didn't seem to be working well. I think the final straw for me was in regards to my wife. We only were together once recently when she was permitted. But for the rest of that cycle she wasn't in the mood due to hormonal reasons. Motzai shabbos she told me that shes OK with getting together Sunday night. However when Sunday night came i took a look at the calendar and realized to my horror that we weren't permitted any more. I then had an extreme moment of weakness and downloaded inappropriate content onto my phone through remote logging into unfiltered work computer. I was up for a good portion of the night watching porn; my wife is used to me waking up at crazy hours due to school related work. I feel so down now; i feel like i gave everything up for a few minutes of senseless pleasure. I really hope hashem gives me the power to leave it at this and not to have this as a catalyst for me to spiral back down into full porn addiction. Hashem please Help Me!!!!!!
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 15:10

youcan

Thank you all for your support one way or the other..
I actually think the vort is so true, I wouldn't say it on Yaakov Avinu but for we the people this is the case.
Note that I only used my story as part of what brought me in to the problem I have now, I'm trying to get on the right track & just move on..
[it's interesting I noticed last week that it doesn't say in the Torah why Yakov didn't like Leah... Also in the meforshim I didn't find it]
Just for the joke: it couldn't be that Leah was a bigger size than Rachel, cuz this Yaakov would notice even in the dark...
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 15:00

reallywanttobegood

My eleven month streak abruptly came to an end last night. I guess its hashems way of telling me " Al taamin beatzmecha ad yom moso". I'm in medical school and as you can imagine its rigorous beyond imagination, Especially now during final exam season! Sleepless nights for weeks on end. Add that together with trying to lead a jewish life: davening, Shabbos, Yom Tov, Wife and kids it almost becomes impossible. The last week or so has been extremely stressful for me both in school and at home that i found myself slipping and my usual cries to hashem of relinquishing my lust to him didn't seem to be working well. I think the final straw for me was in regards to my wife. We only were together once recently when she was permitted. But for the rest of that cycle she wasn't in the mood due to hormonal reasons. Motzai shabbos she told me that shes OK with getting together Sunday night. However when Sunday night came i took a look at the calendar and realized to my horror that we weren't permitted any more. I then had an extreme moment of weakness and downloaded inappropriate content onto my phone through remote logging into unfiltered work computer. I was up for a good portion of the night watching porn; my wife is used to me waking up at crazy hours due to school related work. I feel so down now; i feel like i gave everything up for a few minutes of senseless pleasure. I really hope hashem gives me the power to leave it at this and not to have this as a catalyst for me to spiral back down into full porn addiction. Hashem please Help Us!!!!!!
Category: Break Free
27 Nov 2017 14:56

reallywanttobegood

I have to say that your post resonates deeply within me as my eleven month streak abruptly came to an end last night. I guess its hashems way of telling me " Al taamin beatzmecha ad yom moso". I'm in medical school and as you can imagine its rigorous beyond imagination, Especially now during final exam season! Sleepless nights for weeks on end. Add that together with trying to lead a jewish life: davening, Shabbos, Yom Tov, Wife and kids it almost becomes impossible. The last week or so has been extremely stressful for me both in school and at home that i found myself slipping and my usual cries to hashem of relinquishing my lust to him didn't seem to be working well. I think the final straw for me was in regards to my wife. We only were together once recently when she was permitted. But for the rest of that cycle she wasn't in the mood due to hormonal reasons. Motzai shabbos she told me that shes OK with getting together Sunday night. However when Sunday night came i took a look at the calendar and realized to my horror that we weren't permitted any more. I then had an extreme moment of weakness and downloaded inappropriate content onto my phone through remote logging into unfiltered work computer. I was up for a good portion of the night watching porn; my wife is used to me waking up at crazy hours due to school related work. I feel so down now; i feel like i gave everything up for a few minutes of senseless pleasure. I really hope hashem gives me the power to leave it at this and not to have this as a catalyst for me to spiral back down into full porn addiction. Hashem please Help Us!!!!!!
Category: Break Free
27 Nov 2017 14:05

proudjew2015

Hi,

Im a sexaddict. In recovery bh. Had very good 10month that recently came to an abrupt end. Of course for nothing. I want to write about a few points that led to this fall. And about what ill try to do about it with gds help. Ive been feeling very restless in the past two weeks. Yes i felt i will fall. But with the help of my HP it was averted. I really have seen how things are much better than in all my years before. How my thinking changed. How I did say no many times. But today i didnt. What made me restless im not sure. I deal with fears, money issues and social issues. The last two really get to me sometimes. The money even more. Two weeks ago i came across a tv series(i have a filtered smartfone, with whitelist but am able to watch tv series through an app)where the subject is a woman that instantly turned me on. It would be that kind of woman that id seek in pornmovies. I watched, touched myself but didnt masterbate. Struggled than let it go for a few days. It felt just like in pornmovie-masterbation days. And this made me restless. I spoke to ppl about it. And as i wrote before: gd has cought me way before anything happend. But this restless feeling didnt leave me. And then it came to this fall. From my past i know that its this first "drink" that puts me in a spiral. And that is exactly what i dont want. The spiral. So what am i going to do? First of all the fall happend in my office. Since i had a whitelist on my smartfone(which is with me, and i have no computer at home)i felt somewhat safe eventhough my officecomputer was not filtered. My mistake. So i will spend the 125$ that gentech costs and let tag install it on my officecomputer. Thats my first step. My next is to speak to my therapist about it. Bh im in groups and i speak to ppl but i believe im not behind it as i should. in yiddish we would say: ich lieg nisht genig in dem. There is more to do of course: my learning is lacking and it disturbs me alot. My davening lacked but bh its better than it ever was in my life before. I also believe that this fall is my opportunity to rise higher. With hashems help i will take it!!!

Thanks for listening
Category: Break Free
27 Nov 2017 11:43

tzomah

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 26 Nov 2017 18:24:
Dear Friend

I know that you meant no bad but I will use some strong words in response to the above vort
CV"S to say that Yaakov avienu hated Leah it is very clearly stated by all miforshim that it was in comparison to Rochel 
I am only responding like this as it bothers me that people put their own emotions into the Torah.
Yes we are all struggling and want and maybe even need validation but there has to be a limit on how far we will go to get it 

as is quoted from the kotzker that yaakov cried when he kissed rochel because later generations would not understand the kiss
Category: Introduce Yourself
27 Nov 2017 00:39

Yyy

Loveu, with all due respect, you claim to have married a skinny wife AND you picked her yourself yet you and Youcan are having the same struggles and are pretty much in the same boat. Don't make him feel worse about his situation because of how Hashem sent him his bashert. Obviously picking our own beautiful skinny wife didn't guarantee any of us anything. And besides he did say that he loves his wife so saying that Lea was hated cuz yakov was fooled doesn't apply here. This story is sad-yes-just as sad as all our stories for the mere fact that we ended up here. Youcan, YOU CAN get out of this im yertza hashem. Don't think of yourself as being stuck because of past circumstances.
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Nov 2017 18:24

MayanHamisgaber

Dear Friend

I know that you meant no bad but I will use some strong words in response to the above vort
CV"S to say that Yaakov avienu hated Leah it is very clearly stated by all miforshim that it was in comparison to Rochel 
I am only responding like this as it bothers me that people put their own emotions into the Torah.
Yes we are all struggling and want and maybe even need validation but there has to be a limit on how far we will go to get it 
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Nov 2017 16:25

LoveU,Hashem

For what it's worth:

Last week in the parashah Hashem saw that Leah was hated. The obvious question is how could Yakov Avinu hate his wife?? For she wasn't pretty like Rachel?? Yakov Avinu?? But the reason is that Yakov felt that it wasn't he who decided to marry her, rather Luvan fooled him in. He couldn't get to love her because she wasn't his decision. Many people married women that didn't reach Rachel's beauty and loved them, for they felt it was their choice. They weren't fooled into it. 
Note that who like Yakov knew that Leah was his basherta zivug, but that didn't help much. 

It's sad.

I wish you all the best!!
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Nov 2017 11:22

Spike Ed

Hey y'all. So first fall today since I started my journey this time around. I'll keep myany running thoughts to a few bullet points, writing here is good not just as a way to connect but for myself to formulate my thoughts. If anyone is similarly fighting on the 90 for a second or third time like me after giving up for a while please pm me, would love to have a partner who experiencing this ,( thought I know everyone here is experiencing this fight on different levels)

1. I know what caused it. Whenever I'm alone in the house for long enough so I need to put in steps to prevent this from happening which are the following, for the next 2 weeks then I will re- evaluate

A. Thankfully it's rare that im home alone and when I am it's only in the morning so I commit to daven shachris every morning, with a minyan if possible

B. To leave my house if I am having an urge while I am alone

C. Make a neder that whatever material I use to have a fall I will not touch

I'll keep it there for now and will make it official by the end of the day so i can review comments about them.

2. Being that this fall is is the first in a while that ive had while actively fighting my addiction, I feel it more painfuly then my previous falls that sort of didn't impact me too much, though I still feel too desensitized from it and am struggling to feel real regret over it. I will try my best to meditate on what happened, not to make myself depressed but as a way of understanding and feeling what I did so that I can better make real teshuva.

That's it for now, back to the big fighr. Hope to update tomorrow when I'm back on the chart!
26 Nov 2017 05:20

youcan

34 days is A LOT!
You're not only on the right direction, you're getting there! 34 is more than a quarter!
I have a brother that is struggling with drug addiction, I saw with him that at first when he decided to stop he fall after a short time but slowly the breaks between one fall in the other got bigger and bigger. Unfortunately, I'm still far from where you are but what I can tell you is that when I will be 34 days clean I will be super excited!
what you should do? I'm not the expert here but I would say you should do the same again, be happy that you were able to remain clean for so long & don't let a fall make you give up. 
Category: Introduce Yourself
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