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13 May 2018 15:14
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DeterminedtoWin
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Thank you all for the chizuk!
I want to share with the forum where I am holding because one of the goals of gye is to share the chizuk with others. Its also a large step in the recovery process to pass on the help and chizuk to others.
Here are a few points that I found to be helpful for me already:
1) Connecting with other people who are also normal erliche yidden and have gone through similar things is a tremendous chizuk!! I have been sitting by myself in the dark for so many years and to finally have someone to talk to that really gets it is so liberating!
2) Knowing that the urge to masturbate that builds up over the days/weeks is coming from withdrawal and will (mostly) go away once I move out of the withdrawal stage is also major chizuk. I know that if I stay strong and reach out to my sponsors/partners when I am feeling week I will eventually move past this withdrawal stage and the urges that keep growing will eventually be much less.
3) Masturbating/ejaculation is not a need!! If I distract myself with something else and let the feelings go away I will be ok.
4) Exercising is a healthy replacement addiction that provides the brain with similar chemicals as masturbating and can help reduce the withdrawal symptoms.
I hope to update the forum again at some point as I continue my journey to full recovery, be"H!
Thank you all again!!
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12 May 2018 05:15
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Serenity123
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I feel an extreme internal pressure, I am in panic, my body wants to run toward lust but a part of me knows there is a better way, it is Friday night (and shabbat) and I cannot sleep, I cannot stop but thinking of all the night clubs I used to go to, running after yet another illusion of comfort. I am suffering from feelings of isolation, loneliness and inadequacy, I feel like an outcast. At the shabbat table tonight I was not able to connect with others, I was afraid they would see through me and realize I am an addict, I was ashamed of my thoughts and forced myself to look down most of the time to avoid looking at women from fear of being "discovered". I feel terrible and I want to act out, I post here to bring it to the light and surrender it to god. I am young and have a lot things that are positive in my life. Arguably, acting out is my main issue yet I want to use it as a solution to get away from this unbearable pain. May hashem help me, I am so lonely on Friday nights I hate it. A part of me thinks all I need is the love and touch of women to miraculously heal, this is a lie as I have acted out many times and I never healed, I have emotional problems, leading to an addiction and the only way for me the heal is to first accept that there will be no relief from emotional pain until I work trough my false beliefs and feelings of inadequacy leading to turmoil and hurt feelings. I am not alone, I have a lot of people who love me, a mother that loves me and this week I received a lot of love from my brothers in the SA fellowship of recovery and healing, may hashem help me and prevent me from losing my sobriety and dignity tonight.
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11 May 2018 17:51
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lionking
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yiraishamaim wrote on 11 May 2018 16:03:
lionking wrote on 11 May 2018 13:44:
I know the topic of wet dreams has been brought up numerous times in the past, and the consensus of people is not to consider it as a fall.
I had a wet dream last night and I resetted my count ...
It is important to remember that habits formed for many years, either addictive or not, do not go away in a few days or even in 90 days. We need to keep working day in day out.
Looking forward to a great Shabbos! (and Erev Shabbos, too!)
Hatzlocha Rabba!
Git Shabbos
The idea of resetting or not resetting can be a an important question for many people. It is for me.
I strongly believe that a person when confronted with this question should consult with their sponsor/partner and think it over well.
Some times it's truly best to begin afresh. Other times you just need to still be in the game.
I understand the pro's and con's of both options.
I'm still in the game.
Thanks!
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11 May 2018 16:03
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yiraishamaim
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lionking wrote on 11 May 2018 13:44:
I know the topic of wet dreams has been brought up numerous times in the past, and the consensus of people is not to consider it as a fall.
I had a wet dream last night and I resetted my count ...
It is important to remember that habits formed for many years, either addictive or not, do not go away in a few days or even in 90 days. We need to keep working day in day out.
Looking forward to a great Shabbos! (and Erev Shabbos, too!)
Hatzlocha Rabba!
Git Shabbos
The idea of resetting or not resetting can be a an important question for many people. It is for me.
I strongly believe that a person when confronted with this question should consult with their sponsor/partner and think it over well.
Some times it's truly best to begin afresh. Other times you just need to still be in the game.
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11 May 2018 13:44
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lionking
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I know the topic of wet dreams has been brought up numerous times in the past, and the consensus of people is not to consider it as a fall.
I had a wet dream last night and I resetted my count. I have two theories why it happened. Yesterday evening, I was browsing a document\book sharing site for research. I encountered a document which was amatuer erotica. Instead of closing it right away, I ended up reading about 5 minutes. It was pretty boring and I didn't get aroused at all by it, however it perhaps had an effect subconsciously at night.
Or it is possible, since I had fallen asleep with my clothing perhaps I slept in a compromising position.
Either way it doesn't really matter. I'm not feeling down about it. Just posting to have a record to look back at.
B"H, I haven't looked at porn or actively masturbated for about a month already. I feel like I am in a much better place than last year. I just need to keep doing what works for me and not worry about anything else.
I'm posting the below, mainly as a Chazura to myself, however I have seen others also struggle with the following, so perhaps this might help them as well.
Sometimes after being clean for a short while, we wonder where is the Siyata D'Shmaya? Where is the הבא לטהר מסייעין אותו? Sometimes not only doesn't it get easier, it actually gets harder. We start questioning Hashem ח"ו, etc...
It is important to remember that habits formed for many years, either addictive or not, do not go away in a few days or even in 90 days. We need to keep working day in day out.
Looking forward to a great Shabbos! (and Erev Shabbos, too!)
Hatzlocha Rabba!
Git Shabbos
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11 May 2018 11:21
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Markz
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dms1234 wrote on 21 Jul 2017 19:54:
I am allergic to lust. I am allergic to lust. I cant control it. Nope. I want to lust like a gentleman. I want to look at all the pretty women out there. It is so enticing but im allergic. Its like poison to my body. It makes my life completely unmanageable. I yearn for it. I want lust. That is going to fill the hole inside of me, wont it? I have come to believe that no matter how many women I look at or how many times a masturbate it just doesnt fill that God hole. I have learned that nothing can fill that God hole but....God!
I have to be completely honest with my self. What are my motives? For example, i went running in a park. What was my motive to see very attractive girls in bathing suits and stare and look at them and hope to have sex with them. I am being honest. And sometimes being honest means i need to be descriptive (dont worry i wont be so descriptive on the forum) I called someone before and told them this and then i went running. I ended up finding what i wanted and i felt my body well up with lust. Its a miracle that God kept be sober. I am very grateful.
Thats one example that i have to be very honest. Another example is i was at SA convention this past weekend (who knew being in a room with 700 sick people (addicts/wives) could be so incredible) and one girl there was single, frum and attractive and i was seeing her everywhere i went (match made in heaven!). I shared to a couple people that i really wanted to marry her. One guy told me that he was speaking to an old timer and the old timer told him that he has to be really honest, what does he really want to do to her? I wasnt ready to admit it but the next day i agreed. I didnt want to marry her! I wanted to see her naked and have sex with her. Thats really what i wanted.
Rigorous, rigorous self honesty. And its not just about lust. Its about everything i do. What should i really be doing, thinking, acting like right now? What does God want me to do? Thats what i need to think about constantly. And its ok if i dont want to do something, thats fine. I just need to be honest. "I think God wants me to call my sponsor now. But i dont want to, I dont want to call him" Great. So God wants me to call my sponsor and i dont want to. So what do i do know. God, my best thinking gets me into trouble. I dont want to get into trouble. Your will is better. But i dont want to do your will. I am not willing. So what should i do. I should slow down and ask God for the willingness. God, Grant me the willingness to do your will, to call my sponsor.
So, right now, infront of all of you, I pray to God that to grant me the willingness to do your will. Your will, not mine be done.
Hey dms, I see you're back!
How are you holding up?
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10 May 2018 04:58
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Markz
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cordnoy wrote on 09 May 2018 22:38:
Hank_Moody wrote on 09 May 2018 20:39:
Hey guys!
Have anyone tried Ayahuasca or similar "magic plants" such as Iboga to cure sexual addiction?
I'm thinking of trying as everything else I've tried so far hadn't helped.
Thanks.
If anybody knows how to search old posts, I remember I was askin' about "magic powders" as well, but I wanted to slip 'em into my wife's drink, so perhaps it might by some miracle/chance increase her libido.
You suggested something for mrs chugging
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09 May 2018 22:38
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cordnoy
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Hank_Moody wrote on 09 May 2018 20:39:
Hey guys!
Have anyone tried Ayahuasca or similar "magic plants" such as Iboga to cure sexual addiction?
I'm thinking of trying as everything else I've tried so far hadn't helped.
Thanks.
If anybody knows how to search old posts, I remember I was askin' about "magic powders" as well, but I wanted to slip 'em into my wife's drink, so perhaps it might by some miracle/chance increase her libido.
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09 May 2018 21:07
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ieeyc
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Welcome! have you tried out gye?it maybe doesnt work as fast,but its fda approved with no side effects, and it never runs out ! may i ask if this thing that you are suggesting takes all desire away,because there already is a medication that does that but it is only used in very extreme cases ,like if someone is going to molest or harm someone due to his addiction.
would you like to share your difficulties with us on the forum,many have ,and have experienced a load off their heart which brought them to a roll up their sleeves to work on the urge.give it a try, there are alot of friendly people with great ideas here who are more than happy to lend an ear and idea. hatzlacha!
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09 May 2018 20:39
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Hank_Moody
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Hey guys!
Have anyone tried Ayahuasca or similar "magic plants" such as Iboga to cure sexual addiction?
I'm thinking of trying as everything else I've tried so far hadn't helped.
Thanks.
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09 May 2018 15:58
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toly
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Hi. I'm not an addict but I show some addictive patterns and behaviors.
Today I will introduce myself and why I am here.
I recognize that I am going through a stage of weakness and I need chizuk to save myself from a life of living gehinom I might slip into.
I have filters on all my devices, but I recently found by accident a couple of loopholes. I decided to test them a bit: writing a couple of words that didn't involve any females. Involving males doing nothing but nude... What could be more innocent than that... Afterwards I wanted to try another word that was a bit more graphic- also involving males not doing anything, and then I said to myself where will this lead me to? I felt a very strong attraction to continue checking it out, continue searching... Then I realized that I might fall big time...
I think that above each internet user, be it for work or anything else there is a soton waiting... waiting and laughing... he can wait 10 or 20 years and have a person use the internet totally clean... why not? he knows that at some point he can make that confident person that feels like palti ben laish* fall in a second... Its worth his wait... I have used the internet for years, with no intention or interest into looking at any ossur material, and then... something changed, I started feeling more taavah than I did in many years...
I know that couriosity is a tool of the yetzer. He tells you- you don't want to see porn, you aren't a Rosho who would do such things intentionally, you just want to test your filter, just to see if all that shmutz is available, of course that's all shmutz and horrible and you have no desire for it... but once you see it and the dopamine in your brain gets released it might be to late... You might change your whole world like odom harishon did...
A person who has never seen any graphic pornography or at least not in many years can start trembling just from seeing a close up of a naked man, feel a tshuka for more and more graphic material, who knows what his next search might be... I wanted to stay clean from any searches, from any loopholes and that's why I am here.
*palti ben laish- married Michal the daughter of shoul hamelech who was married to dovid hamelech and slept with her in the same bed and never touched her.
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08 May 2018 21:55
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aryehdovid85
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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 08 May 2018 01:30:
................. I really want to just get out of all this and save myself before it turns into any thing worse and before any serious damage is done.
I hope I am now in the right direction.
Dear Determined,
Welcome! You've come to a place of healing..... Your motivation to stop before it turns into anything worse is very compelling.
From my experience with this "mishagas" it is a "progressive" disease. For me this means that whatever actions of lust initially gave me a "hit" as time went on, it was necessary for me to engage in more risky and destructive behaviors to get my "fix".
For example, in the beginning of my lust addiction, looking at pictures online and masturbating was enough....slowly I needed to spend more and more time "acting-out" in these ways. Eventually I was calling phone sex chatlines (free trial) just to reach the same level of "excitement and stimulation" Then came exchanging telephone numbers with strangers for the purpose of phone sex. Then, that was not enough to satisfy me and I started secretly using my wife's computer to watch porn when I was home alone. I was even beginning to use her computer when my wife and children were home in the other room and could have easily caught me in the act. Chasdei Hashem ,that I was protected from this embarrassment. Mega Chasdei Hashem that I finally found a SA sponsor who shared his experience.strength and hope with me and gave me the strength to surrender the option of lusting one day at a time for the past 60 plus days.
So,brother,you have arrived at a crossroads and critical realization.... that it only gets more risky and destructive...... and now is the time to save yourself from a life of misery. May Hashem grant you much Bracha V'Hatzlocha on your journey to recovery!
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08 May 2018 06:52
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FortheloveofTorah
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A few ideas come to mind. I'll write them down briefly, but if anyone wishes I'll gladly expand them, upon request.
1. Satan achareinu
2. Heisech Hadaas-bittul-netinas makom
3. Man born with a hammer
1. We say in the Maariv prayer "masir Satan milfaneinu umeAchareinu"
"...Remove the Satan from before us, and from behind us." This can be understood to mean: first of all, we pray that we won't be approached by him in a challenge ("before us")—or at least that we should withstand the challenge while it is still before us.
UmeAchareinu: But even AFTER we have failed the challenge, may we not fall pray to him, when he still tries to get us down.
2. Chassidus discusses various levels of bittul, but really focuses on the second of two general levels: bittul yesh and bittul metziyus.
Bittul Yesh (BY) = I remain me as I was, but I suppress it for the sake of some other purpose (i.e. hiskafya; 12 step programs—I remain an addict but keep away from unwanted things; mussar—working on middos etc, meaning I am a metziyus who is working on middos.).
Bittul Metsius (BM) = I connect to something higher than me, and am inspired by it to the point of leaving my previous position in desire for it. (For this, one needs to REALLY learn Chassidus; the kind of learning a Brisker would exercise when learning Gemara, questions, pilpul and all!) Hesech Hadaas from this issue = reconnecting/rewiring (daas = connection) to something else.
3. Another nice thought I recall: a man is created with a shoe in hand...comes to the conclusion that he must be a cobbler. A man... with scissors...goes to become a barber. Born with anger... "I'm a terrible person!" ?!?!
If G-d gave you something it's because it was intended that way, for you to fix and elevate. This generation apparently has a duty to fix the lust problems of all previous generations, to prepare the way for Mashiach. So let's do it!
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08 May 2018 04:39
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Louis4sameach
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BH now is day six, unfortunately I had a dirty dream last night and its really upsetting but not a wet dream.
This almost week has been great I feel much more productive and connected, the weather last week was really beautiful and I was able to spend time outside without all the guilt.
I am addicted to porn and now with all of your help I am going through the motions of recovery. I usually watched on my phone. I started many years ago when I was like 10/11 on our home computer.
Worst time is in bed at night so now I participate in GYE before I go to sleep and all of you strong people give me chizuk.
My best friend got married last night and I feel that already my experiences are becoming more enjoyable as my brain is weaned off of porn.
I would also watch in the bathroom and sometimes during the day while at home alone, in secular college.
To Answer MARKZ I think that if filters are not enough than consider a kosher phone or a flip phone even for a few days can help. try to change your schedule. When I first started university I didnt masturbate for a because I had a room mate then I went home and started again when I got back I would wait for him to go to sleep or sit in the semipublic restroom late at night. That was a year and a half ago how time flies.
Most important do not give up that is the mission of the satan, he wins when you give up. Just because it didnt work yesterday doesnt mean you cant push harder today. Invite a friend to sleep over or better yet get invited out, at other people's houses, unfamiliar surroundings I hardly ever any improper thoughts nevermind thoughts of porn and masturbation.
If anyone has issues with word usage please let me know, I do not like those words but sometimes I feel they are necessary, they make me uncomfortable and dredge up bad feelings but I do not know the proper replacements yet.
Thank you and good luck!
bSHEM Hashem na'asseh venatsliach
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08 May 2018 03:40
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grateful4life
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Hi there
I commend you for your courage and taking the time to post your struggles.
The short chizuk message is that there IS hope! Many people here have been able to stop this awful addiction/habit and live a clean, happy and free life.
Keep coming back to the forums, connect with others on the chat and continue posting your challenges. This is not an easy struggle so it does require being pro-active and vigilant on an ongoing daily basis but with Hashem's help you will be able to live free and clear of this obsession.
Hatzlacha Rabba!
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