Hey everybody!

I am relatively new to GYE and have been wandering around the site aimlessly for a little while trying to sort it all out. I am looking for some guidance and was directed to this forum to get on board and begin the process of working with the rest of you out here to get the help I need.

A little about me...

I am married for around five years with two kids and have been struggling with porn and masturbation issues since before my bar mitzvah.  I have had my tekufos and now I am currently trying to take some deeper action (GYE) to really break free from my struggles. I currently have a decent filter which protects me from the worst stuff but I still keep falling into these lows where I sit and search for whatever I can get ahold of. I can stay clean for a few weeks (maybe) and then I fall back into it and can not stay clean (especially with masturbating) for an extended period of time. I really want to just get out of all this and save myself before it turns into any thing worse and before any serious damage is done. 
I hope I am now in the right direction.
Thanks in advance for all your chizuk!

Hi there

I commend you for your courage and taking the time to post your struggles.
The short chizuk message is that there IS hope! Many people here have been able to stop this awful addiction/habit and live a clean, happy and free life.
Keep coming back to the forums, connect with others on the chat and continue posting your challenges. This is not an easy struggle so it does require being pro-active and vigilant on an ongoing daily basis but with Hashem's help you will be able to live free and clear of this obsession.
Hatzlacha Rabba!

welcome !
                                                                                                                                 
you are certainly in the right direction ! the people on this forum do one direction  - UP !

check out the handbook if you havent already

Good luck ! 

Welcome. Stay connected and iyh you will break free. What worked for me was the connection with real people - normal, frum, etc who had gone through the issues successfully and offered their help.

Thank you all!
It definitely feels good to come out and start getting involved with "real" people. I guess my next stop is at the other forums.
See you over there...
(Ill still be checking in here for other welcomes though. Its a great way to start off.)

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 08 May 2018 01:30:

Dear Determined,
Welcome! You've come to a place of healing.....Your motivation to stop before it turns into anything worse is very compelling.
From my experience  with this "mishagas" it is a "progressive" disease. For me this means that whatever actions of lust initially gave me a "hit" as time went on, it was necessary for me to engage in  more risky and destructive behaviors to get my "fix".
For example, in the beginning of my lust addiction, looking at pictures online and masturbating was enough....slowly I needed to spend more and more time "acting-out" in these ways. Eventually I was calling phone sex chatlines (free trial) just to reach the same level of "excitement and stimulation" Then came exchanging telephone numbers with strangers for the purpose of phone sex. Then, that was not enough to satisfy me and I started secretly using my wife's computer to watch porn when I was home alone. I was even beginning to use her computer when my wife and children were home in the other room and could have easily caught me in the act. Chasdei Hashem ,that I was protected from this embarrassment. Mega Chasdei Hashem that I finally  found a  SA sponsor who shared his experience.strength and hope with me and gave me the strength to surrender the option of lusting one day at a time for the past 60 plus days.

So,brother,you have arrived at a crossroads and critical realization.... that it only gets more risky and destructive...... and now is the time to save yourself from a life of misery. May Hashem grant you much  Bracha V'Hatzlocha on your journey to recovery!

Thanks again!
I'm getting a little bit more involved and familiar with the system but I still feel like Im running around in circles and spending more time then I have (yes, I know what your thinking this isn't the only site I've had this problem with ) trying to connect.
Is anyone available to be my sponsor/partner so I can have someone specifically to "hold hands with" as I embark on this journey?

Welcome 

There is a GYE partner program above under tools
Not saying this is what you should do, just saying it's there.
The SA program includes having a sponsor, and partners are easy to find there.
Not saying it's for you, just saying it's there.

Hope you find your way around. Running around in circles doesn't sound like to much fun. 

Yes! Thank you!
I started reaching out to people and forming a shaychus with a couple people as sponsors/partners. Going through this together with someone else who is also normal, erlich, and also went through it themselves, is a world of a difference! I finally see light at the end of the tunnel after all these years sitting by myself in the darkness!
Hoidu lashem ki tov!!!

Great. 
Good luck. 
Seems like your not dizzy any more 

Hi there Determined,
I am new here as well and also kind of browsing around trying to see how this all works.
Hopefully this site is the answer.

Would be interested in partnering up if you are interested

Welcome!  Check out the handbook.  See what works for you.  Keep posting here. 

Welcome! Keep posting! Hatzlocho!