sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 23:01:
i am not sure what u mean (why dont we pm instead of on the public forum i will be able to be mo explicit)
I saw that you sent me a pm around 4 am. Sorry I wasn't online then.
Maybe I should explain something: I am mildly bipolar and I have the ability to see a huge problem as a small one, so I probably can't totally sympathize with you properly. I acknowledged my
addiction years ago and I have difficulty remembering how much pain that is. But for the same reason I also zero in on the things that really matter in hours instead of weeks. Therefore you have already provided me with the important information.
I think surrender, a.k.a. the acceptance paradox, a.k.a. giving it up to G-d, could (but is not certain to) help you remove the desire to look or think about the male anatomy, in every day to day setting.
I will attempt to explain what surrender is, to persuade you that the time to try it out is well spent. When you desire something which puts you beyond the community of decent people as you understand it, you may decide you basically don't deserve to live. This is what causes irresistible desires. You think it's irresistible because in your belief system your brain can't exist with those desires, hence the desire must not be your choice.) Surrender is a physical behavior that prevents your brain from making that deduction. You still hold the same moral standard (desiring X means I don't deserve to live ...) but you give yourself a one-time pass.
To actually surrender you might whisper "Hashem, please take that away [ the man's anatomy ] because I can't do it."
I think cordnoy or Dov may have other spins on that.
If you want to rant to me on the phone I can make myself available for that, but this post is basically my first feedback to you based on the very meaningful information you already provided.