tthat may be the point Dov says that it is not adult or mature content it's immature. we addicts are ill adjusted to life 

It has worked for many on this site and it also has not worked for many.

You might need a lot of persistence and strength and perhaps a lower level of addiction. Who knows?

Godspeed and welcome

sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 23:01:

I saw that you sent me a pm around 4 am. Sorry I wasn't online then.

Maybe I should explain something: I am mildly bipolar and I have the ability to see a huge problem as a small one, so I probably can't totally sympathize with you properly. I acknowledged my addiction years ago and I have difficulty remembering how much pain that is. But for the same reason I also zero in on the things that really matter in hours instead of weeks. Therefore you have already provided me with the important information.

I think surrender, a.k.a. the acceptance paradox, a.k.a. giving it up to G-d, could (but is not certain to) help you remove the desire to look or think about the male anatomy, in every day to day setting.

I will attempt to explain what surrender is, to persuade you that the time to try it out is well spent. When you desire something which puts you beyond the community of decent people as you understand it, you may decide you basically don't deserve to live. This is what causes irresistible desires. You think it's irresistible because in your belief system your brain can't exist with those desires, hence the desire must not be your choice.) Surrender is a physical behavior that prevents your brain from making that deduction. You still hold the same moral standard (desiring X means I don't deserve to live ...) but you give yourself a one-time pass.

To actually surrender you might whisper "Hashem, please take that away [ the man's anatomy ] because I can't do it."

I think cordnoy or Dov may have other spins on that.

If you want to rant to me on the phone I can make myself available for that, but this post is basically my first feedback to you based on the very meaningful information you already provided.

i found the analasis of mzl healthy obviously without going into gory detail .it helped me to feel no longer alone . i have a proper filter on my home pc but when i fell last month i bought a cheap tablet and then threw it away . any ideas how to stop that sort of fall .
the other part of this addiction has caused me to hang around in town very late at night causing damage to the next day etc there are obviously many inappropriate sights and later i cannot understand how i could have overlooked how wrong it is for me to even have gone to such places

i have a rare addiction to  voyeurism it is to watch people urinate have you any advice

Hashem Help Me wrote on 27 Aug 2018 12:03:

That would be wonderful if it works. I'm concerned about what's going to happen after he gets married. But I'm an addict, maybe he can just get over this and move on forever, like you said.

Jman356 wrote on 24 Aug 2018 14:11:

His parents are in charge at home. They make the rules that everyone is going to follow there. I'm not even sure Hashem can hold it against him if he uses his sister's phone and masturbates to porn. Like other frum kids he was sheltered to the Nth degree, and now he found an area where he is not sheltered and he is a sitting duck. If he's like other kids he was largely motivated to grow up frum by ego, and ego doesn't stand a chance against pornography.

It's up to his Rebbe but basically the only way to help him is to summon his parents and tell them that he was caught masturbating to porn. Then they'll have to read the writing on the wall and do what needs to be done.

This probably sounds too harsh and direct but I'm a bit of a sociopath.

Another option is for him to use some of the well known tools, such as surrender, calling other addicts, etc.

meir123 wrote on 26 Aug 2018 18:28:

Welcome back old friend,

Godspeed to youI this time around.

Hi all, I've been off and on GYE for close to 10 years but I don't think I've ever introduced myself although I previously had a different user name. At age 11 or 12 I found masturbation and when my naive parents got the net at about the same period (maybe a year later) I began to search for porn. This obviously took a massive boost when they upgraded to DSL a while after that and the trap basically had me totally subservient throughout teen years into adulthood. At it's worst I appeared massively "depressed" but it was all just side effects of this issue. My parents searched hi and low for answers to help me but of course this was all my dark secret until at some point I divulged some of it to a rebbi I sought advice from. Unfortunately, he was a little in the clouds as his solution was only to learn some of the relevant sugyas. He gave me photocopies from some sefarim, but this went nowhere. And having not had the courage to go back to him, I continued stuck. Thank Gd, in my throes of depression, someone took me to another Rav for advice and upon hearing what I had to say set me up with an addiction therapist. BH I finally had a breakthrough and felt that I was free. Of course I wasn't really but it's been a lot better since that time over 10 years ago. BH I was able to get married and have a few kids. My wife knows because I was open with her after I had gotten back into a rut during our first couple of years. The problem is that it comes and goes without me fully doing what I have to do to finally tackle the problem once and for all.... 

I'm probably just overwhelmed with life to really make an effort. Maybe it's the addiction not wanting to be eradicated. Maybe I'm just apprehensive to take further steps? All I know is my life is moving on and not as productive as it could be... I hope to finally get more active on these pages and into solutions. Thanks for reading my shpiel. 

laughingman wrote on 25 Aug 2018 22:24:

II am so excited to hear this. This positive post of yours is worth tons! Continued hatzlachah.

Godspeed to you!

Realestatemogul wrote on 22 Aug 2018 04:27:

You pose a good question and I'm sure you're not alone on that so I'd like to take this opportunity to address it publicly.
To that question I ask, where did all of you find the time to act out for so many hours for so many years.....?? 
I try to make my program of recovery measure for measure. If I went to all lengths in order to act out then I will do that for my recovery as well. 

Putting that sentiment aside, recovery is about slow and steady improvement. Recovery is not a quick weight-loss program, it's a lifestyle change of living more spiritual and healthy ODAAT and growing more and more over time.  As long as your program of recovery is improving steadily you're on the right path.

As far as putting recovery before family... just like on any given day I will not have energy to do my job and get through the day unless I have a healthy breakfast so too I can not be there emotionally for my family if my recovery is at risk. I get a 24hr reprieve from my addiction when I take my spiritual medicine and work my program ODAAT.  

May Hashem give you the strength to always put Him and recovery first.

So after all this time me and my wife have in a way  become closer than ever 

and it turns out my problems stem from a different maturity problem than an addiction problem.....also more of a selfishness control issue 

now I don't feel cured in any way 

I just feel I gave more handle on my problems 

I still have difficulty with waiting for my wife to cleanse of nidda before resuming relations 

hopefully i will figure out that too

looking forward to hearing your insights

Wow this is truly inspiring!
It sounds like you send 2-3 hours everyday working on being in a good place so you are able to conquer your addiction? What happens if you aren't able to do that much? Also did you say the program comes before family etc?

How anonymous is anonymous?

the.guard wrote on 19 Dec 2009 20:03: