meir123 wrote on 26 Aug 2018 18:28:
Hi all, I've been off and on GYE for close to 10 years but I don't think I've ever introduced myself although I previously had a different user name. At age 11 or 12 I found masturbation and when my naive parents got the net at about the same period (maybe a year later) I began to search for porn. This obviously took a massive boost when they upgraded to DSL a while after that and the trap basically had me totally subservient throughout teen years into adulthood. At it's worst I appeared massively "depressed" but it was all just side effects of this issue. My parents searched hi and low for answers to help me but of course this was all my dark secret until at some point I divulged some of it to a rebbi I sought advice from. Unfortunately, he was a little in the clouds as his solution was only to learn some of the relevant sugyas. He gave me photocopies from some sefarim, but this went nowhere. And having not had the courage to go back to him, I continued stuck. Thank Gd, in my throes of depression, someone took me to another Rav for advice and upon hearing what I had to say set me up with an addiction therapist. BH I finally had a breakthrough and felt that I was free. Of course I wasn't really but it's been a lot better since that time over 10 years ago. BH I was able to get married and have a few kids. My wife knows because I was open with her after I had gotten back into a rut during our first couple of years. The problem is that it comes and goes without me fully doing what I have to do to finally tackle the problem once and for all....
I'm probably just overwhelmed with life to really make an effort. Maybe it's the addiction not wanting to be eradicated. Maybe I'm just apprehensive to take further steps? All I know is my life is moving on and not as productive as it could be... I hope to finally get more active on these pages and into solutions. Thanks for reading my shpiel.
Welcome back old friend,
Godspeed to youI this time around.
Warning: Spoiler!
