2626 wrote on 11 Jul 2019 08:43:

WElcome. It should be with hatzlocha. Stay connected. Keep posting. Iyh everyone here will help you get out of this mess.

Hi guys I’m 19 and I’m a Bachur in Yeshiva learning, and yes I’m addicted to porn, and this is my first day on gye and hopefully b”h I get the help I need to get rid of this yestzer hara of mine and all the shtusim I’m doing every day or night! It’s very hard even thought my few devices are filtered, but you know how it goes the second I have something unfiltered or I find a hack or something I’m right back to it!

Welcome!

Chronic User, Addiction... listen, if what you're doing works, then do it!
The things you describe sound good. Exercise is always good. I love it. Just make sure it doesn't just become a 'distraction', because I can only be distracted for so long, you know

Hi everyone. I am in my upper 20s and single and have been dealing with acting out for as long as I can remember. Although I really want to stop and have tried to on my own with filters etc. i have never been able to stop longer than 2.5 weeks. And that was a huge accomplishment. 

I keep telling myself I’ll stop I’ll stop and I get new inspiration all the time and then I just fall again. I need help and I can’t do this alone. I finally had the guts to call Michael from PA to discuss and he said I’m a chronic user but it’s not an addiction per se. he suggested I use this forum. 

My my main issues/triggers are watching movies/tv and simply being bored. When I am bored it gets in my head and then I’ll fight it for anywhere from 10-40 minutes but I eventually cave. If I have a good filter I find a way- and sometimes it’s minimal what turns me on. 

I have decided to stop watching tv for 2 weeks to kickstart and we will see where that goes after. I have tried this before but it is always so hard because on my free time when I would usually watch something  I don’t know what to do. I am going to Workout at night to try and occupy. 

also, does anyone advise the Taphsic method? Ideas for that?

i secretly and truly think that HaShem has kept me single all these years because he wants to see me break this horrible yetzer hara before to see me overcome this. It’s just what I tell myself. I want to be free so bad and I really am willing to put in the effort and time- I just need help. I do feel very alone in this and am too embarrassed to talk about it with ppl that know me.

Inspired wrote on 05 Jul 2019 18:47:

Hello Inspired.

I love your first post and attitude. You remind me of me four years ago ps I am 28.

I am extremely practical-based as well. It's not just you! I'd learn ten daf chazorah a day. And have all these calculations. Not to mention I'd act out profusely and darker ever more, too!

What accomplishment is ever really going to satisfy that desire for accomplishment? I see you've already identified that as well.

How do you start thinking that way? I'm not sure. Either through lots of trial and error (which could be up to 120!) or submission of the truth about ourselves. How did I start? By breaking my ego progressively, because if I'm not so inflated then I don't have to keep accomplishing to produce that helium, you know.

I am sober one day at a time because I am slowly recognizing God as my best friend. He keeps me sane each day, and each day I experience untold gifts in life I otherwise would never have even been aware of. And for that I am grateful. To top it off, I believe I am "accomplishing" more now than what I was before. Even if I don't learn at all in a day!

I admit it's not easy, for a perfectionist. But that life was hurting a little too much for me.

I hope this rant helps a little and I wish you much hatzlocha on your path.

Markz and David26fr,

I am amazed at the wisdom you are giving me.

Here's my skepticism...I am concerned that I will always be that "dry addict". I am more practical-based and I judge myself on my accomplishments. I think I have a very negative perception of myself because I don't think I've accomplished anything substantial in life (maybe) or because I don't think I am actualizing my potential. I tell myself that if I exercise every day or learn four hours a day b'hasmadah or do that chesed or treat my wife such and such then I will be happy with myself. But I know that isn't true. I am stuck in this thinking.
I want to think like the two of you because the emes is so clear.

Any advice?

Thank you Achim!

Welcome

You recognized that this isn't just another nisayon : it's a big first step !

Just 2 points :
- Don't make the 90 days like an absolute objective, I agree Markz on this point. Making objectives could be a good thing, but could also make the things worse (depression if you fail to accomplish them, stress, etc...)
You have to make efforts to your sobriety, each time by each time. One day at a time.
Your objective is to manage the moment, make a program, and the rest is in Hachem's hands....
Perhaps you will make it to 90 days, perhaps not. But this is not important. 
- Why this is not important ? This is the second point...
 Because sobriety is not just about "I mustn't fall". It's rather to work on yourself and to CHANGE your way of life. You can be sober for 100 or 200 or 300 days, but if you don't have a deep and serious change in yourself, you could become a "dry addict" : you think you are sober, but you are not, and there is an high risk of relapse...
You have to identify what are the triggers that make you fall. Why do you fall. Because this addiction is just a symptom... But the real disease is in another place. It could be unsatisfaction, stress, or whatever.
And the real work is here.

For my example, I am very sensitive to stress, it's a big trigger to me. And when I am working on my stress (with meditation, positive thinking, musar...), I clearly see that I have less and less falls. And if I stop my program... well, there will be some consequences

Behatsla'ha !

Hello everyone,

It's been a very long time since I've posted or even looked at the forums. The time has come that I've decided I must get involved again if I want to really break free from the addictive and destructive behaviors that keep returning no matter how much better I think (or wish) I am doing. 

I joined the GYE program almost a year and a half ago and have grown tremendously from it. I was zoiche to experience the taste of freedom with a streak ending in the 150's. However, once I broke my streak a bunch of months ago it has been off and on ever since. I think that I've been telling myself, "Look, now I know that I can stay clean if I want to and that this doesn't count. I will go back to leaving it all behind one day again, but for now just this once." I still tried to stay clean but would keep falling every few weeks and began to care less and less, always telling myself that I can get clean again and that one day I'll go back to it for real. I've been suffering from a serious case of doing these things so often "na'asa lo k'heter".

I'm not sure what clicked, but now I finally decided that I want to go back to it for real. I very much want to go back to really making it happen and working hard on getting and staying clean for good. I know that when I was involved on the forums it was much easier. I didn't feel as alone. Yes, I do have a partner and a sponsor but I have been feeling too ashamed to give them the full picture of where things are holding (now you know ) and I've come to realize that at the end of the day, "ein hadavar talui elah be." 

The problem is that life is so busy and it's not easy to find the time. I am now determined to find the time at least once a week or every other week to visit the forums and get involved again. Also, now that I am being more open with my partner and sponsor it can be easier to stay more in touch with them. It's not easy to admit that I haven't managed to really stop these behaviors but I think it's worth the embarrassment. I also feel bad and hope that I'm not making them meshuga with all my updates and check ins. Life is busy for all of us.

Bottom line - I hereby am reigniting my determination to get clean and be"H will be zoiche to kick the destructive habits once and for all!!

Thank you all for being there,
Determinedtowin

I'm doing well B"H. Trying to be of service when Hashem presents me with the opportunity. I was on Dov's call on Sunday and speak with him regularly - mostly with voice notes. I see him once or twice a year. He's a big blessing to the frum recovery world.

Concerning the topic here, Dov brings down a vort about how we ask for forgiveness for avanos rishonim or something like that. I forget. The question is what about the sin we just did? Why are we asking about ancient history? I think the answer was that with those early sins we still had the total choice but eventually they became habit (or maybe even addiction) so the early sins are harder to forgiven on.

jerusalemsexaddict wrote on 21 Sep 2009 18:08:

Dov wrote on 27 Jun 2019 21:42:

#1 It is my interest, I do like a good discussion, however I do prefer if... (See number 2)

#2 The answer/explanation will not just be theoretical in nature ( this is an addict, this is not an addict...) But rather of practical ideas and thoughts what to do if one is one or other. 

Dov wrote on 27 Jun 2019 21:42:


#1. That’s not my interest. 
#2. No I’m not actively working on myself. I’m in a good place these past weeks, but not fully. Unmanageable life is what I feel often almost at the brink of, although BH generally I’m able to keep the distance.

People are different. 
Some are addicts some aren’t but there’s a broad line in between. 

Before you join the soup, remember that there’s a whole variety of soup being offered. Chicken soup, vegetable soup etc etc

Dov wrote on 27 Jun 2019 21:42:

I like knaidle, lokshen and porogen.
But i love Dov

Dov wrote on 27 Jun 2019 21:42:

I certainly do not belong to the former; perhaps, by some mistake, I can be included in the latter.

Before I join the soup here:

Is this entire discussion mainly drushos l'hagdil Torah like discussing ben sorer umoreh (which may be a great mitzvah)...anybody willing to openly admit if this is their interest here, please?

...or is there anybody here who will come forward and admit that they are actually trying to better apply these ideas to work with an addict/themselves?

Thanks for your openness and honesty, either way.