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Once and for all
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TOPIC: Once and for all 992 Views

Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 01:09 #342160

  • Onceandforall
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Hi everyone. I am in my upper 20s and single and have been dealing with acting out for as long as I can remember. Although I really want to stop and have tried to on my own with filters etc. i have never been able to stop longer than 2.5 weeks. And that was a huge accomplishment. 

I keep telling myself I’ll stop I’ll stop and I get new inspiration all the time and then I just fall again. I need help and I can’t do this alone. I finally had the guts to call Michael from PA to discuss and he said I’m a chronic user but it’s not an addiction per se. he suggested I use this forum. 

My my main issues/triggers are watching movies/tv and simply being bored. When I am bored it gets in my head and then I’ll fight it for anywhere from 10-40 minutes but I eventually cave. If I have a good filter I find a way- and sometimes it’s minimal what turns me on. 

I have decided to stop watching tv for 2 weeks to kickstart and we will see where that goes after. I have tried this before but it is always so hard because on my free time when I would usually watch something  I don’t know what to do. I am going to Workout at night to try and occupy. 

also, does anyone advise the Taphsic method? Ideas for that?

i secretly and truly think that HaShem has kept me single all these years because he wants to see me break this horrible yetzer hara before to see me overcome this. It’s just what I tell myself. I want to be free so bad and I really am willing to put in the effort and time- I just need help. I do feel very alone in this and am too embarrassed to talk about it with ppl that know me.

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 02:31 #342161

  • Jon86
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Hi
once and... this is actually me introducing myself to GYE so thanks for that!
i would describe myself as ‘light user’ too. However I am now married with kids and acting out makes my life pretty unmanageable. I am clean for close to a month now and am using the tafsic method and the 90 day chart. I made a shvuah for a month to give a significant amount of $ to tzedakah if i act out b4 I say some tehilim or treadmill for 15 min. If I act out after one of those I can give less. The idea is that it provides a double deterrent to the acting out. I have also been avoiding watching videos when I work out and instead listen to upbeat Jewish music. I hope that this was helpful. 

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 09:01 #342168

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Welcome!

Chronic User, Addiction... listen, if what you're doing works, then do it!
The things you describe sound good. Exercise is always good. I love it. Just make sure it doesn't just become a 'distraction', because I can only be distracted for so long, you know
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
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Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 10:56 #342171

  • Onceandforall
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Hi thanks for reaching out. I’m going to think about a good tafsic method and do it. 

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 10:58 #342172

  • Onceandforall
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Singularity: I’m not sure what you mean... are you saying that exercising is not dealing with the issue head on and rather just a distraction? 

Isnt anything we do during free time a distraction? 

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 11:03 #342173

  • Onceandforall
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Thanks to everyone that responded both public and private messages. 

 of the advice I received was to post regularly on gye. I decided I will hopefully post in the morning commute in to work (and map out my day) and evening (where the real attack plan is needed)  and hopefully it will help me avoid pitfalls by discussing it first. 

I think im going to move my posts to the 90 day forum. 

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 13:26 #342179

  • Dave M
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Onceandforall wrote on 09 Jul 2019 01:09:

I have decided to stop watching tv for 2 weeks to kickstart and we will see where that goes after. I have tried this before but it is always so hard because on my free time when I would usually watch something  I don’t know what to do. I am going to Workout at night to try and occupy. 

also, does anyone advise the Taphsic method? Ideas for that?

i secretly and truly think that HaShem has kept me single all these years because he wants to see me break this horrible yetzer hara before to see me overcome this. It’s just what I tell myself. I want to be free so bad and I really am willing to put in the effort and time- I just need help. I do feel very alone in this and am too embarrassed to talk about it with ppl that know me.

That's a great idea to try to wean yourself off TV/movies.  Those can be big triggers.  It's an interesting perspective on why you may still be single.  We don't know how Hashem works, but as someone who is married, the nisyon becomes much harder, complicated, and difficult to deal with once you are married with kids.  I commend you for trying to kick this habit while you are single. Hazlacha!

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 20:52 #342188

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Welcome. Staying connected with the chevra here is very helpful. It is what saved me b'ezras Hashem. Exercise was also very helpful. As an aside and lease excuse my blunt approach - watching movies and television besides very often being a kiyum of "lo sasuru acharei einechem" in and of themselves, they definitely are poison for a beginner and will trigger to look for worse content and all that comes along with it.
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Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 23:29 #342194

  • Onceandforall
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Thank you. I agree with you about movies/tv. But how do I fill my time?? Especially on weekends or days when I have more time with nothjng to do?

Re: Once and for all 09 Jul 2019 23:44 #342195

  • ColinColin
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Filling your time?

- Exercise and walking
- Reading
- Studying
- Davening
- Housework
- Visiting relatives
- Meeting friends
- Evening classes
- Join a special interest group which has activities and lectures
- Painting
- Learn a musical instrument
- Charity work
- Volunteer in a hospital/care home

Re: Once and for all 11 Jul 2019 13:16 #342224

  • Onceandforall
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Thanks for the list. A big one that isn’t on your list is learning! I know it a a big one for me and without watching it makes me go learn more. 

My my question is really more for the times when you are just sitting around and don’t have occupied time with anything on that list. Sometimes u just need to relax - and when you have always turned  to tv to fill that outlet/void - what is comparable to just veg out and is clean? 
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