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22 Jan 2020 13:59
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DavidT
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Fightingaddictionnow wrote on 22 Jan 2020 12:04:
Hi everyone!
First joined gye 6 years ago. Had my ups and downs, then broke free and had a really good year+ of staying clean! Been a slippery slope for a while now and got back in a rut.
I've resolved to stop again and I've logged back on here to get some chizuk, read some of my own advice I wrote years ago, and track my journey. It's been about a month but I didn't make an exact note of my first clean day, so I've put the beginning of the calendar year as my start. Almost a third of the way to 90 days!
Starting this thread to keep track, feel free to drop a comment with some chizuk or advice! Thanks gye for being here - let's do this together!
One piece of advice: you can only get to 90, one day at a time
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22 Jan 2020 12:27
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MenachemGYE
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Some additional thoughts -- בבחינת יגדיל תורה ויאדיר.
In this week's Parsha Moshe Rabbeinu tells Pharaoh,
שמות פרק ח פסוק כג
דֶּרֶךְ שְׁלֹשֶׁת יָמִים נֵלֵךְ בַּמִּדְבָּר וְזָבַחְנוּ לַה' אֱלֹקינוּ כַּאֲשֶׁר יֹאמַר אֵלֵינוּ: Why 3 days? The Alshich in Parshas Shemos explains:
אלשיך שמות פרק ג פסוקים כ-כא
ונבא אל הענין, אמר הנה אני מצוה, לאמר, נלכה נא דרך שלשת ימים, כמפייס אותם לומר שישובו אחרי כן. ואני ידעתי שעם אמור שישובו, לא יתן אתכם מלך מצרים להלוך: ואל תאמר, כיון שאפילו באמור שישובו לא יתן להלוך, יותר טוב היה שלא לדבר כמפייס, רק ביד חזקה, לדבר בכח שלא לחזור לעולם. לזה אמר, הנה שני טעמים בדבר. אחד, כי מה שתדבר כה, ולא ביד חזקה לאמר שלחם על כרחך לעד לעולם, הלא הוא, כי הנה אם הייתי אומר ישלחם בהחלט בחוזק יד על כרחו, לא יתכן. כי הלא אני מעותד, כי ושלחתי את ידי והכיתי את מצרים וכו'. ועל כן, אם הייתי אומר שישלח לעולם, ביד חזקה, לא היתה אשמת סרבו כדאי לכל המכות, כי לא יפלא שימאן להפסיד ששים רבוא עבדים כאחד לעולם. על כן אמרתי דרך זה, שעל כן בסרבו ראוי להכותו מכות גדולות, להודיע את ידי וגבורתי לישראל. In other words, it would be impossible to expect Pharaoh to agree to free the Yidden for the long term, however a 3 day goal would be reasonable even for him! 
On the other hand, we find in Hilchos Nezirus that the minimum amount of days for a Nazir is 30.
The Rambam writes elsewhere that about someone who becomes a Nazir to deal with impulsive/addictive drinking of alcohol:
רמב"ם הלכות נדרים פרק יג הלכה כג
מי שנדר נדרים כדי לכונן דעותיו ולתקן מעשיו הרי זה זריז ומשובח, כיצד כגון מי שהיה זולל ואסר עליו הבשר שנה או שתים, או מי שהיה שוגה ביין ואסר היין על עצמו זמן מרובה, או אסר השכרות לעולם, וכן מי שהיה רודף שלמונים ונבהל להון ואסר על עצמו המתנות או הניית אנשי מדינה זו, וכן מי שהיה מתגאה ביופיו ונדר בנזיר וכיוצא בנדרים אלו, כולן דרך עבודה לשם הם ובנדרים אלו וכיוצא בהן אמרו חכמים נדרים סייג לפרישות.
מורה נבוכים חלק ג פרק מח
וטעם נזירות מבואר מאד, והוא הפרישות מן היין אשר הפסיד מן הראשונים והאחרונים רבים ועצומים כל הרוגיו וגם אלה ביין שגו, ובא מדין הנזירות מה שתראה מאיסור כל אשר יעשה מגפן היין, להרחקה יתירה עד שיספיק לאדם ממנו הדבר הצריך, כי הנשמר ממנו נקרא קדוש, והושם במדרגת כהן גדול בקדושה, עד שלא יטמא אפילו לאביו ולאמו כמוהו, זאת הגדולה מפני שפירש מן היין: And although the example in this halacha is a long term commitment, the minimum goal is 30 days:
רמב"ם הלכות נזירות פרק ג הלכה א-ב
סתם נזירות שלשים יום, כיצד מי שאמר הריני נזיר אין פחות משלשים יום, ואפילו אמר הריני נזיר נזירות גדולה עד מאד הרבה הרי זה נזיר שלשים יום, שהרי לא פירש זמן.
פירש זמן פחות משלשים כגון שאמר הריני נזיר יום אחד או עשרה ימים או עשרים יום הרי זה נזיר שלשים יום שאין נזירות פחותה משלשים יום, ודבר זה הלכה מפי הקבלה. There's a lot we can learn from the way the Torah deals with a Nazir, for example, avoiding triggers:
מסכת שבת יג, א
אמר עולא אפילו שום קורבה [בעריות] אסור משום לך לך אמרי נזירא סחור סחור לכרמא לא תקרב And here we see that the amount of time needed for an initial goal is 30 days of abstinence, even if the end goal is moderation.
It's fascinating that some experts today also suggest setting a 30 day goal when dealing with addiction:
- Most famous is the Moderation Management program which as its name suggest is not a program for sobriety, but they still suggest starting with an initial period of 30 days of no drinking at all, to get started (See Moderation Management Ch. 5)
- Dr. Gerald Connors, in Substance Abuse Treatment and the Stages of Change, suggest an initial 30 day period of abstinence.
But as usual, the Torah is way ahead.
So why did Pharaoh get only a 3 day goal? Maybe because he was a heavy addict (כבד לב פרעה)... and he needed a special individualized program
During the Shovavim, let's resolve the beat our inner Pharaoh and break free!  Warning: Spoiler!P.S. The Rambam gives different examples of goals for dieting vs. alcoholism. The goal for a diet is 1-2 years, but for alcoholism it is a "long time" (זמן מרובה) or for the "long term" (לעולם). Interesting! Maybe it's because alcohol is more addictive than food. I wonder if any meforshim talk about it. Anyone with a Rambam Frankel?
בפירוש "מפעל משנה תורה" העיר בשם הרב קאפח: ויש לדייק מדברי הרמב"ם את קושי הגמילה: אפשר להיגמל מתאוות האכילה תוך "שנה או שנתיים" ולאכול בשר כרגיל, ומסכנת השתייה רק אחר "זמן מרובה", ואילו מן השכרות וההתמכרות לשתיים משקאות חריפים ראויה להיות "לעולם"
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22 Jan 2020 05:17
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Hakolhevel
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cordnoy wrote on 21 Jan 2020 06:00:
Hakolhevel wrote on 21 Jan 2020 05:35:
cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2020 13:35:
sbj wrote on 10 Jan 2020 09:17:
DavidT wrote on 09 Jan 2020 14:57:
sbj wrote on 09 Jan 2020 03:39:
From my experience I can say it pays to disregard the notion that addiction is a sickness and we're therefor 'powerless' over our actions, and doomed for life with this 'disease'. Newer, science backed approaches which are in line with the Torah view are picking up steam here. Why not get acquainted with them? There are other very helpful resources available, you can PM me for details.
An approach of responsibility and openness to explore will imho get you much farther than staying within the limits of a negative, dis-empowering approach. Using logic and experiment, and depend on Heavenly assistance FOR THAT, may prove more fruitful than blindly following outdated - although widespread & still going strong - beliefs.
You bring out an interesting point but if I may I will rephrase it on a more realistic way.
The fact that addiction is a sickness has been studied and proven by the medical world and many torah authorities & scholars too. According to the torah way it's called a sickness of the soul " Chole Hanefesh".
According to what I've seen published over the recent years with the great advancements in brain science, I've got a different picture. More and more experts came out devaluing the 'sickness' notion. I actually haven't seen any real 'studies' in favor of that. It was more a belief than anything else.
To me it seems that the 12 steps approach just managed to become mainstream thinking, maybe because its concepts were based on religious thinking popular at that time and/ or due to lack of other methods. It was probably the only (popular) answer then, and since the medical community hasn't come up with answers of their own, they just used this. I think the same can be said for Rabbis who went with it.
Now, obviously the steps have positive, helpful aspects, but the 'sickness' belief weighs it down, and can counter the effects of its helpful parts.
More recently new holistic, empowering approaches emerged; were tested & proven and subsequently gained great support. To my knowledge, there are no indications in today's science labs pointing in favor of the steps. Maybe it's time to let go of this limiting belief and give plain simple, unbiased common sense a try.
Actually, SA is built on common sense. I have been to many meetings and have spoken to many fellows in and out of the groups. I haven't seen one who was "weighed down" by the powerlessness concept. Those who didn't understand (myself) or who disagreed (myself, many times) simply moved on to the bulk of the project, and that is workin' on oneself to calm his emotions and fixin' his bad attributes. Pure common sense. It was always the fellows outside of those closed doors who harped on the religion aspect of its origin or its introduction.
I am not a card carryin' member of SA and I know plenty of it's shortcomings and in one locality there are concerns that need to be addressed, I think.
Regardless, long live the power of the keyboard.
Cords
You write that you are not a card carrying member of SA and you know its shortcomings, but many of your opinions seem to align with SA way of thinking (as I understand it) plus you link on the bottom to the white book and the big book.
Can you share your opinions what you do think of the program?
Thanks
Thanks.
I think I have written many times on this, but they are probably scattered all over the place. I went for a year. I read the books many times and worked the steps. I conducted phone calls for a couple years as well.
Would it be possible for you to ask specific questions?
- I think sa doesa lot of good.
- I think it's good for non addicts as well.
- It could serve as a cult sometimes, and that has its drawbacks.
- Sobriety is addictive as well.
- The steps really help people change, but like all things in life, you gotta keep workin' it.
- If your yahadus decreases while you're workin' the program, take a step back and analyze your life.
- I'm skeptical about all new things - pa, smart, etc., but they do seem to be doin' good things.
- The Christian stuff people say about sa is imho gibberish, but that doesn't mean one needs to enter a church.
- Good thin' I asked you for specifics.
- All of the above are just my opinions; they are not facts, nor are they taken from elsewhere, nor should they be taken as any sort of holy writ. I was an addict and I still am. My mind is clouded.
Thanks cords.
What I really wanted to hear was that you have maintained sobriety with SA way if thinking it living, but not necessarily going to meetings every week. Obviously your are in touch with people who know your name... Yet you don't go to meeting's.
I did not like the SA bashing going on here, while I have yet to join a sa meeting, I'm currently reading the white book, and have listened to alot of talks on Sa/as. I feel like what i need to do now is work the steps and get a sponsor, maybe also join deperados?
I just relate to do much of what SA and AA teaches.
Regarding smart. In general my understanding is that any group therapy is going to be extremely powerful. Regardless, I think alot of people have to realize that SA isn't for everyone, if you don't are with their definition of powerless, well maybe you are indeed not( yet ) powerless.
In the white book it talks about how it starts if as pleasure, at a certain point it turns into pain, and some people find help while they are still in transition. Which they might find smart the better fit at that time.
I just don't like people saying, i"time to rethink a system that has been working great, but studies backed by "science" show it's not so effective."
If something works for YOU good. If it doesn't, find something else. Or as others here stated. Make a cocktail.
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22 Jan 2020 03:26
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DavidT
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Yid613400 wrote on 22 Jan 2020 03:17:
Hi,
I'm fairly new to GYE. I'm 21 and have been struggling for quite a few years.
It's always been bothering me and I've tried countless times to stop watching porn etc.
I've even spoken and confided with my rebbi about it, nothing seems to help. I have a filter and of course I get around it. I've tried leaving my phone out of my room at night .....
Its all hit me recently beacuse my parents started talking about shidduchim, which to me seems very scary, to enter into a new stage in life with a new person that you are supposed to support and be supported by, but at the same time have this nasty addiction?!???
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First of all congratulations for reaching out. This is a major step that will lead be"h to full recovery.
You can read about dating disclosure here guardyoureyes.com/questions-and-answers/item/disclosure-while-dating?category_id=36
Please stay connected here and you'll see that many people just like you have healed and are doing very well now.
let me know if you havehave any specific questions and I'll try to connect you to the right people and everything will fall into place with Hashem's help.
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22 Jan 2020 03:17
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Yid613400
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Hi,
I'm fairly new to GYE. I'm 21 and have been struggling for quite a few years.
It's always been bothering me and I've tried countless times to stop watching porn etc.
I've even spoken and confided with my rebbi about it, nothing seems to help. I have a filter and of course I get around it. I've tried leaving my phone out of my room at night .....
Its all hit me recently beacuse my parents started talking about shidduchim, which to me seems very scary, to enter into a new stage in life with a new person that you are supposed to support and be supported by, but at the same time have this nasty addiction?!???
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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22 Jan 2020 02:13
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DavidT
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Yidyidyid wrote on 22 Jan 2020 01:04:
I've identified myself as having a porn problem...but as much Ive tried (been trying since joining GYE years ago) I honestly have not pinpointed any "underlying issues" in my life. My life is great - other than my problem with porn.
Am I....
a) not being honest?
b) haven't looked hard enough?
c) just a guy who really enjoys looking at shmutz and can't break a bad habit?
You're being very honest by writing this post.
It's very common that people who are good in most areas but are struggling badly with lust. Hashem made this desire very big for many reasons.
I doubt that you enjoy and feel good about yourself after looking at porn.
If it's just a bad habit then you can for sure break it like many others have done.
But it might be addiction which requires other approaches than dealing with habit breaking.
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21 Jan 2020 06:00
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cordnoy
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Hakolhevel wrote on 21 Jan 2020 05:35:
cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2020 13:35:
sbj wrote on 10 Jan 2020 09:17:
DavidT wrote on 09 Jan 2020 14:57:
sbj wrote on 09 Jan 2020 03:39:
From my experience I can say it pays to disregard the notion that addiction is a sickness and we're therefor 'powerless' over our actions, and doomed for life with this 'disease'. Newer, science backed approaches which are in line with the Torah view are picking up steam here. Why not get acquainted with them? There are other very helpful resources available, you can PM me for details.
An approach of responsibility and openness to explore will imho get you much farther than staying within the limits of a negative, dis-empowering approach. Using logic and experiment, and depend on Heavenly assistance FOR THAT, may prove more fruitful than blindly following outdated - although widespread & still going strong - beliefs.
You bring out an interesting point but if I may I will rephrase it on a more realistic way.
The fact that addiction is a sickness has been studied and proven by the medical world and many torah authorities & scholars too. According to the torah way it's called a sickness of the soul " Chole Hanefesh".
According to what I've seen published over the recent years with the great advancements in brain science, I've got a different picture. More and more experts came out devaluing the 'sickness' notion. I actually haven't seen any real 'studies' in favor of that. It was more a belief than anything else.
To me it seems that the 12 steps approach just managed to become mainstream thinking, maybe because its concepts were based on religious thinking popular at that time and/ or due to lack of other methods. It was probably the only (popular) answer then, and since the medical community hasn't come up with answers of their own, they just used this. I think the same can be said for Rabbis who went with it.
Now, obviously the steps have positive, helpful aspects, but the 'sickness' belief weighs it down, and can counter the effects of its helpful parts.
More recently new holistic, empowering approaches emerged; were tested & proven and subsequently gained great support. To my knowledge, there are no indications in today's science labs pointing in favor of the steps. Maybe it's time to let go of this limiting belief and give plain simple, unbiased common sense a try.
Actually, SA is built on common sense. I have been to many meetings and have spoken to many fellows in and out of the groups. I haven't seen one who was "weighed down" by the powerlessness concept. Those who didn't understand (myself) or who disagreed (myself, many times) simply moved on to the bulk of the project, and that is workin' on oneself to calm his emotions and fixin' his bad attributes. Pure common sense. It was always the fellows outside of those closed doors who harped on the religion aspect of its origin or its introduction.
I am not a card carryin' member of SA and I know plenty of it's shortcomings and in one locality there are concerns that need to be addressed, I think.
Regardless, long live the power of the keyboard.
Cords
You write that you are not a card carrying member of SA and you know its shortcomings, but many of your opinions seem to align with SA way of thinking (as I understand it) plus you link on the bottom to the white book and the big book.
Can you share your opinions what you do think of the program?
Thanks
Thanks.
I think I have written many times on this, but they are probably scattered all over the place. I went for a year. I read the books many times and worked the steps. I conducted phone calls for a couple years as well.
Would it be possible for you to ask specific questions?
- I think sa doesa lot of good.
- I think it's good for non addicts as well.
- It could serve as a cult sometimes, and that has its drawbacks.
- Sobriety is addictive as well.
- The steps really help people change, but like all things in life, you gotta keep workin' it.
- If your yahadus decreases while you're workin' the program, take a step back and analyze your life.
- I'm skeptical about all new things - pa, smart, etc., but they do seem to be doin' good things.
- The Christian stuff people say about sa is imho gibberish, but that doesn't mean one needs to enter a church.
- Good thin' I asked you for specifics.
- All of the above are just my opinions; they are not facts, nor are they taken from elsewhere, nor should they be taken as any sort of holy writ. I was an addict and I still am. My mind is clouded.
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21 Jan 2020 05:35
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Hakolhevel
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cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2020 13:35:
sbj wrote on 10 Jan 2020 09:17:
DavidT wrote on 09 Jan 2020 14:57:
sbj wrote on 09 Jan 2020 03:39:
From my experience I can say it pays to disregard the notion that addiction is a sickness and we're therefor 'powerless' over our actions, and doomed for life with this 'disease'. Newer, science backed approaches which are in line with the Torah view are picking up steam here. Why not get acquainted with them? There are other very helpful resources available, you can PM me for details.
An approach of responsibility and openness to explore will imho get you much farther than staying within the limits of a negative, dis-empowering approach. Using logic and experiment, and depend on Heavenly assistance FOR THAT, may prove more fruitful than blindly following outdated - although widespread & still going strong - beliefs.
You bring out an interesting point but if I may I will rephrase it on a more realistic way.
The fact that addiction is a sickness has been studied and proven by the medical world and many torah authorities & scholars too. According to the torah way it's called a sickness of the soul " Chole Hanefesh".
According to what I've seen published over the recent years with the great advancements in brain science, I've got a different picture. More and more experts came out devaluing the 'sickness' notion. I actually haven't seen any real 'studies' in favor of that. It was more a belief than anything else.
To me it seems that the 12 steps approach just managed to become mainstream thinking, maybe because its concepts were based on religious thinking popular at that time and/ or due to lack of other methods. It was probably the only (popular) answer then, and since the medical community hasn't come up with answers of their own, they just used this. I think the same can be said for Rabbis who went with it.
Now, obviously the steps have positive, helpful aspects, but the 'sickness' belief weighs it down, and can counter the effects of its helpful parts.
More recently new holistic, empowering approaches emerged; were tested & proven and subsequently gained great support. To my knowledge, there are no indications in today's science labs pointing in favor of the steps. Maybe it's time to let go of this limiting belief and give plain simple, unbiased common sense a try.
Actually, SA is built on common sense. I have been to many meetings and have spoken to many fellows in and out of the groups. I haven't seen one who was "weighed down" by the powerlessness concept. Those who didn't understand (myself) or who disagreed (myself, many times) simply moved on to the bulk of the project, and that is workin' on oneself to calm his emotions and fixin' his bad attributes. Pure common sense. It was always the fellows outside of those closed doors who harped on the religion aspect of its origin or its introduction.
I am not a card carryin' member of SA and I know plenty of it's shortcomings and in one locality there are concerns that need to be addressed, I think.
Regardless, long live the power of the keyboard.
Cords
You write that you are not a card carrying member of SA and you know its shortcomings, but many of your opinions seem to align with SA way of thinking (as I understand it) plus you link on the bottom to the white book and the big book.
Can you share your opinions what you do think of the program?
Thanks
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19 Jan 2020 21:00
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DavidT
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The main differences between the SMART Recovery and 12 step program are:
SMART Recovery has a scientific foundation, not a spiritual one. (this makes it better for torah values)
SMART Recovery teaches increasing self-reliance, rather than powerlessness. (this can be related to the concept of clarity in free will "bechira")
SMART Recovery meetings are discussion meetings in which individuals talk with one another, rather than to one another. (dibuk chaveirim)
SMART Recover encourages attendance for months to years, but probably not a lifetime. (the Torah belief is that a person can change and be fully healed with hashems help)
SMART Recovery discourages use of labels such as “alcoholic” or “addict”. (the person's neshomo is always pure, the sin or blemish is external)
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17 Jan 2020 11:39
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MenachemGYE
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Question: I'm frum and SMART recovery seems like a program that can work for me. One hesitation I have is that SMART is referred to sometimes as a secular program! Is it compatible with Torah?
Answer:
When they use the term secular they mean that unlike some other program it does not have opinion on religion. That means the program is suitable for anybody, regardless of their spiritual beliefs.
In addition, I've studied SMART recovery program in depth and haven't found anything controversial from a Torah standpoint and common sense.
There is only one concept in the program (The philosophy of unconditional acceptance), which when used by a Yid would be done a little differently than they way they present it.
For example, when it comes to what they refer to as "Unconditional life-acceptance (ULA)", it described like this:
You can judge life in the same way, as being completely unfair or totally terrible. When you find yourself thinking, “Life sucks! It couldn’t be more awful!” Remind yourself of the good things that have happened in your life. If you can accept that there are many things you can’t control, it may help you to better accept what life throws at you, even if you don’t like it.
However, when done by a Yid, we'd remind ourselves that everything in life comes from Hashem.
Similarly, the concept of Unconditional self-acceptance (USA), is described by them as follows:
Unconditional self-acceptance is the idea that you have worth, just as you are. This explains what separates “you”— your character, traits, personality, strengths, and weaknesses — from your behaviors. This is why SMART doesn’t use labels. You may have addictive behaviors, but you are not an addict. While this might seem like a game of words, it’s important to recognize how powerful words and labels are. The same labels that you may carry internally — “failure”, ”disappointment,” or “loser” — led to your unhealthy behaviors. Attaching new labels won’t help. If you can’t accept yourself, can you really expect others to? Even if they do, would you believe them? Accepting yourself may be difficult. You may have caused others and yourself extreme harm and pain. You may have ruined the lives of others, plunged your family into debt, brought diseases into trusting relationships, or squandered your life savings. Who can forgive that? Not everyone can, but you can forgive yourself and accept that you are a worthwhile person despite your past behaviors. Be patient with and kind to yourself. Be honest about what you’ve done. Accept that you can’t change the past, but you can create your future. You may be tempted to compare yourself to others or hold yourself up to some arbitrary standard. There is no standard or universal measure of your value. You stand alone in your self-worth. Comparing yourself to others is as meaningless as judging one color against another: Is red good or bad? Is blue more valuable than green?
According to Torah, you can't say "there is no standard or universal measure of your value", and this idea they way the present is based on Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which believes in moral relativism etc. A frum Jew can still accept themselves in a way encouraged by Torah sources - תוכו אכל קליפתו זרק.
Aside from this minor point, which even in SMART is only a small detail of their program, I did not find anything else that is even slightly controversial.
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17 Jan 2020 10:52
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MenachemGYE
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SMART Recovery (SMART) is a science-based program to help people manage their recovery from any type of addictive behavior. This includes addictive behavior with substances such as alcohol, nicotine or drugs, or compulsive behaviors such as gambling, sex, eating, shopping, self-harming and so on. SMART stands for ‘Self Management And Recovery Training’. SMART began in 1994 in the United States. It has grown into a worldwide network of self-help meetings, both face-to-face and online, where participants can get help from others in recovery. SMART operates as a non-profit organization in many countries including the United States, the UK, Canada and Australia. There is no single approach to recovery that is right for everyone. Research into various recovery methods and therapies suggests that mutual aid can help recovery and so can treatment – a combination of the two is probably even better for many people. SMART Recovery helps participants decide whether they have a problem, builds up their motivation to change and offers a set of proven tools and techniques to support recovery. This is the SMART Recovery 4-point program:
- Building and maintaining motivation
- Coping with urges
- Managing thoughts, feelings and behaviors
- Living a balanced life
People can stay with SMART as long as they wish. There is no requirement to make a lifetime commitment to the program, just to their recovery and leading a healthier life. Many people find that continuing to participate in SMART after they have recovered helps them avoid lapses or relapses. Some will volunteer to train as facilitators and set up further meetings. Others simply continue to attend meetings and share their experiences with others. Within SMART, labels are not thought to help with recovery and are avoided. People are not called ‘addicts’, ‘alcoholics’, ’druggies’, ’overeaters’, ’sex addicts’ or other disparaging label within meetings. SMART Recovery will not be able to help with every kind of problem and participants are encouraged to seek professional help when needed. SMART Resources
The SMART handbook can be purchased at https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/ for $12. It's an excellent resource for those interested in trying out SMART, and worth its weight in gold!
Many of the SMART worksheets can be downloaded here: http://smartrecoverybc.com/index.php/resources/tool-chest-and-homework.html GYE also hosts a closed SMART recovery phone conference for men. Since it's just a pilot there are limited openings. If you really want to join, you can write to me at info@guardyoureyes.org.
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16 Jan 2020 16:46
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pgreen6840
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BH after decades of backsliding despite renewed efforts to not relapse time after time after time , it has been over 3 yrs now that ,one day at a time I have been able to come clean .
Everywhere one looks we are bombarded mentally, emotionally , physically stimulative with smutt and nivel anyim ( porn). When I was growing up decades ago the tolerance was so much stricter; nowadays regarding modesty and hidden societal agendas it is impossible to not fear encountering the Satan every and anywhere. The tragic reality it is ubiquitous, insidious and desensitizing to healthy functioning with a shemiras aniyim lifestyle.
I apologize for the wordiness, but my heart just cries out from the past ,long ongoing downward spiraling and sins against my neshama and Hashem.
The thing that has saved me and continues empowering me is being honest about the denial of so many: bad choices of selfishness , appreciation of my blessings, getting older and Hashem's delayed payment system. Teshuva only works WHENEVER we choose to do it if we become proactive against relapse. Shemiras Aniyim and begging for help from Hashem is a synergy for confronting this problem. We know all about addictive behavior and the more we do the more we empower,reinforce and set more stimuli to get the dopamine release that our disease effects ( the ahh feeling ). So we need more and harder more intense stimuli to achieve a previous satisfaction.
Long story short, its a choice. We live in denial that Hashem isn't watching, our souls become darker and desenstized to holiness and cannot become illuminated as the forces we create are nutured from our own actions. There is an accounting and an accountant awaiting us when we MUST leave this world of denial.
I hope this will help to instill hope and remove desperation. The way is one hour ,one day , one test at a time....... If you are reading this than Hahsem still loves and hope for you to return and do teshuva. IT IS NOT TOO LATE. Choose your gift of vision and time wisely. May you find the the renewed hope and strength to give away what you will acquire and know there is always hope.............
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15 Jan 2020 21:41
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DavidT
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Realestatemogul wrote on 15 Jan 2020 05:48:
Just posting to keep up my connection to all those that support me. B''h 41 days clean. I have my easier moments and my tougher moments, but they are all moments that I am living a healthy life without addiction.
TYH
It's so amazing when we see people actually breaking free and succeeding. I hope the ones that are in the stage of starting out after a fall are realizing how possible it is to win in this fight!
Keep up the AMAZING progress, we're monitoring it and celebrating together with you.
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15 Jan 2020 05:48
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Realestatemogul
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Just posting to keep up my connection to all those that support me. B''h 41 days clean. I have my easier moments and my tougher moments, but they are all moments that I am living a healthy life without addiction.
TYH
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14 Jan 2020 07:50
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shmuel83
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DavidT wrote on 13 Jan 2020 19:42:
shmuel83 wrote on 13 Jan 2020 04:07:
New member here - I didn't think I was that addicted, but I've fallen a handful of times over the past few months - the yetzer hara would trick me into doing it by convincing me that by seeking pleasure it would 'relieve stress'. Don't fall into this trap!! I joined the site a few days ago and haven't fallen since I joined, but I just had an urge to look at an inappropriate site which came out of nowhere... I closed the site quickly. Be careful everyone we can't let our guards down for a second!! This is the battle of our generation! Listening regularly to mussar lectures is one of the best things, also learning Torah, since this is the ultimate pleasure which is far greater than anything this world has to offer. Also, by stretching ourselves with short periods of intense learning, we will hopefully be too tired to think of forbidden things.
Welcome Shmuel!
We're all so excited to have another great member on board. Please keep on posting your progress and what works or does not work for you. Hopefully you'll be a great inspiration for the others that are struggling to be able to also hop on board with the great fighters like you.
Keep it up!
Thank you so much!
I'll post when I can. I don't have a lot of free time due to work (I recently got a job in a city where there are not many Jews - long story). I had a good day today in terms of guarding my eyes, but I still have to be careful I don't fall as I'm single and currently living alone. I'll hopefully be moving closer to the synagogue here soon so I'll be able to walk to shul B"H.
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