Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one. -- Group Treatment for Substance Abuse

What is the happiest place you can imagine? Think about being there. Think of every sensory detail—see, hear, smell, taste, and touch these. -- The PERFECT Program

Distract Yourself. Concentrate on something other than your urge ... Focusing on your Hierarchy of Values is a positive form of distraction.

A simple sensory awareness exercise can help you shift your attention away from what you’ve been thinking about and on to something else in your environment. Begin by saying the phrase, “Now I’m aware of…,” and then complete it by stating something you see in your environment. For example, “Now I’m aware of the sun coming through the window.” Repeat and complete the phrase “Now I’m aware of…,” until you have identified five different things that you see. Continue the exercise stating five different things you are aware of hearing, then five things you are aware of touching or feeling in side your body. This exercise can help center you sensually in the reality of your present environment and take you farther away from the fantasy world of porn.

Deliberately shift your focus to something that is easy to stay focused on. For instance, look around you. Is there something in the room that you could count? It might be ceiling tiles, floor tiles, designs on wallpaper or paneling, window blinds, leaves of a plant, or something that you can observe through a window outside the room. Count the objects that you see as rapidly as you can. For instance, count the number of blinds that you see on a window. If you count very rapidly and as accurately as you can, you will find that other thoughts that were on your mind go away, because you are focused on the counting.

Hi everyone and thank you for welcoming me to the GYE community. I have been here before many years ago. Im back. Back then I was single and now Im married with a few kids. I need some guidance from you guys. I have always been someone who craved sexuality. I have never done anything to fill that crave. I got excited when I would see pictures of girls but I did not struggle with constantly searching for it. When I was 18 I dabbled more with porn and when I experienced a personal trauma  (was exposed to a cheating incident) I turned to it again to self-soothe. I went to therapy  eventually got married and it did not seem to be an issue. Then a year in there was a moment that the opportunity to get my hand on an unfiltered phone and I fell. My wife was aware and it was not cool. This happened every so often (once every 2-3 months). Eventually I brought it up in therapy and we worked on it and it did not seem to be an issue rather it was dubbed “normal”. Since then I discussed it with my wife and she has been super supportive. We read amazing books together and it was and continues to be a real growing experience . I don’t own a smart phone, We have web chaver and I don’t have any passwords to any device not filtered. Anytime I sense a loophole I would share it with her and she would block it. Eventually I shared the trauma with my wife which helped her have a better understanding of where it all stemmed from. The open communication has been life changing. We read a book together which talks about how helpful it can be to turn to your wife when you struggle with porn (“love you, hate porn” is the title).

However, my struggle is as follows. I find myself in a situation which comes with some stressful “not in control” moments. We are in a state of unsettledness and it oftentimes gets to me.  I find that every 4-6 weeks this downward spiral starts to kick in. As it kicks in I feel less settled and I “need an escape”. I think to myself “porn can help me now. I have been so good I just need one little dose to help me out of this”. But the voice in my head replies back “ dude, you know it doesn’t work that way”. I usually bring my wife into it and after listening to me and giving me a big hug it sometimes goes away. But lately it has not been. I find myself wondering “what if that computer at work is unfiltered and I get a second with it” “what f that Ipad has an easy code”. Hmmmm, I start to wonder and the thought stays in the back of my mind. I cant seem to get it out. I go through my day and I find myself subconsciously deciding to not workout, not go to minyan so I can “feed” the downfall. Then I start to feel worse and then I get into craze mode of "now I really need this "and somehow I find that escape. A new computer at work, a new ipad that showed up. In the past, when I get my hands on a device I would just go to a website and that was enough to feel that rush without even gazing. I would close the computer instantly. Then there were times where I would go to the website and look for a little longer- a min. I usually took precautions to prevent it from happening again. I started doing well until the next wave comes. That was 6 weeks ago. On the latest fall I looked and stayed on it and spilled seed. When it was just a glance I would share with my wife because she knew something was wrong and she would cry with and hug me. It was very helpful. The masturbation part is too hard to share.

I am coming to you guys for some practical advice. I cant keep coming back to her like this. I feel bad and I am like “what am I doing to myself and why cant I just overcome it for once and for all. Why do I have to have that thought there linger until I fill it up with what I desire. I find all the “shower and exercise ideas help for a day and then the thought and crave is still there. It is there telling me “I will be here until you get it done and then I will make you feel miserable about it”. Rarely has the thought gone away from more than a day.

What do I do? Granted I am going through unsettled times in my life (career changes, moving) but this is adding to it and I want it out. For starters,  I will sign up with the 90 day chart. Does anyone here relate to this situation ? Should I check myself back in for therapy? Is this "normal"? am I an addict? should I join SA?

Any advice would be appreciated

• Date and Time
• Duration
• Device
• Location
• Notes

• A great resource is truthaboutporn.org/media. It includes over 20 eye opening video interviews with experts on the effects of pornography. The site also showcases a collection of research papers on the topic.
• If you want to dig deeper check out the book “The Porn Myth”, a non-religious response to pro-pornography arguments. A book exposing the reality behind the fantasy of pornography. The book draws on the experience of porn performers and users, and the expertise of neurologists, sociologists, and psychologists to demonstrate that pornography is destructive to individuals, relationships, and society. The Porn Myth is available at Amazon.com.
• You can also have a look at the sefer Zos Brisi for Torah reasons to maintain kedusha. When reading such materials, remember your goal right now isn’t to feel guilty about the past, but to reflect on what you truly want fo the future. Facing the truth is uncomfortable, but during when your considering making a change (the contemplation stage) it can help you clarify the (pros and) cons of your behavior and help you decide what you really want. The Hebrew version of Zos Brisi is available for free at https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/zos-brisi, and the English version can be purchased on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Sefer-Zos-Brisi-Guidance-Kedushah/dp/1680250078

Imagine vividly how continued porn usage (for example) and it’s side effects will impact your relationship with your spouse, your children and your career. Imagine the lost opportunities of actualizing your most cherished dreams and life goals because porn has embezzled your time and focus.

Discover Your Motives
Each time you watch porn, before you actually watch, think why you are doing it and record it somewhere. If you'd like you can make a table like this:

• Date and Time
• Location
• Why I want to do this? (e.g. I'm bored, stimulated, stressed etc.)
• Notes

After a little while, you'll be able to look back and see why you're doing what you're doing. By becoming more aware of your motives, it can help you get the clarity you need to make a decision. For example, you might notice, that very often you're watching because your stressed or tired, not because of pure lust. You then might come to the conclusion that if it's mostly due to stress, there are far better ways of dealing with then by continuing the current behavior.

Credit: Many of these ideas are based on the books Changing for Good, and Addiction and Change.

Warning: Spoiler!

Here's one more idea from the book Changeology:

• Date and Time
• Duration
• Device
• Location
• Notes

• A great resource is truthaboutporn.org/media. It includes over 20 eye opening video interviews with experts on the effects of pornography. The site also showcases a collection of research papers on the topic.
• If you want to dig deeper check out the book “The Porn Myth”, a non-religious response to pro-pornography arguments. A book exposing the reality behind the fantasy of pornography. The book draws on the experience of porn performers and users, and the expertise of neurologists, sociologists, and psychologists to demonstrate that pornography is destructive to individuals, relationships, and society. The Porn Myth is available at Amazon.com.
• You can also have a look at the sefer Zos Brisi for Torah reasons to maintain kedusha. When reading such materials, remember your goal right now isn’t to feel guilty about the past, but to reflect on what you truly want fo the future. Facing the truth is uncomfortable, but during when your considering making a change (the contemplation stage) it can help you clarify the (pros and) cons of your behavior and help you decide what you really want. The Hebrew version of Zos Brisi is available for free at https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/zos-brisi, and the English version can be purchased on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Sefer-Zos-Brisi-Guidance-Kedushah/dp/1680250078

Imagine vividly how continued porn usage (for example) and it’s side effects will impact your relationship with your spouse, your children and your career. Imagine the lost opportunities of actualizing your most cherished dreams and life goals because porn has embezzled your time and focus.

Discover Your Motives
Each time you watch porn, before you actually watch, think why you are doing it and record it somewhere. If you'd like you can make a table like this:

• Date and Time
• Location
• Why I want to do this? (e.g. I'm bored, stimulated, stressed etc.)
• Notes

After a little while, you'll be able to look back and see why you're doing what you're doing. By becoming more aware of your motives, it can help you get the clarity you need to make a decision. For example, you might notice, that very often you're watching because your stressed or tired, not because of pure lust. You then might come to the conclusion that if it's mostly due to stress, there are far better ways of dealing with then by continuing the current behavior.

Credit: Many of these ideas are based on the books Changing for Good, and Addiction and Change.

Warning: Spoiler!

Here's one more idea from the book Changeology:

Tip: Say Goodbye

Write a goodbye letter to your problem or old way of being. Put your heart into the letter. Explain the harm that porn has caused you and others and then how leaving it will improve your life.

This usually will focus on 2 areas: Dealing with urges, and Stimulus Control (avoiding triggers and blocking access)