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Building motivation - Exploring Values and Roles
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TOPIC: Building motivation - Exploring Values and Roles 683 Views

Building motivation - Exploring Values and Roles 19 Jan 2020 09:26 #346809

One of the ways to increase motivation is to think about whether our lust related behaviors is an isolated issue or if it actually interferes with many other areas in our life.

If we reach the conclusion that it's part of a much larger issue, then can give us a big motivation boost to go ahead and deal with it.

With exercises like this, there's a big advantage with doing it on paper rather than just in our head. When done on a paper, we can continue where we left off in case we get interrupted, and it can also be referred to in the future if our motivation level drops.

Option 1 - Exploring your roles
  • Step 1 - Make a list of your current roles (e.g. frum yid, father, bochur, husband, rabbi, teacher, lawyer).
  • Step 2 - For each role, list how porn/masturbation (or lust) interferes with that area.

Option 2 - Exploring your values
  • Step 1 - Make a list of your values (e.g. connection to hashem, shalom bayis, learning torah, role model, honesty, building a family, working for a living, happiness, etc.).
  • Step 2 - Narrow down the list to the top 5-10 values (is porn one of them?).
  • Step 3 - For each of each of these top values, list how porn/masturbation (or lust) interferes with that value.

Note: In SMART recovery, there's a similar simplified tool called Hierarchy of Values. You can check it out here: The ideas I mentioned are based on other sources. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

If you have a hard time coming up with your values, here's a nice list of options (primarily based on this list).

Acceptance, Achievement, Accomplishment, Admiration, Adventure, Athletic, Art[istic], Authority, Accuracy, Adventure, Ambition, Attractiveness, Autonomy, Beauty, Belonging, Caring, Chinuch, Comfort, Compassion, Compromise, Conscientious, Cooperation, Challenge, Change, Creativity, Commitment, Complexity, Contribution, Courage, Courtesy, Curiosity, Creativity, Diligence, Ecology, Faithfulness , Dependability, Dignity, Duty, Excitement, Faith, Fame, Family, Fitness, Flexibility, Forgiveness, Freedom , Friendship, Fun, Generosity, Genuineness, Good Parent, Genuineness, Gratitude, Growth, Halacha / Hashem’s  Will, Health, Helper, Home, Honesty, Hope, Humility, Humor, Imagination, Independence, Industry, Inner Peace, Intelligence, Justice, Knowledge Leader[ship], Loved, Intimacy, Knowledge, Learning, Leisure, Loving, Loyalty, Mastery, Mindfulness, Moderation, Music, Novelty, Money , Monogamy, Non-conformity, Nurturance, Order, Openness, Passion, Perfection, Pleasure, Power, Proud, Protect, Purpose, Patriotism, Popularity, Practicality, Provide, Rationality, Realism, Reputation, Respect, Responsibility, Risk, Role Model, Romance, Safety, Security, Self-Acceptance, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Service, Sexuality, Success, Solitude, Stability, Strong, Tradition, Wealth, Simplicity, Spirituality, Tolerance, Virtue, Wisdom, World Peace, Yiddishkeit.

There’s Life Beyond Addiction
Phone, Text or Whatsapp: 646-600-8100
Last Edit: 19 Jan 2020 09:59 by MenachemGYE.

Re: Building motivation - Exploring Values and Roles 06 Feb 2020 10:52 #347186

In another thread @Ihavestrength gave a perfect example of how exploring your values can increase your motivation:

I don't think that masturbating it watching porn will make me feel horrible. In fact, there are benefits for me to engage with it. It physically relaxes me (that is a fact, orgasms are relaxing). However, despite the benefits I'm choosing not to engage. Why? Simple. It doesn't fit with my values and lifestyle as a frum Jew, and deeper perhaps, it doesn't fit with how I want to think of myself. I don't want to be a person who masturbates or watches porn (this value is likely a result of being raised drum etc.). Basically, there are serious downsides to not masturbating or watching porn as a single dude. However, I think that living in alignment with your values is worth alot more than that.

There’s Life Beyond Addiction
Phone, Text or Whatsapp: 646-600-8100
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