Snowflake wrote on 22 Jun 2020 14:49:

Yes... Remember, addiction is a prison built on secrets, lies, shame, and isolation. Every time you open up to someone in honesty and love you are breaking down another chunk of those walls. Keep at it until you are free and there is nothing but a pile of rubble behind you.

Shkoiach!! One day at a time is the secret. Should you feel like you need help, do reach out. Our addiction causes us to isolate, so the best medicine is to do the opposite.
Keep us posted

givemechizzuk wrote on 18 Jun 2020 08:23:

Hey dude. Fellow ADHDer here. Was diagnosed bout a year ago. Suspected I "had it" for a while. For a time i thought that my porn watching/masturbating caused it. Anyways, as far as advice or tips: One thing I've been doing for a few years now is meditation. I use an app called headspace. I feel that it has helped me a lot. Exercise is also really helpful for ADHD. Cardio, like fast walking jogging etc. where you build a sweat is great. Lastly, I do take meds, so if you want my to hear my experience so far with that I'd be happy to share. Hope this helps. Also, I forgot. Therapy also helps me stay focused on my goals and stuff.

Hey guys,
First of all thanks again for all your support, it's really encouraging.
Tomorrow I'll be 2 weeks clean Bez"H. Today is day 13th.
Since then, I can only say a lot has changed, my relationship to my wife greatly improved, to my kids and I can only say I feel much more alive.
I want to convince myself that I need to be sober, not (only) because it's a mitzva, but it's the only way to truly live. I see two completely different lives, one sober and one not sober. They're worlds apart. I feel and live much better when sober. I sleep better, eat better, work better, etc.
That being said I've begun a phone chat relationship to a fellow here (I'm not mentioning his username because I haven't asked him if I should publicize it, but anyway) and he has advised me to put up a stronger filter. I went a step ahead and bought myself an "almost kosher phone". Why do I say it's almost kosher? Well it's not one of those old nokia phones where there's zero multimedia. It's something in the in between an old nokia and a smartphone. It's not a smartphone. It's a flip phone. It has a crappy camera ( 0.3 mp lol) and multimedia, but it doesn't have a web browser, and doesn't have whatsapp. Theoretically one could watch improper material in it but it takes so many steps (I'd need to buy an sd card since I don't have one, download the material, etc) that I think it's not practical at all. My main thing has always been internet and social media. For the time being I'm still keeping my old smartphone. I know it sounds like toivel vesheretz beyado, but I'm in a weaning process lol. It's going to take some adapting, not ordering food and ubers through the phone and forgoing whatsapp. I hope to soon ditch the smartphone, I just want to make sure it's not too radical a move. Well it is but I'm just hoping I won't miss it so much or disrupt my life in a significant way.
I'd be lying if I said that being sober isn't the main reason for me ditching the smartphone, but there are other great reasons as well. Turns out I was (am) addicted to smartphones too. I'd check whatsapp, mail, etc 100 times a day for no good reason. I'd play online chess throughout the day. So I felt like I was being enslaved by the smartphone.I have started using it today and already feel much better. I was also very surprised to finding out that many goyim felt like me too and ditched their smartphones as well. They felt like life was passing by and they were missing it, gluing their eyes to the screens. So that's it, sorry for the long post.
Wishing everyone a wonderful and clean week!

tcrvo wrote on 19 Jun 2020 03:32:


I agree that taking responsibility for ones owns actions is key.

The danger is though of not being aware of how you operate. To ignore how your brain functions or aspects of ones own personality, regardless of ADHD, is dangerous.

If someone is more introverted and needs their space we don't treat them the same as we would an extrovert. Some people suffer from depression, schizophrenia or other mental illnesses. some people suffer physically, diabetes, crohns and such like. Not addressing those issues doesn't make them go away.

It would be the height of folly for someone with diabetes to eat however they wanted and ignored the dangers of their actions.

So too here, ADHD is a neurological condition caused by the way the brain is wired. It is neither inherently good or bad, it just exists. There are both positives and negatives that arise from it (without getting too involved in that). The point I'm bringing up, and this is not to discount what you have said because I believe in a lot of what you are saying, is that I'm looking for tools to help deal with what I (among many others) see as a significant cause for a number of problems in my life. Does that absolve me of personal responsibility and the power of bechira, NO! absolutely not. But to ignore it is, from my perspective, dangerous. Treat it like a person who suffers from a chemical imbalance in their brain which causes a greater tendency for depression. They've still got bechira, but if they don't address that imbalance, then they're not going to succeed.

ADD ADHD
its new ways of blaming a third party instead of ones self
I have classic ADHD even i have never been tested, i just know it i have all the syptoms i read on it. i dont take any meds i never did (only a short period of time, when my son started on them i went to dr. for my self of course i got a prescription which i only used to see what it does to me. Didnt like it!)
life is not easy but I love every bit of it, especialy the chalanges, you say ADHD have a higher rate of addictons, could be true. the way i see it if we focus on anything we become very good at it, just focus on the good and you will become great!

One of the challenges of ADHD is a high level of impulsivity. To stay in control with inyanei kedusha takes a certain level of on the moment decision making and restraint which is harder for an ADHD fellow. That does not mean that just because someone has this condition, he will develop into an addict. What it does mean is that individual would be wise to set up more barriers - filters, partners, etc. Secondly, carrying a little contract in your pocket which is read once a day (maybe set an alarm to remind you - forgetfulness is also quite common), gives a constant reminder that you don't want to head in that direction. Lastly some of the heavy ADHD guys here work with a reward system - a sponsor for 30 days staying clean for $100 - and they hang up a copy of a $100 bill on their work desk, bed, etc. Hatzlocha!

I would like to share (with permission)  a writing that I got from a person that is working on his recovery with the 12 step program, I hope it can help others with their work as well. 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------
Hashem sent me a clear message that I am an addict and I did not take recovery seriously till now.

So going forward: 

- I commit myself to the fully now with the help of Hashem.- I started the day with the prayer right after modeh ani

- I spoke to Hashem on the way to work the following:
"You created me with a defect because you know that is good for me. This defect is an illness just like someone that is missing a foot and they can not do anything to bring back the foot but they need to find a way to deal with it. You have all the power in the world and you can help me deal with this defect. You sent me a way to deal with this illness by working the 12 steps and giving my life and my will completely over to you. I know that in order to really give myself over to you I need to clear all obstacles that are in the way, like resentments, stress, arguments etc. I know also that you want me to work with other people as well to help with my recovery and help them with their recovery. This is all about not being selfish but about being selfless. Hashem,please guide me and help me that I should only want your will and only do your will always!"

- My commitment BL"N is to dedicate every day at least an hour (either with sponsor, or self work or meeting etc) for this work.

- I will also get numbers of other fellows in the group and try to be in steady contact with them daily.

Today I am only thinking about today. And I hope to do the same tomorrow and every day that Hashem will give me going forward.

Thank you Hashem and thank you to all people that are helping me with my recovery!

I was wondering if anyone could relate or give advice.

I have ADHD (actually more ADD than ADHD, but it all comes under the category of ADHD, mines just more inwardly focused as opposed to outward). I was diagnosed not that long ago (about half a year ago) and I'm still working with my doctor to figure out the right meds, (procrastination being a major symptom of ADHD, YAY! - [insert sarcasm]).

So I was reading up on ADHD people and symptoms, and it turns out that the majority of addicts are people with ADHD (and they think more of them may just be undiagnosed). There's been a number of studies why that is, (social problems and isolation, difficulties with tasks others seem to find easy, constant need for stimulation... the list goes on. and on. and on. look it up, its quite telling).

My point here is to ask for help or advice from any fellow strugglers here. Any advice, tips, skills, methods and so on that work for dealing with ADHD which I see as a significant cause of acting out.

thank you

Ihavestrength wrote on 18 Jun 2020 02:12:

Makes perfect sense , the details aren’t really important... hope the sun shines brighter for you tomorrow ever after.

Days 44-45: Yesterday was a very difficult day. Not related to this stuff. Turns out there is plenty of suffering in life without the habits/behaviors/addictions we want to stop. Today was better because thank G-d I was actually able to get some sleep last night. Still not out of the woods unfortunately. Still have unresolved feelings and still am feeling extremely confused and sad. Gosh, I know I'm so far from perfect, but can anything in life just work out well for once? Gosh, I suppose that is a very ungrateful thing to say, because I have many things to be thankful for, but when something hard happens it's very hard to appreciate those things. Sorry for the ramble. I'm not sure if any of that made sense. Going to start heading towards bed, so wishing y'all a good night and only revealed goodness in your lives!

In my quest for taharah, I stumbled across this website with a recording which uses hypnosis to rewire your brain from desiring porn. It has helped to me more than anything else has in my long struggle. I really want everyone who is not in a good place to try it out- I have never felt so good.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/%e2%99%a6solo-tools/hypnosis-script-for-becoming-porn-free/


If You do it, please share me your thoughts.

Wishing all the best!

Snowflake wrote on 17 Jun 2020 14:27:

well said. i would word it slightly diff. but i think everyone gets the point. 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Dov painted all frum people into one stroke, saying that those who criticize the goyish culture are really white washing their tayves. 
But from what I understood he said that there are many frum people where their "frumkeit" stands in their way. They do, in fact, use the pritzus argument (which is no doubt true, society has become corrupted) as an excuse for their behaviour. Meaning, yes, the wide society has become sexually explicit (what's even the chiddush here?), but even if that were not the case, you'd still have your issue. The problem with it is that, so long they don't realize the problem is within them, they won't really change. In their minds, they will think them to be tzadikim and the goyish culture the culprit when in fact, they are the ones who are ill. That is not to say society isn't sexually explicit or that those who criticize it are really sick pervs. But many addicts do criticize it as an excuse for their behaviour or worse, use it as a justification and thus never change.

Snowflake wrote on 16 Jun 2020 13:53:

Agreed and very smart