1.  We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3.  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10.Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

Boruch Dayan Haemes.

Yes, this addiction can kill. Among other things.  We just don't know what others
are really going through.  That's why we must give people the benefit of the doubt.
Resentments for us are our worst enemy.  People who get caught in this action
can go to jail, be arrested, shot or divorced.  There are consequences for our actions.
This is why we all, including me, have to begin working harder on our program.

Hi everyone

I slippped up today, I realised it was because I dont set enough boundaries on the computer
I intend to spend more time now working on my addiction. and setting clear boundaries.
It was very annoying, as I was feeling really happy this morning and accomplished,
and suddenly as I was on the computer the desires overtook me.
I can either get really depressed over this or I can grow and learn and move on.
Its a lot easier to just get depressed.
Its very hard to grow and move on, but thats what needs to be done.
I started reading the stories on the site. Very inspiring.
It really gave me chizuk to keep on fighting.
I was planning on going the whole Teves being clean.
I'm very pissed off that I screwed up in the start, what can you do, crap happens.
VERY ANNOYING!!!!!

anyway.... time to move on, what can u do?

Net

Dear Jew, Welcome home!

I am sure Hashem is happy that you took the "hint"  :D

This website and forum are a "Teivah" (ark) in the Mabul of internet "Taivah". On this site and forum you will find people going through exactly the same thing as you, making great progress and giving each other support.

There are two secrets to breaking free.
1) Never accept it. Always keep trying. Never give up. Believe that with enough work and the right tools, you can break free.
2) Never let a fall get you down. That is the trick of the yetzer hara and just leads to further falls.

In a sense, it seems that these two principles conflict with each other. Because if you never accept it and believe you can stop - so how do you not get down when falling? But we have to reconcile ourselves to this seeming conflict if we want to make progress. We have to work on BOTH these aspects in order to succeed!

Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this.

As a sexual addiction, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.

1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See here for all the options and info.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail list, if you haven't yet. You will learn approaches and tips every day!

3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in. It is run through a phone-conference company. You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.

4) Keep a log of your struggle here, in the forum. Aim for 90 days and post each day or two how you feel. You will get tons of Chizuk from what you will quickly come to consider your "spiritual family". Since you are already 7 days clean, i can put you up on our chart. You have passed Level 2! The chart is here and the rules are here. Send me your info as detailed in the rules.

5) Read the stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah.

6) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See this page for a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line.

We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Write on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk!

May Hashem be with you!

Well, I began my journey to purity again with the beginning of Chanukah.  My struggle has been an addiction to masturbation with occasional usage of porn.  I've been through some times of cleanliness in the past, but have always ended up lapsing.

The Shabbos before Channukah I was called up for an aliyah for the first time in quite a while.  Irony of ironies, it was the 4th aliyah of Vayeishev which speaks of Er and Onan.  Since noone at my shul knows of my struggle, I tend to believe that this was a not so subtle hint from heaven.  The hint has been taken to heart.  I still need to implement some of the other steps on this board, but at least I have begun.  Hopefully, I will make it much further than I have before.

Holy Be Holy! As much you want to act out now, think about WHAT WILL YOU HAVE FROM IT?? Nothing but guilt and depression and distance from Hashem. And yet by NOT doing it, you are shaking worlds and earning reward that the malachim are jealous of!

Did you read it today's Chizuk e-mail? It is talking to you, one of the great elite soldiers on the front lines!

You are a chasid of R' Zvi Meyer. He speaks about how Chanukah is one of the times to cleanse out our eyes, through seeing the lights of the Menorah and how Chanukah is from the lashon "chen", ve'noach matzah "chen" be'einei Hashem, and how we can be Zoche on Chanukah to "einei Hashem"!

As long as your wife is not "enough" for you, it is the poison of "lust" speaking - not your intellect. And that poison is NEVER satisfied. I can tell you hundreds of stories of people who had this poison in their blood and they let it control them. And they were never ever happy until they hit bottom really hard and finally surrendered their lust to Hashem.

Hashem Davka gave you a woman that you don't feel "lust" for, to show you that "lust" is FALSE. Treasure your relationship with her and you will conquer LUST. Let her be your "measuring" scale. As long as you feel distant from her because of this, it is a siman you have to work harder on giving up lust. On the other hand, the more you can appreciate her, the more it means you are making progress. This is a GIFT from Hashem. Be THANKFUL that he didn't give you a woman who would continue to FEED your addiction and lust.

It takes a lot of maturity to accept what I am telling you, because it is hard. But you will see one day how true it is what I am saying. I only pray you see it soon, and not have to learn the hard way.

Read again please what we said in Chizuk e-mail 362 and 363 (on this page) about LUST.

Keep up the good work. You are lighting up the night by keeping strong even when feeling down, weak and tired out. Being strong in such a situation is worth 100 times more than being strong when feeling happy, satisfied and close to Hashem.

Not for nothing the Pasuk says "Merachok Nireh Li Hashem". Davka in a Matzav of "Rachok" is a person Zoche to see Hashem.

Day 40 is a BIG milestone! We are really getting excited for Ka Echsof on day 45  ;D (already 3 people asked for it, but I told them it's yours at day 45).

Hi everyone

I've never written on this forum before, but I guess that I need some serious support, so I'm going to start.

My story in short
Since I was 12 I had a problem with mausterbation, I discovered the world of the computer when I was around 13.
Since then I've pretty much been addicted, the most I've ever been sober for is no more than a month and a half.
When I was 18 I decided that I would do anything to stop and I told my father and a couple of freinds what was going on.
It helped abit but I was still addicted
Fast forward to now....
around two months ago, I found this site, it really gave me hope. It was the first proper structured support system for this
addicton.
I took on an accountability partner, and was sober for a month until two weeks ago. I slipped up and I've pretty much screwed up
like.. four times since then. I've kinda given up. I'm really depressed. I feel like I'm losing control again. I feel like my
old tendencies are coming back, that if i don't feel good or i feel a bit anxious. I go straight to the computer.
Its really depressing. I've lost a lot of hope.
I cant hold out for so long!!!
Maybe I'll tell my full story with more details later on. But this is a start.

I was wondering if someone has any insight into the famous letter of Rav Hutner. Is this maamer chazal davka referring to the battles with the yetzer horah regarding sexuality? Also I would like to get some feedback from a hashkafic perspective. I have never been matzliach in learning. Even in Yeshiva I could never keep my head in the game. (At that time I was being mashchis as well as doing other horrible pritzusdikke things). After yeshiva I came in contact with the computer and the addiction to pornography has gotten very strong and filled my days. Is it possible that the lack of zitsfleish and cheshek is because I have been so filled with Tumah that I am not zocheh to be able to learn?? In the last couple years I have noticed that when I would start listening to a shiur or speech in shul I wuold almost always fall asleep! Is there a correlation? Will I be able to repait this??? If someone can comment please. I would especially appreciate it if there is someone on this forum possibly a rav that may have some hashkafic insight into this.
Today is day 20 and B"H  I am feeling good about things. My davening is much better and I feel like I am starting to have a kesher with the Ribbono Shel Olam. I know I have destroyed much and it will take a long time for me to be mesaken but I guess you need to start somewhere.
P.Y>

Your Avodah is higher than the Kohanim in the Beis Hamikdash!! I have seen from experience in this feild, that anyone who truly shed tears to Hashem in his desire to break free will ultimately succeed!!

Listen though. In a practical sense, besides "Chizuk" and "Emunah" which you have a lot of, there are often other things necessary to help a person break free from this. Someone who is ill can't just get healed by having a good attitude. If you feel you are climbing up a smooth wall with your bare hands (which is incidentally what one of the Chassidic masters once said that it would be like to stay strong in the days before Moshiach), it could be you should seek some other eitzas as well, such as therapy and possibly even medication for a few months, just to help take the edge off of the obsession. I can refer you to some good frum therapists in Jerusalem if you want. Scroll down to the bottom of this page. Also, get a fool proof filter like Rimon or preferably even a white-list filter like I have - eNativ.com. And, get on the free phone conference line every Sunday. You need MORE than just chizuk. This is a powerful fight, an addiction, a disease. Do everything you can and Hashem will do the rest.

Be Holy, Congrats on reaching a month - LEVEL 4! You and Ano both reached level 4 together! (And he's a bachur, remember).

GUE is proud to crown you with the "Eved Hashem" crown. Kol hakavod.

About what you write, I feel your pain so much. We all have been there.

I had to change some of the wording in your post (the one that started "Battle log day 29") and the one in green as well. Your honesty is refreshing, but I just don't want anyone to feel your pain and desires TOO much. It can be a trigger. Your struggle and mesiras nefesh are truly inspirational and I used some of your posts for our Chizuk e-mail just this Friday. But again there you may have noticed that I removed some wordings that might have been a little too much...

Shmiras ainayim is one of the hardest things. Especially for people with these issues. The addiction is still there and the Yetzer Hara blows these things WAY out of proportion in our minds. It's all hot air. I promise if you had all these pretty women that you see, you would just want more and more and hotter and better. It never ends. The "love" you feel for them is false and empty. Ahavah hatluya bedavar ain sofo lehiskayem. And it's not even love, it's LUST. Lust is a poison that we got in our blood from the NACHASH Hakadmoni. Work on developing true love with your wife, not based on looks but based on "giving" and the sharing of children and sharing of goals.

Yes, if you work on Shmiras Ainayim, Hashem will help you realize that it's all hot air. He'll help you internalize it. But until you work "HARD", the Yetzer Hara will keep blowing it out of proportion. Also, working on Shmiras Ainayim will SAVE you from this unbearable pain. What you don't look at, doesn't hurt. The trick is to turn away as soon as something enters your field of vision. It's hard yes, but it's even HARDER to look.

Try and read some of the "Mind Tips" on our site over here, when you feel these feelings. The Shechinah is in pain with you. May Hashem give you strength to overcome.

YOU HAVEN'T FAILED! this feeling will NEVER GO AWAY! the most you can do is to control it to the best of your ability! you ARE NOT A FAILURE! you are an honest,truthful Jew seeking to improve, who just happens to have an addiction.

i had to delete the SECOND message first - it would not let me delete the FIRST one without deleting the 2nd one.by the way, i was also almost drawn to it - this is the nature of an addiction - it NEVER goes away.this is why i must stay connected to this forum!

Now that you've finished the article, I want to ask my first question.
Is acting out sexually, addictive [in his opinion]?

I've read articles describing how the availability, anonymity and low cost of internet porn, gets tons of people addicted. I want to know if he disagrees.

THERE NO SUCH THING AS MEDICATION TO STOP ADDICTION...........

Meds can be used to give a kickstart, but working the steps is what does it. Hey, non of you can argue with sience, the fact had shown and been proven over the last thiry years that for a real sex-addict nothing works except the steps.

Maby you guys/gals are nor sexaholics, but time will tell. If you keep falling back and it keep on geeting worse, then you need a program, not just this site.

KooKooReeKoo

good philospehy, but if you are a real sex-addict then all this works only untill you get hit with a temptation. this is a good indication that you are a sexaholic, and for me nothing works except God thru the twelve steps