Hi everyone

I've never written on this forum before, but I guess that I need some serious support, so I'm going to start.

My story in short
Since I was 12 I had a problem with mausterbation, I discovered the world of the computer when I was around 13.
Since then I've pretty much been addicted, the most I've ever been sober for is no more than a month and a half.
When I was 18 I decided that I would do anything to stop and I told my father and a couple of freinds what was going on.
It helped abit but I was still addicted
Fast forward to now....
around two months ago, I found this site, it really gave me hope. It was the first proper structured support system for this
addicton.
I took on an accountability partner, and was sober for a month until two weeks ago. I slipped up and I've pretty much screwed up
like.. four times since then. I've kinda given up. I'm really depressed. I feel like I'm losing control again. I feel like my
old tendencies are coming back, that if i don't feel good or i feel a bit anxious. I go straight to the computer.
Its really depressing. I've lost a lot of hope.
I cant hold out for so long!!!
Maybe I'll tell my full story with more details later on. But this is a start.

Net, you had a group in Israel and a great partner. We discussed a few times about starting a frum group here in Israel. Maybe now that you are admitting powerlessness, you are ready for the 12-Step groups more than ever. What do you think?

Also, since you parents know (which is good), you can ask for financial support to see a good therapist. They will understand the importance of it, and it will do you a lot of good. I gave you some links.

Feel free to write me for more assistance. I can try and be your sponsor when you need chizuk or have questions.

The biggest test and greatest madrega is to be able to get back up even when feeling very down. The key is never to give up. That is what Hashem wants from us, even MORE than staying clean for long periods. Hashem sometimes brings a person to a Matzav of nefillah Davka when they were doing great, not because he wasn't happy with them, but because he wants to take them to the next level, and this is only possible with falls. Like the Zohar says, there is no light that doesn't come through darkness.

That's the Lesson of Chanukah. You are LIVING Chanukah. Keep strong and light up the night!

Hi everyone

I slippped up today, I realised it was because I dont set enough boundaries on the computer
I intend to spend more time now working on my addiction. and setting clear boundaries.
It was very annoying, as I was feeling really happy this morning and accomplished,
and suddenly as I was on the computer the desires overtook me.
I can either get really depressed over this or I can grow and learn and move on.
Its a lot easier to just get depressed.
Its very hard to grow and move on, but thats what needs to be done.
I started reading the stories on the site. Very inspiring.
It really gave me chizuk to keep on fighting.
I was planning on going the whole Teves being clean.
I'm very pissed off that I screwed up in the start, what can you do, crap happens.
VERY ANNOYING!!!!!

anyway.... time to move on, what can u do?

Net

What does it mean I was planning on going the whole Teves being clean and whats your plan for Addar???

You are slam-dunk sexaholic who wants to control and enjoy it. This will only get worse, unless you work the twelve steps of recovery.

kookooreekoo

Kookoo, take it easy on this guy. He is a hard working, unmarried boy who is struggling with this in the same way that most boys are. And he has had the courage to face it, which MOST BOYS DON'T. He has been to the 12-Step groups. He has an accountability partner that he talks to almost daily on the phone, and he has asked me to be his sponsor. He even wanted to start his own 12-step group for frum people in Israel (which I still think he should). This is a courageous warrior we are talking about. I think most of us on this forum would be jealous that even though he is young and unmarried, he is struggling so hard and being so honest. He has been clean for a whole month just recently! Let's all work together and see how we can help him.

Net, the first thing you need to know is that no matter what, you can always start again from TODAY. You should be PROUD of your past accomplishments. You should be HAPPY that you are doing the work of the King of Kings and are ZOCHE to struggle in this, where most other boys in your situation just don't care. You are from Hashem's elite soldiers. And each second you hold back is priceless.

Simcha, Simcha, Simcha is the Key!! You have a NEW chance to start again today! Rejoice!

NET....
what can i say man. its the hardest thing in the world. i know.
i dont know if this is any consolation but you're not alone man.
the next time you're sitting there alone by your computer thinking
that you're gonna fall...remember you arent alone.
im in this with you man. by yourself and by myself
theres a good chance we'll fall. yes.
but together man. we can beat this.

Welcome ein yiush! It's good to have you on the forum man! - The more you strengthen others, the more strength you'll have yourself. Like you wrote in the other post, this is a war to death. What that really means is, like you wrote, promise yourself that you will never give up NO MATTER WHAT. That's the secret here, and you caught it good. It's even in your member-name "Ain Yiush"  :D