Hi Getting married is not going to help the fight.
Today I actually spoke with Dov, and he told me that for some it could make it harder.
It all depends who you are.
If someone is addicted then when they are two weeks off it could be torture. 
If your wife sees that you are into sex, she will back off and you will get no sex at all.
I've been there. 
Its in the mind

(Warning: Fairly graphic)
Throughout my struggle with pornography, the root of the problem has been my desire for a girl. I'm 20 years old, still a couple of years away from dating, and my lust to have sex with a girl is through the roof. B"H, I have refrained from "hooking up" online, but it hasn't been for lack of lusting. I actually one time created an account under a spam email address on one of those sites, and messaged a woman who asked if I would want to meet. When I responded in the affirmative, she asked if before we did, I could send her a picture of myself. I actually considered it. Then I deleted the account, the email, turned the browser off, and broke down crying. I have not re-created an account since then, but the desire to is through the roof. The only reason I haven't is because I think of how it would destroy my future, but sometimes the thought process switches to how it COULD destroy my future, and the lust encourages me to take the chance.
I've written my story on here before (guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/362124-Falling-hard-nonstop), but now I feel like I've finally hit on the root of my struggle. I don't think (and neither does my therapist) that I am an addict, as the lust is not nonstop, and often, the lust is not for porn, (I have no trouble with masturbation whatsoever, thank God), but for actual sex with a girl;  the porn is manifested in that desire. I cannot filter more than what I already have, as the access to the porn is via my PARENT'S (when I'm home) unfiltered devices, which they don't know I have access to (hence they don't see even a remote need for a filter, as they have no clue of the problem; nobody does, save for my therapist-one would never guess looking at me that I struggle with this, I do well in Yeshiva B"H, have terrific parents, B"H).
In short, it's hard, the access to hook up is often right there under my nose, and any eitzos/advice for dealing with this horrid struggle would be greatly appreciated.

One thing that really gets me down when I fall is that I'm in the parsha of Shidduchim. I am b'chasdei Hashem working on this now before marriage but every time I fall I feel this intense fear that I'll mess up marriage by not getting over this. There are tons of stories on GYE and more that I've heard personally. I want to have a healthy marriage with my head on straight.
The married folks here can fact check me on this but I guess what I need to come to terms with is that a long streak does not guarantee me a happy, healthy marriage in this inyan. Only Hashem can do that. I just need to keep fighting. Of course doing the same thing over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity but I think I have been making healthy changes. Hard changes but healthy.

Okay guys, I did a big thing today and blocked Twitter on my phone with the filter (the website and the app). I also blocked another app which allowed access to pornographic content. I had a fall this morning but I don't want to keep doing that. And I don't want to keep wasting so much time on twitter. My hand goes to the phone to unlock it and open the twitter app even now that it is gone, while I am sitting at my desk in front of my work computer. I realized that it really is like an addiction. For example, I did not go to sleep for about 45 minutes last night because I was on Twitter. And even if I had been reading instead, at least I would have been reading, and I would have gone to sleep earlier, probably, because I get tired eventually reading in a way I do not when anticipating the dopamine buzz of twitter news and twitter interactions.

Thanks to everyone who reached out to give suggestions and chizuk. 

I'm finding it really difficult to fall asleep on time. It seems the only way I can get to sleep these days is when I am completely exhausted. The only time I get more than five hours is shabbos, and a lot of days I only get three.

The main problem I'm having is with fantasy. With the amount of time I've spent with erotic material, I have a virtually endless library in my head. I can probably spend many many hours going through it all. The way I've stayed away from fantasy is by force of will. The same way I'm careful with shmiras eynayim, where I look away instantly from anything that triggers my lust (aside from my girlfriend of course, although I do try and limit the amount I lust after her). I do the same thing in my mind. Any time I have a thought that triggers lust I immediately "look away" I send my minds eye in a different direction and actively think about a different subject while letting the lustful thought go. 

I'm doing very well with this generally. Rarely I'll have incredibly vivid memories of P pop up in my mind during the day, along with my heart racing and my libido awakening, and it will take some time for that to fade away. The problem arises when I try to go to sleep. I've never been great at falling asleep and to do so requires long periods of me laying down in a very relaxed state. This means I let my guard down and my mind wanders. Inevitably this leads to thoughts of P and because I don't have my defenses up I end up thinking down a memory path longer than I want to. No longer than 10-30 seconds but this still definitely triggers me and awakens those pathways in my brain. Once this occurs I find it very difficult to "look away" in my mind and the P memory takes up more room and becomes more powerful. 

The only way I've found to deal with this is by opening my eyes and picking up my phone or a book to distract me for a while. Then I'll try and sleep again. And get triggered again. This cycle goes until I've totally exhausted myself and fall asleep. 

I'm not sure what to do here as this little sleep is definitely damaging. The cycle is hurting me. Beside the regular negative health benefits and harmful impacts on the brain, it also saps my energy that I need for shmeras eynayim. I hope as time goes on the memories will fade and I'll be able to sleep. Many people report insomnia when first kicking this addiction. For now I will just keep trucking. 

Two steps forward, one step back, or five steps forward, four steps back, the main thing is that you are still moving in the right direction and that you don't stop moving.

It's not like flipping a switch, it takes time and effort. The beginning is what is called "inspiration" the rest is called "real life." When we start off, we are driven and ready to push, but as reality sets in, we constantly have to reignite the drive to push. 

As @Sapy said, this starts with putting down clearly why you are fighting in the first place. The "Why" is going to be the most important question you will need to answer. The Y"H is going to ask you why, your phone will ask you why, your anger will ask why, your patients will ask, your loneliness will ask, etc. Everyone will be asking the same question, you better have a good answer for them or you will give up in a snap.

We don't like to do things that are hard, that's just how we are wired. (in mussar we say that if the Y"H wouldn't be stronger that the Y"T, we wouldn't have free will because we would be compelled to do good. After all, it's the truth and it's easier! Only a fool would run after physical things! In order to ensure bechira, Hashem made the wrong choice always the easier one.) One way to combat this is to give yourself enough of a reason to do the difficult option, that when you consider all the ramifications, the harder choice actually becomes the easier one.


 Never did porn? Then you really won't find it satisfying. Here is a video GYE sent out a few weeks ago that brings out this point so clearly.

im here because im not happy with myself it's a start, but what are you unhappy about? What do you feel? Is it something to do with betrayal? Do you feel like you deserve to live a better life? Is it because you feel like your wife deserves a more loyal husband? is it because you can't imagine the horror of getting caught? Is it because it take up more time than you give to things that are really important to you? Is it because it takes you away from learning and davening and spending time with family and friends? Is it because it just feels dumb and low to run to the toilet every whenever you are bored or stressed? Is it because you know that there is more meaning in life than to ejaculate as one of your primary goals in life (think about how much time we spend planning and then when you consider the bedroom, as kosher masturbation and how focused we are on getting our fix there, we can safely assume that that the goal of ejaculation is pretty high on the list)?

I am sorry if this is too harsh, I don't mean it personally, but food for thought. This is what a lot of guys go through. Please think about it.


Same here, you ain't the only one here who feels that way. Just look around the BB forum, that's what everyone is complaining about. 

The question you need to ask yourself is this, what would satisfy you? What is it that you are looking for? Check out that video that I linked earlier, it makes this point clear. What are your goals in life? What does bring you satisfaction? whatever it is, if you have healthy goals and accomplishing them brings you satisfaction, focus on those and you will have your much coveted satisfaction. 

There is a way to find satisfaction in your marriage, but  it's not going to be through pursuing your fantasies and seeking as much pleasure for yourself. Satisfaction comes from one thing and that is through building long term meaningful relationships. With relatives, friends, spouse and kids and ultimately with Hashem. When we work on our relationships, we feel satisfied. It's not a simple task, but the crux of it is focusing on the needs of others and putting them before ours.

Here are a few great videos worth watching.
gye.vids.io/videos/1c9adbb61c1de2cb94/how-do-we-protect-our-children-from-seeking-bad-pleasures
gye.vids.io/videos/4c9adbb61c1de2c7c4/what-is-the-opposite-of-addiction
gye.vids.io/videos/7c9bd1be1915eac5f4/04-everything-we-think-we-know-about-addiction-is-wrong. 
gye.vids.io/videos/709addb71c1deacbf8/give-them-a-life-to-fight-for

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Gevald! Today is brutal. Fresh images beckon enticingly. I need that signature as a reminder for a little bit. I pray I make it through the day. I am weakening...My grip is just as tight but I'm getting tired...