simchastorah wrote on 08 Feb 2025 19:43:

Simchas Torah, your self awareness and ability to express yourself so clearly, inspires me time and time again. One of the first threads I look for when I open up GYE is this one. There’s so much wisdom and self introspection that I walk away from it inspired every time. Having said that, your most recent observation resonated very deep with me. BH over the past year and a half, I have been Zoche with the help of Hashem and His holy messengers on this site, to clean up my lusting act. Sure, there are bumps in the road, every now and then the YH rears his ugly head, and I always have to remain vigilant and not grow complacent, but for the most part, it’s under control. 

However, and this is a big however, the issue you raised is a big issue that I still struggle with. There are better times and worse, but I still struggle with checking the news, and sports. Often, like you describe, I can check the news multiple times an hour, especially when it’s Bein Hazemanim. Trump isn’t making things easier for me either. My attachment to sports is usually somewhat under control, but it flares up around big events (world series, superbowl etc.). What kills me the most, is that I had gone approximately 18 years without and involvement in sports, and now I’m having trouble kicking the habit completely.

I recently attended an Oneg Shabbos Fri. night with a group of Chaveirim. There was a round table discussion about how we can improve in decreasing our relience on technology. One of the Ballei Battim of the Shul got up and said that 2 and a half years ago, he made a קבלה for the עשי"ת only, to refrain from checking news and sports, only sites that he needed to go on to for his business. It’s now 2 and a half years later, and he hasn’t broken his קבלה. He went on to describe how much better and richer his life had become since then. I was blown away by his ability to maintain a קבלה of that magnitude. I was seriously jealous, and I resolved that I got to make a short term קבלה and I’ll hopefully be able to maintain. When I shared it with my Rav, he told me that although what this individual did was admirable and is worthy of tremendous respect, it might not be for everyone. He recommended checking the news once a day on a frum website for a limited time. One thing it helped was that I was planning on listening to the Superbowl when I was in the car (I still can’t bring myself to watch it) to and from Night Seder, which I didn’t do. I only found out the score the next day. 

The way I see it. This a far more insidious and subtle problem than lust. While lust is perhaps far worse in terms of an עבירה, mindless time wasting online robs me of the ability to fully live in the moment, and fully be present in the important things that I do in life.  Also, with lust, we know that were dealing with an ugly monster and we know it’s wrong. No one will justify what he’s doing by saying it’d okay to indulge in it. But killing time online can be rationalized by saying, it’s not so bad, what I’m doing isn’t אסור outright, but the effect it has on me is hampering my ability to stay zoned in and focused on the task I’m meant to be doing. My Davening isn’t where it should be, same for my learning. The more mindless browsing I do, the more it instills a certain listlessness in me. I think that there’s a direct connection between the two. Additionally, I would like to reserve the מדה of curiosity, for things that it was meant to be used for. So I think I’ll be hopping on to your bandwagon and attempt yet another קבלח בל"נ (I’ve done similar things before, with limited success) to try to check the news on YWN only once a day for no longer then 10 minutes. I will try to keep it going at least until ר"ח אדר and if it’s going well, then I’ll try to extend it. Thank you so much for being the inspiration and giving me the kick in the pants to do this.

Welcome, many of us have been told were heavy addicts and recovered through the malachim here.

I'd highly recommend you reach out to Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com) and see what he says.

Stick around and learn the ropes, and feel the warmth, wisdom, and help this site has to offer.

Muttel

He is very farmiliar with my personal situation and he is a real proffesional and deals with much craizer cases than mine all of the time. Trust me I am a heavy addict I don't wish to give details on a public forum. 6-8 months is through the 12 step program and therapy if I white knuckle it I will not be acomplishing the goal. Rabbi A. J. Twerski ztz"l explains the diffrence between a dry drunk (white knuckling) and recovery you can see his works in the library also read his book "Teshuvah Through Recovery" it's very helpful.

1st of all welcome. Second I just have a few questions. Did he explain why you are considered a “heavy addict”. What about a 6-8 month abstinence will show that you’re ready for shidduchim and does he really understand this whole sugya. These are very black and white claims for example let’s say you white knuckle through 6 months does that make you ready now. Idk something just feels off, maybe I’m wrong.

Hi everyone, I'm a 23 year old litveshe bocher learning in a well known, very mainstream and large Yeshiva in E"Y. I have been struggling with this issue for at least eight years (maybe more) to various degrees. Over the years I have tried every eitzah I could possibly think of to help myself (some were quite creative) but non of it lasted long. I used GYE for sometime about a year ago but stopped because the computer I was using was not filtered and was causing more harm than good. Over the past year my addictive behaviors was far far worse than it has ever been before. About 2.5 months ago I met with an expert mechanech who told me that I am a "heavy addict" and I suffer from very high levels of anxiety. He set me up with a therapist who I have not been able to meet with yet for various reasons (hopefully next week I will). I contacted GYE by email and they let me know how to acsess this site which is blocked in the filtered computer kiosks in E"Y (some things are still blocked like the partner program). The aforementioned mechanech told me that I cannot start shidduchim until I am at least 6-8 months sober (at 23 years old that's really tough to take) and I need to use the 12 Step program. Currently I am twelve days clean B"H and I made it 21 days about 2 weeks ago. I would love to hear from people who have any insights about the 12 step program, people who have been clean for longer than I have, and anyone else who can offer any chizzuk, guidence and insight about the difficult journey I face up ahead.

its my 4th day that im clean for me its great progress, being addicted to porn an masturbation for over 10 years

Sorry about my English, it's not my regular language.
I trining to write my step 1. Its not easy.
I'm 31 years old and I'm in this challenge from my childhood as a 10 years old.
I understand thet my heling is only god because i have a suberity a decade ago when i got married. The period before the married wes a time thet i doven a lot to god thet i could break my addiction to porn and i find my wife. And a lot of reding about faith. I was crying every prayer and learned almost a 2 hours each day. 
But after a period of time I forgot it. And returned to porn. I understand that when I am clean and not connected to god, it's harmful to my area. I am hungry at my family and my work partners. I understand that my problem is not porn, porn is my solution that i really don't want.
I was in the 12 step program and i got to some steps alone. The problem was thet i didn't succeed in making it a routine. I'm a lucky guy thet can't live life without god. I wand to start the steps again because i couldn't do it alone. To gether my self apart i must understand they by myself alone it's not going to happen.
Another missing part in my period of sobriety wes the teaching others and helping others.
I hope new i succeed in all the parts of the program.

cleanmendy wrote on 09 Feb 2025 14:42:

Beautiful! on the topic of the gedolim and smoking....... I once heard from R' Avrohom Erlanger zatza''l that R' Chaim Ahron Turchin was the only one of the talmidim of the ruv that didn't smoke, he explained himself that he has a tayvah for it like everyone else, but chazal say ol taamin biotzmicha so he's worried that since it's addictive he might end up smoking on shabbos!! oiy the lesson for us is self understood!!!! let's keep on trucking chevra!

100 days sober has arrived b"h!

Tough day today. I gave a go-ahead to something I had approved by Rabbanim, but my wife got a spiritual message that it needs to be undone and redone in a very specific way that seemed illogical.
One one hand it felt very freeing - because the spiritual messaging has felt very controlling. But it didn't feel good to let my wife down. 
Complicated stuff.  Nothing directly involving addiction but its not easy to maneuver, to be patient with and trust the process, and to hold my serenity.

If Hashem is repaying me in kind for the pain I put my wife through - He is doing a great job. I have no qualms about being מצדיק את הדין.

Thanks for letting this challenged guy kvetch. 

I understand what you’re saying and feel the pain in your writing. 

I fully can relate to how compulsive news-checking and click-bait-clicking can be an addiction. 

 I would just like to express a word of caution about all-or-nothing thinking about this, and in general. Cutting off all avenues of distraction at once may not be healthy or realistic. Now, I’m fully aware that for an addict in addictive behavior even a small “sip” of the stuff can get him going towards a full-out binge.(and  I personally went cold-turkey on browsing You Tube and other recreational internet searches, as I’ve shared in the past). There are two sides to the argument. I don’t have a clear solution or suggestion. But I think it’s worthwhile thinking about  if there is a way to create some type of system with limits that still leave some space for gradual detox. (for example, I have 1 “Jewish” news site I allow myself, for better or worse). 

You’re courageous and growthful, and I wish you my very best in your ongoing climb, to great heights 

חיים

parev wrote on 09 Feb 2025 12:19:

Thank you, you may very well be right. I actually did start looking at a 12 step workbook yesterday and plan to continue

If you struggle with addiction then the 12 steps might be the way for you to go.
the bottom line is replacing our addiction with hashem
read up about it

Day 98 p&m ב"ה
Day 3 computer addiction ב"ה

simchastorah wrote on 08 Feb 2025 19:43:

I very much relate, doing it as I write this

simchastorah wrote on 08 Feb 2025 19:43:

I totally relate. I was also addicted to the news and technology in general. When Daf Yomi begun Sanhedrin I decided to only check the news once I've done the daf. Guess what... I haven't checked the news since! (52 days now) Which is not great news because it means that I haven't kept up with the daf either....
But with technology addiction in general I'm still struggling...

Keep up your great work. You're an inspiration!