I have heard that in the Zohar, it is said that the sin of wasted seed is the worst sin for which no recovery is possible.  And further that relations with non-Jews attaches to us even in Olam Haba. 

Not to say there aren't other factors, but these two things are like dark clouds hovering over my head.  What are the defenses against these charges?

OK, so lets say that you did understand the Zohar correctly. Now what? Does the Zohar mean that Hashem now hates you? Doe sit mean that you have no more meaning to Him? That you have no beauty and goodness in your life?

Sha"s says clearly that any person who embarrassess another in public has no part in Olam Haba. So if you once did that, and many of us certainly have, then what? What do you do about it? Do you kill youself emotionally by giving up everafter on living a deep, happy, and fulfilling beautiful life as Hashem's favorite 'ontheedgeman'-guy? Bishvili nivra Olam does not apply to you any more? Rubbish. Just plain rubbish.

It's a stain, period.

Neeeext! (or as Reb bards would put it: KEEP ON TRUCKING!)

I am serious. This is avodas Hashem we are talking about. It is your real life, not a religiously-contrived game of who is a "rasha" or "tzaddik", or who is going to gehinom or not going. And it needs to last about 80 or 90 years. Though we all suffer from it, the truth is that there is no real place for self-pity in this life. It is destructive and ruins us. It needs to be rejected as an option once we wake up. I frequently have to reject it, so I may know just how you feel...

If you are headed to gehinnom or can't do Teshuvah, then what? The way I see it, now you can serve Hashem even though you will not get a big fat honor-prize from Him for it...for after all, you have this stain on you. Nu. So you can now do what He wants for Him, instead of just for you and your ticker-tape parade in Gan Eden. We all envision something like that, you know...a ticker-tape parade. "Make way and open the gates for the tzaddik Shomer Emunim!"

Read the RMB"N's iggeres. 2/3 of the way down. So? Now you finally have a way to really see others as having an advantage over you, instead of having to manufacture one. This is nothing new. If you read the letters of many great tzaddikim and many simple Yidden from the past you will see this theme: "b'avonosai harabim asher otzmu v'robu misa'aros roshi...etc." Well, now you can say that and really mean it.

And exactly what is so bad about that? I think it is a fine place to start out. See where He takes you from there. He is very good at rearranging things and working them out so life works better, you know. He does that for me and lots of other people I know and does a fine job.

I know most of the good people around here are uncomfortable with anything but a touchy-feely, 'feel-good' kind of yiddishkeit. But I don't need to start with that. I have a G-d who loves me even if I would be a rosha c"v, and certainly even though I'd be right on my knees in that bathroom with a magazine open on the floor and 'getting the old shameful job done'. Hey, He was right there, too, with me, no? And He brought me here nonetheless! Isn't that love?

And that's enough for me to be in allegiance to Him for the rest of my life. Ashirah laShem bchayay, azamroh leiloay b'odi, ye'erav olov sichi - anochi esmach baShem!!

PS. I am not suggesting that you must do this. I am only offerring a way out for you - or rather, a way through (durch, in yiddish, I believe). Even your worst fears about this stuff can be a vehicle for you to live a better life.




I am not trying to minimize the cheit of sex with yourself (masturbation). The Zohar and Chaza"l say the truth, of course. Still, it is no reason for a Jew to give up on a great life and lose faith in Hashem's abounding love for him/her. And how can it always be halachically considered yehoreg v'al ya'avor - the case in the gemorah was surely a hora'as sho'oh for that person based on the circumstances.

But all this is not necessarily true for addicts. I know a beautiful chassidishe yid with about 20 years sobriety from lust whose acting out included prostitutes, etc., who says to his G-d every day, "Teiereh Tatteh, if I am going to act out today, then please, please take me first."

Many of us - whether sex and lust addicts or alcoholics, or whatever-aholics, have very low bottoms. Life is definitely not worth living as an acting out addict. So we truly prefer death to such a life. That is how precious our sobriety is to many of us.

This is not a madreiga, but a choice based on enlightened self-interest, plain and simple. We are so sick, that sobriety is more precious than anything else, period.

I guess that is the pnimius of "yehoreig v'al ya'avor", no? Is a Jew to die rather than do the big three because Hashem says so - or because he needs to die rather than do such things? I think it is the latter....though to those I feel are 'olam-haba-seeking goodie-goodies', the former is obviously their aspiration.

Nu. To each his own.

Hey
Mazal Tov! I made it to 90 days clean with Hashems help and the support of GYE!
I thought I'd try and list what's worked for me so far, if it will help anyone out there.

#1 Having a filter.
This is plastered all over GYE, but I gotta reiterate it. However motivated you are and however strong you think you can be, having a filter is imperative to staying clean and guarding your eyes. I use Covenant Eyes for my laptop, and Net Nanny for my android phone. Both of these filter the sites on your device, but also give your accountability partner access to view reports on everything you visit.

#2 No filter is complete without you.
That being said, every filter has its holes in the system. I don't want to bring attention to them and cause temptation for anyone unaware of them, but I personally know where the yetzer hora takes me to that isn't blocked. So you need to stay far away from them - be it having a phone curfew, restricting your use of devices when alone or in the bathroom - whatever works for you. This is still a battle for me, so bring on #3.

#3 Hashem is in control.
Talk to G-d. We can't do this alone. Ask Him to take away temptation and help us through this... It helps.

#4 90 days chart.
This isn't the ultimate goal, nor am I immune now, but having a goal in sight is infinitely helpful in overcoming the temptation rush. Join the climb, update regularly and appreciate how well you are doing! It definitely helped me.

#5 Music
As I type, I'm listening to some awesome Jewish music. While I do listen to non-jewish music, I have seen the difference in staying clean when tempted while listening to 'kosher' music. Try it - there's something that just calms you and really helps there. Combine this with #6 for the ultimate recipe .

#6 Distraction
Sitting in your room and white-knuckling doesn't work. Guaranteed that long term it's easier if you train yourself to never open the door to the temptation. Find a hobby, exercise, phone your parents or treat yourself to an ice cream. Whatever distracts you - it's not cheating, it helps. For me this was one of the most important, and now the temptation doesn't find its way in from boredom .

#7 Guard your eyes (and hands) - from yourself.
Maybe this should have been #1, because for me this is literally the game changer. When I turned around and decided to stop on Tisha Bav, I also made this commitment. Basically I thought about it logically and realised that dieting is impossible if there's cake on the table always. SO - DON'T LOOK AND DONT TOUCH. Never look at or touch your Makom Habris. It's that simple. You lie to yourself and say you need to when you go to the bathroom etc, but your brain isn't that stupid... You learn to be excused while not touching it. Looking is much harder, but don't look down. Showering is the hardest time but you can do it! For me this totally changes things - it made staying clean a thousand times easier.

#8 Talk to people.
Whether you're ready to tell a real person, or post on GYE, talking out what works and does't and how you're doing is a crucial part of recovery.

#9 Don't get down.
It's hard. Don't get depressed. Firstly, for me I know that falling is the worst thing and impossible to get back up. So I use the three second rule, if you see something think and then look away. Then congratulate yourself! Don't let the Yetzer Hora win. Same goes for nights... unintentional falls don't count. So don't be upset, Just KEEP ON TRUCKING.

I had lots to write but thats all I can think of now. Feel free to add chizuk and comments in reply, I can't wait to read them - I'm still on this journey too. If any of the moderators could pin this for a while I'd appreciate that because I really want those who can to benefit from this. KOT guys. Thank you all. Kol Tuv!

S

TWENTY! yes i'm entering my 20th day b"h.
Over the last few days i had a couple of nisyonos that almost had me fall, but i managed to overcome them. Hope y'all doin' great!

Ok.
Day 4.
What do you do if I am up at 3 am?
First, get out of my bedroom, check my chart, and write on the log.
Weather the storm, I guess.
And some little reading of the beautiful manual.

Mazel Tov!!

Maybe you wanna read this here

Keep on Trucking!!

Shovavim 5776 - Next week we start the weeks of shovavim which are characterized of being a special time for Tikun habrit. And especially this year that has two months of Adar. Some basics to keep in mind for those of us who would like to fix the bad and enhance good habits are , watching our eyes from viewing the improper. By not feeding our eyes improper and mundane images , all our limbs get to be sanctified and our souls sore to new heights and doing what is proper becomes easier.
In addition we should keep our minds clean from improper thoughts which is a ramification of watching our eyes, that is our physical and mental eyes. By guarding what we think and keeping our thoughts clean we then reach such a state of purity that we are pulled body and soul like a magnet towards doing Torah and Mitzvos. Thirdly ,praying to G.od to help us with the above habits of kedusha and asking Him that if G.od forbid at some time we could not keep them , the improper look should not leave an impression in our minds.
May we be strengthened in these upcoming days of shovavim to leave our old bad habits and to enter a new era in our lives. May we add kedusha in the hearts of klal yisrael. Keep On Trucking guys we are worth it !

Sorry to hear about your fall......

But it's as the others wrote FELL SHMELL!!! The only thing we can do with a fall is learn from it, and learn from it you did!!!

I found two points in what you wrote 1) Opportunity. But more importantly 2) plonialmoni11 wrote:


That really hit home for me, because when I hit that realization it was simple that I needed to put most of my focus on that!! The unfiltered computer, home alone, on the plane, etc. were all just the places where all the built up triggers could shoot. But if I could learn to stop the triggers, then they wouldn't need to shoot!! So I started working on shemiras einayim, and lusting after my wife which I found were two of my main lusting points.

A little bit after that after falling after 152 days I learned that there is another "trigger" and that is my attitude towards life, and if my attitude was negative then I would look for lsut and eventually slip and fall. So I started working on that.

Get up!! JUST KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!! It's one day at a time here, and today we can be clean, all of us the same, just for today!!