I’m a 28-year-old married man and I admit I have a Sex/Lust addiction. I’ve been battling this addiction for quite some time now and went to get help by attending SA. My longest clean streak was 29 days and fell. I’m currently 11 days clean trying to avoid lust and triggers wherever they may be. On my way to work today I was walking down the street and half a block in front of me I saw a woman who was wearing dark stockings and a skirt which was too short for this weather or for any weather a matter of fact. As soon as I saw her, I crossed the street so I wouldn’t take another look. While I was crossing the street, I just hatted the fact that because I am an addict, I had to cross the street and I was not able to be like a normal person who would just forget about her as soon as she walks by. This type of mindset of hating myself for not being “normal” led me to my last fall. On one hand I understand that I have to stay away from certain scenes and situations because it might take over me but on the other hand, I still want to enjoy the simple things and not have to hide myself like an overly sensitive fool.
I know I need to maintain the right mindset. This reminds me of what we read in SA “What is a Sexaholic and What is Sexual Sobriety” I edited it to speak to myself “I admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but i simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking But I know any form of drinking will drive me to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not I did not FULLY give myself to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for ME who know I have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this……My issue is…I am still doubting the last sentence because I feel like I can control it and need to remind myself that I really can’t. How do I maintain the right mindset without feeling like an ADDICT? Is that even possible?
