I hear what everyone on the call was saying and I do resonate very much with them. I hear that I should try to be doing whatever it is that Hashem wants me to do, and not what it is that I want to do. And I know that I cannot argue with reality because will just make me angry and not change anything. However if you want to tell me that I should only learn the amount that I need in order to truly be able to serve Hashem well that is the entire Torah! And if you want to quote me a bunch of sources that say I should be working and learning well that is very nice, but what did work mean to those people?! Rabbeinu Tam sold wine but that was like 3 hours a day! Rashi grew grapes but that was like 3 hours a day! The Chafetz Chaim had a fish market but that was for 2 hours a day! The Rambam writes that every body MUST work and learn! But he says that the ratio between learning and working is 3 hours of working to 9 hours of learning!! How could that be? I can almost guarantee without a shadow of a doubt that if the Rambam was alive today he would not have spent 10 years of elementary school 4 years of high school 4 years of college 4 years of medical school 4 years of residency 3 years of a fellowship in order to be a doctor! It just is not possible to be the Rambam and do that. You can have guys who are very learned and they are doctors but they probably are not working so much as doctors. I know one doctor who learns 5 out of every six weeks and then makes a nice living. but other than that it just does not happen to much. I have a very hard time with this idea...that I am never going to fully know the depths of Torah because I do not have the mind for it nor the time...and as much as I wish it was otherwise I know it will never change. But I have a very hard time accepting that this is called fair. That certain people get to know Hashem so well and I and others do not get to know Him as well that does not seem to be fair. I know that nothing in the world will change this. I know that if I can be a super masmid and learn all day and night and pray that Hashem make me smart so I can be a rosh yeshiva or something and that way I can learn as much as possible.
I am not saying that I think everyone should sit and learn all day I know that that is simply not the way it is supposed to be. However, I want to be able to learn...and idk....

Do you have a question, or are you just venting?

just venting...but i guess i would phrase my venting in the form of a quesiton in terms of how is it that I am supposed to not be upset with my reality when I believe that in reality I should be doing more learning?

What would you tell someone who is in the hospital and needs to rest, but they complain that they need to learn so they can be a big rosh yeshiva, and it's not fair that they have all these medical issues so they can't learn that much?

"That certain people get to know Hashem so well and I and others do not get to know Him as well"

you will get to know Hashem as well, only from your own "נסיונות", not from argue with reality!!

Ok I hear what you are saying and I think you are correct. Because just like I would not think the sick person has a legitimate complaint neither do I. Hashem chooses what each persons tafkid is in life and it is up to us to fulfill whatever it is that He wants us to do with gifts that He has given us. Now my question is how do I know what my tafkid is in life? what profession am i supposed to choose?

Pinchas wrote:
Ask your rav, rebbi, mashgiach.

Pinchas wrote:
Ask a guidance councellor



oh, and you probably have more of an idea than you think.

You are so right I know you are...and your words really uplifted me. I really appreciate your answers thank you so much for taking out the time to answer me.

[quote="gibbor120" post=206865]Pinchas wrote:
Ask your rav, rebbi, mashgiach.

Pinchas wrote:
Ask a guidance councellor

that's all right but the 1'st thing is "connect to the reality"
the reality is "your" personal tafkid, that what hashem described specialy for you "בהשגחה פרטית"
now a tip to find the reality,
1) here, not in בהמ"ד, or collel, just here,
2) now, not yesterday, not the next day, week, year,העבר אין, העתיד עדיין
3) my self, not my brother, not the those people, רמב"ם, רבינו תם, חפץ חיים

be strong & get stronger davn for me & i will davn for you

thank you so much Yosef S I could really use that chizzuk!

I wrote it because i need it too, thank you for bringing up the topic, together we will get stronger

Um hello.

Hi.

so um ya.

wait! yes first of all I ALSO want the answers to tafkid in life and proffesion and should I take a profession or ARGH! ok yes confusing venting GREAT.

um.

so ya, also its not true you have to read ONE MINUTE MASMID, by R, Rietti, great stuff, you can master Torah no matter what situation your in. Read it, Buy it, LOVE IT (I am not being paid by the Rabbi...)

also Tafkid, my R said that if you do whats correct in the situation that Hashem puts you in youll find your way.

So dont Vent... umm... what rhymes with VENT?? ARGHH!!! I keep venting gosh

Short and to the point

lol im surprised you got something useful out of that rant above.

good im happy.

I reread my post and wanted to explain that one minute masmid is another approach to systematic learning with constant review. If you do that or any system like that , talmudo byado etc. youll see your knowledge accumulate, you can do it with anything, mishna tanach chumash, and youll know and learn a lot. But R Rietti said alot of nice things in the book so Im recommending it. You can accomplish a lot of learning in a small amount of time even if you do work. Now figuring out what your going to do etc. let me know if you have any tips.

In my humble opinion, this is what I heard from a Rabbi (who is very unconventional):

It used to be that being a Rabbi wasn't a profession. You'd have a businessman who had the time to learn Torah all day, and when the community Rav died, the community would ask him to take over. Now, the businessman shouldn't have to go out of business and lose his source of livelihood because the community pressures him to accept the position; therefore, they pay him a salary.

I agree with you that it is not fair that certain people say "well, I'm just going to go out and learn all day and make the community support myself and my hungry children". that's not fair to their family, and that's not fair to the people that have to support them.

It's a hard question. I do think, though, that you don't have to be a Torah scholar to know Hashem; "echad hamarbeh v'echad hamam'it, uvilvad sheyechavein es libo l'aviv shebashamayim". You learn as much as possible, and you be the best person YOU can possibly be, because Hashem put you in your specific circumstance.

Also, you said this:

"just venting...but i guess i would phrase my venting in the form of a quesiton in terms of how is it that I am supposed to not be upset with my reality when I believe that in reality I should be doing more learning?"

I know for me, sometimes I put pressure on myself to learn too much, and when I'm not, then I get depressed and don't learn anything. Better to learn fifteen minutes a day and be proud of yourself than learn nothing while beating yourself up the whole time. Chas v'shalom that I am saying that we should be satisfied with a small amount; but I am saying that it would be counterproductive to be depressed for not learning 16 hours a day. We are building up to our maximum learning potential, and while we are getting there it would be pointless to beat ourselves up for not being at that max potential already.

I like you Pidiani! Keep shteiging!