A lot of this is 4th step stuff. No harm done, though, just save it for a month from now!
OK, so in the relationships you wrote about that affect you and motivate you to feel/react a certain way, the thing we are focusing on in this step is purely this:
In your heart, do you look to any of these powerful folks/things for the salvation of your own adequacy, self-esteem, or comfort? In what ways do you truly put them on a pedestal of power over you? Specifically, how do you see yourself as
needy when they are around?
Here is a peek at where this is going:
The goal of this stuff is to write up a list of qualities that you naturally seek in your dependence. It will show you what things you really need in your relationship with G-d.
That is huge.
Just write, think, and write.
We end up seeing what we have been dependent on in a Higher Power, and often exactly why our twisted concept of Hashem has not been working for us. We have all been desperate for acting out - even though it was much trouble and cost. We were working so hard for
something all those years. Once we admit exactly what we were/are
looking for in the desperate searches for more sex, lust, fantasy, and our other dependencies - how we hoped beyond hope that they would save us - we can now look to Hashem for what we obviously really need.
Make any sense?