HKBH just sent me tremendous chizuk out of the blue. I know He's watching out for me, I know he is giving me everything I need. I just am so blinded by the stress of not making it financially, that I can't see beyond it. I know HKBH gives us exactly what we need, I know that every second of life is a glorious gift from above, I know that we have our health, I know that I could C"V not be here anymore (so money problems is a pretty good alternative!) I'm sure this is a major kapara (I know I could use that) and its better to suffer in this world. Eretz Yisrael is acquired with suffering, I accept. But this is all in my brain, maybe it sunk into my heart, but it isnt in my kishkas. I need to function with a smile, to be happy, really happy. The pressure is just so overbearing, the bank, credit card companies, gmachim that I owe, schools whose payments are being returned by the bank. How do I deal with these things, while maintaing simcha, not just a facade, but real genuine internal simcha?

gesher, i feel your pain
i think most of us struggle with that very issue, we all know the info - Hashem is providing and protecting, but to get that info into our hearts and live it is the challenge.
You can ask His help for that as well as with everything else...

keep up your great work

Tell me Zemiros, does throwing dead possums really help?
And if so, where can I get some?

well, did you try kickboxing first? that usually works for most people...

you can come to my Possum Ranch if you need live possums
for dead ones just drive down and Interstate highway...

Oy, gesher, im so sorry im late. im running again but want to come back to your thread.
Gesh, heeninee muchan umezuman laa'azor oscha bikul mah sheani yachol.
The least i can say to you is that were here for you. Post again and tell us what's going on exactly. I'll get the boys together to give u a hand, maybe a coke and fries

Not sure what there is to say anymore. I guess all these years using M as a stress release leaves me extremely vulnerable now. I guess I never really learned how to deal with stress properly, because now I just feel myself sinking into depression. I wont go back to M, because that's behind me now. In fact today I really overcame a difficult nisayon. Someone, who Ive fantasized about in the past, was at the house helping my wife. I felt the YH attack the second she walked in. But BH we fought it, and with Hashem's help didnt slip.
We have always been in financial trouble and I have always been very strong on emunah and bitachon. I know all the answers and all the right things to say. I turn to HKBH. But its just reached a new level where my wife and I feel like we are on the brink of collapse. Usually one of us is strong when the other is down, so we help each other. Now we are both down and supporting each other but we are both crushed. As I've said we know all the answers, but when you're dealing with it, your body just shuts down. I dont wake up in the AM for davening I have no strength to do my jobs. I think I cried for the first time in my life about parnassah. I tried to use the emotion for good and opened a tehillim and davened to HKBH, but the tears dried up as I said the tehillim. Im telling you, If not for GYE and all you guys I would have fallen already.

that sounds so painful
i wish i could say/do something to help you
i will keep you in mind at davening
keep talking to the RBSO and us on gye
hope things get better soon

Shabbos is wonderful! Why can't it last longer? No stress. Although it was hard to get out of the Erev Shabbos depression that I was in. By the time shabbos ended I had myself back in a good place. But the new week starts with all its fears and worries, trying to hold on to the inspiration of Shabbos. Im working hard on keeping the proper attitude, and realizing How much Hashem loves me, and how fortunate I am to have all that I have (if I listed it all it would be a really long post). BH the count continues with the kind supporters at GYE. You all are part of the long list of how fortunate I am!

BH still moving forward!

I haven't really posted meaningful things here recently. My other posts seem to draw more attention and bring out more of my thought process. And to repeat everything here is redundant, unnecessary, and superfluous. 

Level 3 !!!!!!!! ??? :-\ :'(
sorry for the emotion switch, you'd think it was that time of the month or something.
I'd like to celebrate and I am happy about the success. Im just still stuck in the depression. Its not causing problems, but I have to get out of it. There have been alot of good suggestions, and I appreciate the people who have the positive bitachon attitude but it doesnt help someone who is down. Of course they are right and driving that point home doesnt encourage me, it depresses me further. Because I was always that kind of  a person, thinking positvely full of bitachon learning the mussar sforim, saying parshas Haman (no comments from the purim chevra please!) but apparently that was all superficial. I was able to be calm because I had a way to calm myself down. Now I see that without that at my disposal  ??? I am left with nothing.  :'(
I really think that I have to join a support group, to figure out how to really connect with HKBH !!!!!

you should be happy that you are willing to take action to help yourself
that is a gift of its own

geshertzarmeod wrote on 01 Mar 2011 08:32:


We will respect your wishes!
David/Rage wrote on 01 Mar 2011 22:20:

I just wanted to acknowledge the GYE network in helping me so far. First of all the stress factor has been reduced thanks to just knowing that youre all there suporting. I dont know if the suggestions got me back to where I should be or what. Or maybe its just the laughs from the nuttiest group of guys I've never met!  ???
Regardless its helped. I also got thru a rough spell of dealing with a family member, who its my job to deal with. I cant get into details but its been just as taxing as the financial issues. Maybe thats why I broke. Now comes the real challenge! My wife is off limits and I'm leaving town Sunday night. BH the in flight entertainment doesnt interest me anymore, I actually look forward to having solid learning time with no interuptions. I cant sleep on planes either.
So here I am late at night, feeling tremendous gratitude to HKBH and his little helpers (thats you guys) for the feeling that I really can get by with a little help from my friends. 

and thank you gesher for adding so much here!
hatzlocha with the trip, the family, the money, the stress and the iguana hunt