Keep up the good work!

I'm very happy that you were able to get past the resentment without the drug.

This is truly hard work.

world!
so good 2 hear from you!
sorry I dropped off the face of the earth
speaking of hard work
we got alot to do!
lets start...
tomorrow!

hi Gesher,
glad to hear you are doing well!
KOT

Thanks Zem
But doing well is relative. With 2 weeks to go to 90 days the YH is fighting hard. All the stressors are coming back in full force. Financial stress & procrastination which always have led to problems of fantasizing to escape reality and we know where that goes.
NO MORE!!!!!
we know better now!
Its just a smoke screen!
Its just a distraction!
Its just a way to distance me from HKBH!
Im not going to fall for it! I want to stay connected!
And the only way is by holding on tight and not being distracted.
Hashem you made me you gave me this YH
I turn to you to help me against him! I cant do it alone!

beautiful.


:D  May you be zoicheh to continue strong BE"H Yisborach.

Well we finally made it!!! 90 days!!! To be honest, I’m not extremely excited. I’m just grateful and extremely wary. Like the title of my thread, “been there done that” nothing is guaranteed. I know I shouldn’t look at the future and just focus on the accomplishments, but I’m wary of getting overconfident. I must admit however that this process has given me the ability to be in control of aspects of my life that until now have been very hard, almost impossible, to control. The urges are still there, the financial pressure, the procrastination, all the same triggers will not go away, but I’m able to recognize them for what they are, and to control the urge. I still have to work on dealing with it in more productive ways, redirecting the energy and whatever else can be done to deal with these pressures better. But in the meantime, I am grateful to HKBH for the ability to function like a yid should, despite these pressures.
With that feeling of gratitude in mind, I’d like to share something I saw in the sefer “Usfartem Lachem.” I don’t profess to understand anything about the sfiros, I defer to the experts, rather I’m just translating what he says to the best of my ability. Today is the 26th day of the Omer which is the middah of Hode SheBenetzach. “When a person is zocheh to defeat (netzach) his YH and to fulfill and keep Hashem’s will, whether it be keeping the positive commands or being careful not to transgress the negative commands. He should immediately thank (Hode) HKBH and should pay attention to the fact that in a general sense this is included in our daily tefillah,
"ברוך אלוקינו שבראנו לכבודו והבדילנו מן התועים ונתן לנו תורת אמת וחיי עולם נטע בתוכנו"
And in this way he completes his victory over the YH by thanking HKBH.
So although I am not getting overconfident, I am extremely grateful to HKBH for giving me the opportunity(ies) to get close to him. Specifically by getting me in touch with GYE and the entire chevra. I am truly honored to be in the same daled amos as the rest of you, even if its only a virtual daled amos, I feel your support, love, and kedusha. Keep up the good work everyone. 90 days is not the goal! Its just one step in the process. It’s a life time process that we are just going to take one step at a time.
L'chayim!!!!!!

Wonderful!

L'chaim.

Keep on working hard.

You are an inspiration.

Gevaldig.

Thanks! That means the world to me!

Mazel Tov!!!
I disagree with you a little bit. It is true that the goal is life and not just 90.
But the YH is trying to minimize your accomplishment. He wants you to think that's it's not such a big deal, so that when it gets difficult again, you will not have the confidence to overcome.

DON"T GIVE IN TO HIM!!!!!!! It is a great accomplishment!
Feel Good about yourself!!
You set your mind to a goal, it was not easy, and you saw it through till the end!!
YOU ARE TRULY GREAT!!!
A KOVESH ES YITZRO!!!
A MA'AVIR AL MIDOSOV!!!!!
And you are an inspiration to many more people on this site than you can know - myself included.

It is true that your work is not over. You must keep working and know that the battle will not simply go away. But use the success you have felt now, and allow yourself to look back and appreciate it, and the strength you gain from there will help propel you Vaiter.

Hatzlocha and Mazel Tov!!!
Reb Yid

I know you're right Reb Yid. Im just so _____ afraid of this YH. Ive been trying to fight it for over 30 years. Whenvever I think I got over it, conquered it etc... he just comes back and says, "Oh yeah? let's see?" Im deathly afraid!
So Im trying to stay focused by not getting too excited. Ive stayed clean for over  a year, a looooooooooong time ago. I thought I had really succeeded against the YH ( I know you'll say that I did succeed for over a year, and thats true) but thats the reason why 90 days doesnt seem so big to me, as Ive said "been there done that."
OK so its the wrong attitude.
So I've got to come up with a better healthier way of expressing my concerns. I'll work on it.
Thanks for the chizuk!

OK, I went back to the sefer Usfartem Lachem for some clarity. Today's middah is yesod shebenetzach. He addresses three issues. First of all, he stresses something that I think we all know, just we sometimes forget. In order to be victorious (netzach) in all areas and in order that it should be everlasting (netzach) one needs to be extremely diligent in his victories in matters of kedusha and tahara (yesod). Which is our business here in GYE. So yes, I have started in the right place and I think it’s a good sign that today's middah is yesod shenetzach on the day that I moved up to the wall of honor. Second, in order to achieve an everlasting victory and to get advice for how to battle the YH (netzach), one should humble himself before tzaddikim (yesod). So I think I need to go to a tzaddik for some guidance on how to make this last. Third and here's the most positive way to express what I was saying in my previous posts. When one is victorious against his YH he should beware not to become haughty at all. As it says "Anyone who has haughtiness in him, it's as if he has had relations with all of the arayos." And consequently he has lost his tahara. Rather he should exceedingly humble himself as Dovid HaMelech said,  ולבי חלל בקרבי because he hasn’t succeeded in killing his YH yet.
That’s it!!!
To clarify, I'm excited! I'm thrilled! It’s a great accomplishment! But there's a hole in my heart. It's like every family simcha that we have, I'm thrilled and excited but my mother is no longer with us to celebrate, so there's a hole in my heart. If I was on the proper level I would feel the same about not having the Beis HaMikdash.
אעלה את ירושלים על ראש שמחתי
But that’s the feeling that I have. I hope I clarified.
I must add a qualifier here, based on a conversation with a certain GYE hero. Perhaps this feeling is only appropriate for me. It could be that people who are in the 12 steps or SA and are recovering, shouldn’t feel this way and should only focus on the victory.

Look.
It's the truth.
Having clean time under your belt is an INCENTIVE to stay clean.
But from experience we know that it is in no way a FORTRESS that protects us.
Of course, the hergel of not acting out goes a long way in minimizing your nisyonos....
but from time to time you are guaranteed to have tremendous nisyonos that will require all-out wars of their own.
The only way to succeed is to continue to work on ourselves, as if our life depends on it (which it does).
The y"h is always on the rise, and you need to always be on the rise as well; no status quo.

Ok fine.
If you are really stuck, I will serve as your Tzadik. Just drop me a Kvitel and all will be well.

world, who is the guy on the picture next to your nick?

R' Bardichev