But here's the problem.  If I don't feel bad about it, then I am less motivated to stop.
Just the fact that I now know that so many other frum Jews have the same problem gives me this unfortunate sense that it isn't such a big deal because it is something that everyone struggles with.
So my problem is, how do I not get too down on myself on the one hand, and yet still feel that I have a serious problem that needs to be addressed?
This post comes of course after I messed up twice in one week.  Oy vey, I need a better filter. 

pintele.Jew wrote on 09 Sep 2009 03:12:


You need to know who you really are. Not what you think of yourself with all the lust. I know that if you knew who you can become, that itself is enough motivation to stop!

You don't need to get down on yourself at all. You just need to know that the y"h/addiction can KILL you. It's a state of emergency; there's no time for getting down on yourself, you have a war to fight. In fact, getting down on yourself is part of the addiction cycle which means that it's enemy #1. You need to run away from it like from fire, at least as much as you need to run away from acting out!

We have a mission and we need to focus on it!!! That's what we were created for; not to judge our self and assess our self!
We should appreciate that Hashem chose us as His representatives to carry out this dangerous mission and we should carry out our mission with Simcha shel Mitzvah! If we do that the y"h won't have a fighting chance!

:)CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

Well, its been a few months since I posted here, and things have been all down hill.  I keep messing up, and theres no end in sight.  Heres the problem.  I have a VERY good relationship with my wife.  We get along so well, and I cant bear to think of damaging the relationship we have.  And because I am somewhat in control in that I dont do it every day, but just on occasion, I dont think its bad enough for me to go to therapy or anything.  I think the Accountability software from covenanteyes.com would be very effective, if I could get a good partner to keep my accountable, and I am soo scared of having it be my wife.  Any advice?

pintele.Jew wrote on 23 Feb 2010 04:51:


Hey PY,

Welcome back to the forum. You may have noticed some different things going on in the forum and the website since your last visit here. GYE is growing baruch Hashem. With regards to the issue at hand, I would say the problem is more than you just needing a good accountability partner. If the problem persists, its probably us whso doing something wrong and not our computers. If you want advice on a good accountability partner how about a Rabbi. If you think thats too risky then maybe you dont really think that accountability software is thr answer to your problems as many of us have found.

Well either way I wish you much Hatzlocha and hope you continue to stay on board here on GYE even when Beezras hashem things are going well.

-Yiddle

Hey Yiddle,
I am thinking of a couple of rabbis who I think could do it.  The problem with one of them is that I dont know how often he actually checks his computer, and he is very busy and I dont know if he will actually be able to keep track.  The other rabbi is on the internet frequently but I think I am afraid to speak to him about it, plus he lives in another city so I think it would be harder long distance. 
I think the basic problem is that anyone who I am comfortable telling that I need an accountability partner, I would probably be comfortable letting him see that I am nichshal once in a while.  But I think either of those rabbonim would probably do the trick if they kept track.
I think one problem I have psychologically with reading people's stories on the gye website and with the gye partner program is that it gives legitimacy to what I am doing.  I can now tell myself that: 1) everyone else is doing it, 2) I'm addicted and I can't help it, 3) other people are much worse (I never was nichshal on a daily basis, it has always been off and on).  What do you think?
Thanks,
A struggling yid

Welcome back!!!

We are like a family

No one falls off the
Truck!!!!


KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!

Bards

I am starting the accountability program tonight IYH.  I found a rebbe to be my partner.  I didnt need to get into all the details, but just that a filter doesnt do enough, and I want someone to constantly be watching me.  I am really hoping this will do the trick!