So here is my deal for Purim.  Yesterday and today I faced two situations which I never ever passed before.  Last night I was faced with the same thing that caused me to fall the last two times that I had streaks of over 30 days.  I just barely managed to persevere with the help of Hashem.  Over the next 5 days I will be faced with an even larger battle as I am going to be in the place that caused me to fall all along.  I must keep strong over the next 5 days and defeat the Y"H in this battle.  This will be the defining moment of my recovery since joining GYE.  I may be unable to post much here on GYE but when I do have the opportunity, I will keep everyone posted (pun intended).  With the strength that I have gained from Hashem's help, and the group of guys that I am with here on GYE, I will B"H be able to overcome the Y"H's attempts to defeat me.  this is literally the moment that I have been waiting for since joining GYE, to see whether or not I am truly on the road to recovery.  The Y"H has decided that he too will come along for the ride and he has already hopped on board.  The filter program that I use was just malfunctioning, and I called up the company to find out how to fix it.  The "brilliant" guy that answered my call decided that he would tell me how to sneak around the filter to fix it.  Only after I fixed the problem did I realize that he had told me how to circumvent the filter for inappropriate uses as well.  Oh well!! I guess the Y"H really does think that this is the only opportunity he is going to get.  Well, I must say that it was a pretty brilliant move on his part but,  I will not let him defeat me.  Try all he may, but I will not go down!!  With the help of Hashem, I will persevere!!

Rising Up 

GEVALDIG!!!!!!



B'sheim Hashem, Naale v'natzliach!!!





Do you have phone numbers of GYE Pals whom you can call if the need shall arise?

Oftentimes, just 'connecting' with another fellow struggler works - even if no words were exchanged that are pertinent to the specific trap which the Yetzer Horah set up.....

Rising, I know you have posted on my threads b4, and I was going thru the chart and I saw your name so I pressed on your link. read a page or two of your posts and feel inspired by your perseverance (did i spell that right?) anyhow just to say yasher koach to you in your battle. and in your dealing with the knowledge about the filter. I dont think that there is any foolproof way to filter everything (where there is a will theres a way) but I think that you now have the tools to avoid using the loophole even though it exists. Its a lot harder to get to it thru the loophole which will give you enough time to signal for help. Wishing you lots of hatzlacha and davening for your success!

Thank You!!!

Have a Wonderful Shabbos!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baruch Hashem I had an awesome Purim!!!

I am looking forward to an uplifting final two weeks of the Z'man.  I hope that these two weeks will provide some sort of segue into a long Bein Ha'zmanim.  I feel that I have the tools necessary to fight the battle against the Y"H.  Thanks to all those here on GYE, I have had a new and fulfilling life.  It is unreal to be able to describe what the lack of depression feels like.  After so many years of sinking into depression following a fall, I have come to lead a meaningful life.  Now, I no longer go through the day wondering whether I will be able to prevail over my Y"H.  I can live freely knowing that I no longer have to hide anything from those that are around me.  I thoroughly enjoy being a true eved Hashem.  Freedom At Last!!! (from Depression, not the Addiction)

Rising Up

Man!!!  This pesky Y"H!! He just won't stop bothering me!!!  For the first time in over two months I started having urges again today.  I used a lot of the advice that I have received here at GYE to counteract these feelings.  It was also good to be able to pass the test of being alone again today (in front of an unfiltered computer).  I feel that I am not out of the proverbial woods, and whatever type of argument that the Y"H has been trying to convince me that I am not really an addict is complete baloney!! Good for today and only today is what matters!!

Rising Up

Good for you Rising!
Both that you had the urge, and that you overcame it.
why good for you that you have it?
because it means your alive and kicking!
ad meah v'esrim you should continue to have the YH its an essential part of living and we all (HKBH included) love you for it.
KOT and have a gr8 shabbos!

Thank you and have a wonderful Shabbos yourself!!!

good going!

RisingUp wrote on 25 Mar 2011 05:32:

methinks that you should look into getting a good tent, mosquito spray, GPS and an M-16 and get used to seeing a lot of trees. these proverbial woods are sort of like the Hundred Acre Woods in Winnie the pooh except that they aren't limited to 100 acres...
just like an asthmatic who needs to be careful with air pollution and other irritants, someone who misuses lust becomes sensitive to it for life and needs to live life with a heightened awareness and level of caution. which is a good thing.

so fill up your canteen with sumfin' good and say hi to Smokey Bear

If I'm not getting out of the woods why do I need a GPS?!?

At the next tree turn left...  recalculating... ... ... ...  Turn right at the end of the log...  Then continue straight for 100 trees...  Turn left...  recalculating... ... ... ... ...  lost satellites  acquiring satellites... ... ... ... ... ... 

I get it now.  Without the GPS I'll convince myself that cutting down the trees will get me there faster when all it does is make the wall around me harder to get by.

RisingUp wrote on 25 Mar 2011 16:15:

well how else will you find the pub, lemonade stand, gemach, truck parking, cholint kiosk, Novardok shteibel, and the coffee room?

Is it possible for me to get more RAM in by head?  I am feeling overloaded with work (I am overloaded with work).  HElpppppp!!!!! 

(This is not related to GYE struggles) 

Why don't you try to delete some of the a-virus files of your pre-GYE days, that will make room for more of the good stuff in your brain!!!

Is it really shayach to delete this garbage from your brain? Im not asking seriously, but there is so much junk from the TV and movies that I used to watch. It doesnt go away. Aderaba, it usually pops up during seder and or davening. What can be done about that?

I know that I won't be able to delete the schmutz from my mind.  What about clearing the cache and emptying the RAM without having to shut down??