RisingUp wrote on 07 Feb 2011 05:26:

glad to hear you are still on the right side of clean. that itself should give you ample reason to be upbeat. keep writing/posting/talking to us and to Hashem, that can be the outlet you need and possibly the way out of loneliness as well. and sometimes the best way to get chizuk is to give chizuk, as you have been doing.
i am in the bleachers, holding up a sign with your number and hollering for you

Congratulations to GYE on 25,000 posts!!!!

RisingUp wrote on 07 Feb 2011 18:45:


Whatcha talkin about?

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 07 Feb 2011 18:53:


I meant specifically for the "Wall of Honor".

          Here I am, victorious after a four day battle. Thank you Hashem.  Many lessons have been learned over the past four days.  I have to give thanks to all those that supported me throughout the battle from the preparation to the battle to the final day.  Those that gave me their phone numbers should be expecting a call sometime soon.  Those that provided encouragement will receive it doubly in their own time of need.  Those that clicked on my thread will also have their threads clicked on (I try to read every single new post, so I got you covered). 
          It was truly amazing to watch MYSELF grow over the course of a weekend.  It came with the help of so many people here at GYE.  My ability to conquer the Y"H in a test which I can say I had probably only beaten maybe 1-2 other times in the past out of at least a dozen times, was truly astounding to myself.  This was something that is and will be directly attributed to the support that I had, have and will receive here on GYE.  I can only say that what made the difference this time, was that I was not alone as I spent these four days by myself.  Alone in presence yes, in character, no.  The ability to withstand any temptation, to throw my hands up in front of my face when the Y"H came knocking, to lock that door and say, scream, YELL AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS: "I WILL NOT LET YOU IN, I WILL NOT FALL!!!"  This is something that I never had the ability to do, and now, thanks to everyone here at GYE, I have done it.  Thank You!

I am making a mathematical equation. I am taking the amount of Happiness I feel now upon hearing this great news and multiplying it manifold. I think that I am getting close to the tremendous Simcha you must be experiencing!





REMEMBER THIS DAY!    REMEMBER HOW GOOD IT FELT TO BE ABLE TO WRITE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL POST.

The next time the the Yetzer Horah comes a'knocking just recall the pleasure of today. It will help outshine the imaginary enjoyment of HIS indulgences!

Keep on trucking
From strength to strength!!

B

Today I was once again back at it.  Working hard, learning, and studying for college. 
          Something that I faced today, that might  be of interest.  The question is: What is one supposed to do in such a case?  The case I am referring to is this:  I have a very close friend who is being treated abusively by one of his close friends, someone who has been close with him for many more years than I have.  This friend of his calls him and texts him whenever they are not together, asking him to hang out even after repeated attempts by my friend to tell this person that he is unable to.  After my friend refuses he than goes ahead and blames my friend for any mishaps that he experiences that day.  This happens quite often when they are not together in Yeshiva (and mind you, they spend A LOT of time together in yeshiva).  I spoke to my friend and told him to speak with his friends Rebbe about the situation rather than speaking to his own Rebbe.  The logic behind this is to allow him to get on the same page as this other guy.  I however, feel that if I get too involved, this other guy will attempt to shut me out completely from any ability to interact with my close friend.  Maybe, on the other hand I should let it play out that way so that in the end I will be able to vindicate my own friendship as a result of taking action against this guy in the event he tries to shut me out. (such action would be to have him"removed" from the situation)  On the other hand amI just feeling this way because I am jealous of this guy?  Let me know your opinion.

          I also posted a new post an the accountability group forum, so if anyone would like to take a look they can do so right here.

          Guys, keep up the encouragement.  Remember the book "Mike Mulligan and his Steam shovel"?  That is the way things work.  I think that book is a perfect metaphor for how things work on this website. read it through very carefully.
[Day 18 5-Adar 1/Feb 9]

My own opinion (and I'm no expert in any way) of your situation with the two friends is that if you interfere too much you will be shunned.
You can not change the way one person relates to another.

If your friend asks you for advice on the situation, then your advice will be welcome; but if not, you may stumble across something that hurts him that he's not ready to deal with.
(here I'm actually speaking about a situation I was in and maybe it doesn't apply to your situation, but it's worth thinking about).

I would suggest trying to see what part of your feelings there are based on fact and what part are based on perception. You can ask yourself the following questions:
Are you insecure about losing your friend because of the time he spends with the other guy? This is the very definition of jealousy. Here You need to realise that your relationship with your friend is entirely between you and your friend. If you are a good friend to him, no one else will be able to change that.

How does taking action against the other guy vindicate your friendship for your friend? It may work in movies but I've never seen it in real life.

Perhaps your friend doesn't really mind the way he's being abused?
Some people are outraged by traffic, others see the same traffic as time to listen to a shiur. Some people complain about it just to vent and that helps them deal with it. You most likely feel like reacting because you would not like to be in that situation yourself.

Does it bug you that your friend does not speak up for himself? Is he afraid to?
Is he in danger?

First "Rising Up" Congratulations on rising up the levels, your posts give me loads of
needed chizuk. Thank you:-)

Second I am sure that your friend asked you for help on this matter, (you should not initiate this type of conversations unless asked) He may need to simply grow up, there is no need to talk to any Rebbe (unless the situation worsens), 
your job is to be there for him, explaining that he has a right of refusal (by saying No), a true friendship does not end because of a No, let him nicely tell this other person that he loves him very much, but this doesn't mean he can blame him for any mishaps that he experiences, he has a life of his own.
now it will depend on how close that other person really is to your friend  if the friendship is real he will understand and will start behaving differently, and if not then its up him.

P.S. remember your friendship does not depend on how close that person is to your friend rather on how close you are to your friend (maybe your friend needs more then just one friend).

Hope this helps
Thank you again

ToAdd wrote on 17 Aug 2321 17:20:


This first point is actually the underlying dilemma.  And by action, I do not mean like in the movies.O0 I was referring to speaking to a Rebbe or someone in a position of authority within the yeshiva to have him removed from either the room (If I did not mention that we are all roommates) or perhaps in a worst case scenario, the Yeshiva.

ToAdd wrote on 09 Feb 2011 08:54:


This a very poignant observation, one that I did not really consider until you mentioned it here.  I will have to consider this as a real possibility.

Smart and dumb wrote on 10 Feb 2011 01:15:


Yes, he did come over to me.  In fact he just plain old complained about it to me for about 5 minutes.  The whole time he seemed to be switching between aggravation and justification.  So that is why I am in this conundrum. But that is a point that should have been made.

Smart and dumb wrote on 10 Feb 2011 01:15:


This is very a very helpful insight. Thanks!!


I truly appreciate the advice, guys.  The only reason that I did not respond sooner was because I was actually implementing these ideas in my mind and thinking about how they may play out.  I'll let you know of any future developments. 

This is my daily post.  It is very short because I need to get to bed and I have been having too much fun playing around with the dates on the forum posts, and inserting hyperlinks.  Good night!! [Post Day 19 6-Adar 1/Feb-10]

I missed two important points from chazal.
1) the Mishna says, "Knai Lcho Chover" (Aovas 1,6)
2) "Kamaiyim Ponin el Ponin" as much as you like your friend, he will eventually like you.

I have to say that I did experience a slight slip yesterday when a youtube video that my professor assigned to my class contained some questionable material.  It wasn't really bad images (otherwise youtube would've banned the video) it was just something that is unacceptable.  I didn't feel any lust or stimulation from it so I don't think i need to worry about it all that much.

              I feel that the effort that I put into posting my comments and thoughts on this website are vital to my recovery.  Although I had a very difficult time over the past 5 or so years, I never felt the type of connection to anything in the way that I do to GYE.  It is something for me to look forward to, a place that I can joke around, where previous conceptions and acute assumptions of personalities do not apply.  It is important to me that this remains a part of the recovery process.  So much so, that I have factored in the time that I spend reading the posts into my daily schedule.  Thanks to all those on this website, I am able to share my thoughts without the fear of being ridiculed or shunned.  The mind of an addict is filled with many different misconceptions, greatest perhaps of all is the perceived notion that one is unable to create a true bond with a reciprocal being.  Seeing the way that each one of us contributes to the well being of each other is truly an asset to the recovering addict. 

For this I am truly thankful.

Have a Wonderful Shabbos!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D ;D > :o 8) ??? : :-[ :-X :-\ :-* :'( >:D ^-^ O0